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Relationships

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Original poster

Do men ever leave before it gets physical?

45 replies

Dixieland123 · 01/03/2019 17:35

My friend is having what I would call an emotional affair with a guy who has a long term partner. She is determined that nothing physical will happen while he’s still with his partner. My question is, do men ever leave their partners for someone else before it has got physical?

OP posts:

needthisthread · 01/03/2019 18:39

Maybe my morals are all wrong but I think it’s reasonable to be with someone and break up with them and go out with someone else.

Yes that's reasonable

Is that wrong?

Do we have to pick our partner at 18 and stick with them, married or not?

But you are taking about an entirely different situation where the connection is taking place while someone is in a relationship. That's wrong. Fucking wrong.

ConfCall · 01/03/2019 18:39

If he's unmarried and childless then theoretically it would be easy enough for him to leave his girlfriend. So why has he not done so? Your friend should ask herself that.

Hollylolly28 · 01/03/2019 18:41

Well it's clearly you not a friend... Good luck hopefully he does leave his partner so she can find someone worth her time. You or your "friend" enjoy your love story

Seaseasea · 01/03/2019 18:41

I think men and woman can be guilty of staying in long term relationships solely because they’re comfortable and scared of change and a lot of people seek emotional affairs to find escape and peace of mind to leave.
I’m not saying it’s right, but I’ve seen it happen time and time again.

ChippyPickledEggs · 01/03/2019 18:42

Real life isn't black and white. People sometimes fall for other people while in a relationship. It isn't ideal but it happens.

The only honourable thing your friend can do now is walk away. Cut contact. She needs to not see him, not speak to him, not have any contact with him whatsoever. If he is serious about her then he needs to leave the relationship first. And then there needs to be a period of grace in which he sorts himself out, finds somewhere else to live, grieves his old relationship, and finds some level of equilibrium. If, after that, they still want each other, then they can see what happens.

Of course when he realises she is serious about not having an affair and him needing to do the right thing first, he may well stay put. That is up to him.

lifegoes · 01/03/2019 18:42

Maybe my morals are all wrong but I think it’s reasonable to be with someone and break up with them and go out with someone else. Is that wrong

No that's not wrong. But that's not this situation is it.

How would you feel if you were with a man for years and find out he's been having an EA with another woman.

Would you just go "oh well, good luck" would you hell

afrikat · 01/03/2019 18:43

My good friend met her now husband when he was married to someone else. They recognised their feelings and had zero contact again until he decided to leave the marriage and they then went on their first date
So it does happen but I would say it's rare

Tennesseewhiskey · 01/03/2019 18:50

Do we have to pick our partner at 18 and stick with them, married or not?

Who said that?

The line is crossed with an EA. Bet he isn't sharing their contact and details of their relationship with his partner? She knows his partner is unaware and this is happening behind her back?

That's what's not ok.

Bet you anything he is still having sex with his partner while insanely attracted to your friend.

You dont judge her? Bet you would if she was carrying on like this with your partner?

NameChangeNugget · 01/03/2019 19:17

I’d not want a friend like her. How sleazy

Hellohappy · 01/03/2019 19:30

I think they sometimes leave on a promise. Then when it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, they come back. Well they want to, if it’s not too late.

SandyY2K · 01/03/2019 19:50

Yes. They do leave before it gets physical sometimes.

Whether he will is anybody's guess.

The problem with EAs apart from the obvious, is they usually involve a lot of messaging, which is how they often get caught out.

If I was advising your friend, I'd say to back if the EA until he leaves. If he's getting his physical needs met at home, he may be content with your friend meeting his emotional needs and boosting his ego.

A former OW (who subsequently married him) said she had a strategy for her affair, to get him to leave.

That was not being in contact when he was with his wife at all. She totally cut him off while was wife and family. He would try calling her when he was at home and she declined his calls.

She thinks it worked. I think he would have left his wife at some point anyway... but she didn't make it easy for him to stay in affair mode for ever.

AnyFucker · 01/03/2019 19:53

This is not about a friend, is it ?

Pissflapflip · 01/03/2019 23:31

Knowingly engaging in an emotional affair with someone in a relationship or whilst you're in a relationship is fucking shameful and dirty. No decent person does that. Cut contact, sort shit as a single person then enter a new relationship if you so wish. There's nothing moral or decent about doing it any other way.

S021 · 02/03/2019 03:40

If he’s not married, has no children and it’s just an emotional affair then I don’t see the problem so long as he makes a decision.

If he is indicating he wants to sleep with her then she needs to question his morals and consider that what he’s doing to his current partner, he may do to her in the future.

userxx · 02/03/2019 09:13

Of course we don't have to stick with the person we met at 18, but have some decency and integrity and end one relationship before breezing into another with the woman who's been waiting in the wings. Knowing someone else has been involved in the demise of your relationship takes it to another level. It's cruel.

why100000 · 02/03/2019 10:06

He is having an emotional affair and cheating on his partner. Your friend is complicit in this. Both of them are hurting the partner.

kenandbarbie · 03/03/2019 13:13

Is op asking if getting physical is more likely to make him leave his partner? I'd say if he's not married no children etc then no reason not to leave. So tell your friend he's just not that into her.

Robin2323 · 03/03/2019 15:47

If he wanted to leave he would.
He hasn't and he won't.

Having heard the other side of the mm's conversation ( brothers friends ) the ow would be running so far in the opposite direction.

Seriously these men see you as
Side peace and have no intentions of turning their perfect life up side down.

winterisstillcoming · 03/03/2019 16:26

It needs to be pointed out that even if he leaves his partner before they get physical, he might do the same in his new relationship and then how would she feel? She also needs to understand that she might only like him because he is unattainable, and things will be different if he does leave his partner.

RiversDisguise · 03/03/2019 16:39

I like the idea of shagging Ryan Gosling

If it became a real prospect though and he could see the boil on my bum and c section pooch... oh hell no

Your friend is indulging a fantasy

There's no substance there

The reality is probably shit

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