Hi
Long time poster but name changed today.
I’ve had an inappropriate relationship for the last few months at work and I don’t know if it was an abuse of power on his part or if my behaviour encouraged it. And because I consented to elements of it was I therefore complicit and wouldn’t have a leg to stand on if I reported it?
I joined the organisation 18 months ago and this person immediately seemed to show a lot of interest in me and the work I was doing. I was in a relatively junior position but older than others and had lots of experience from elsewhere whereas many in the team had progressed through the ranks so I think that I stood out a bit (not in an arrogant way!)
At work social occasions and then in the office I would increasingly catch him staring and obviously checking me out (we sat near to each other) I didnt realise for a while that he was the director (a big department!). I was successful in gaining a place on a talent programme thing and encouraged to ask a senior person to be my mentor. I became friendly with his pa and she suggested asking him (I regret this)So we then had monthly mentoring meetings where he would often make me feel quite uneasy with his flirting. He would be really intense and pay me lots of compliments and whilst I guess I was flattered by the attention, it was also a bit embarrassing. He then began doing this more openly in the main office to the extent that people started to comment and say that he flirts with me and that I was his favourite. His pa began to message me joking about how much I flirted back with him and laughed at his jokes-I genuinely didn’t know how to deal with it in front of a room full of people. He is quite a powerful person and could often be quite nasty with other members of the team. It’s a really hierarchical place and was definitely unusual for someone of my grade to interact with him.
Fast forward to Dec and he announces that he’s leaving for another department. He then messages me on the work system (for the first time) to say he wished he could take me with him. This is where I should’ve closed it down but didn’t and it then moved to WhatsApp and for the last 8 weeks it has been an emotional affair with (grim with hindsight) sexting and plans to meet up for sex. He kept saying he was too busy with new job and home stuff but that he really wanted it and I just let it carry on. Anyway it all came to a head last week when we’d agreed to meet and he cancelled at the last minute and I lost my shit with him for stringing me along. And he ended it by saying that it was only meant to be a bit of fun and he couldn’t cope with my reaction to having to wait around for him and not understanding the pressures of his job. I guess I’m just feeling bruised and rejected and a fool but the thought of him strutting around his new office sourcing his next junior to flatter his ego is so depressing. He has young children and I thought he had separated from his OH as this was the office rumour but apparently this isn’t the case but I don’t know the truth.
Sorry that was too long-thanks if you made it!