Separation - unmarried, joint mortgage and a child

[JoJoT92]

Hi.
It’s my first time writing on here so here goes.
I’m 26. I’ve been in a relationship for 7 and a half years we’ve lived together 5, owned a house 3. We also have a 3 year old.
I have been unhappy for a long time, but always hoped things would get better. We’ve had many talks over the years and things do get better but quickly fade again. There has been no intimacy for the last 2-3 years, There is an ages gap of 20 years of which has never bothered me until recently. I have told him I want to separate and he agreed but has since kept asking if I’m 100%.
It has been a couple of weeks now since I said it’s over. He manages to twist a lot of things around but I’m trying to keep this as amicable as possible for the sake of my DD.
Just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation. As I have no idea how things are supposed to go in order for me and DD to find our own home which I will have to rent.
He wants to buy me out of the mortgage etc and stay in the home.
We’re currently still living under the same roof and it’s getting more and more uncomfortable and I don’t feel like this is my home anymore and hate being in this limbo situation.
Any advice welcome...please! :) or just anything to tell me things will get easier!

Does he have enough savings to buy you out? Or would he be relying on remortgaging? Do you have a recent valuation on the house?

Do you work full time? Have you got enough saved up to cover the deposit and first month on another place, plus setting up utilities etc? If so, I'd start looking for somewhere now, then let him know you'll be moving out on X date so will not be able to contribute to bills after that, so he needs to get a remortgage sorted sharpish.

Things will get easier but what you need right now is a solicitor.
Some offer a free half hour.
See what they have to say.
Do you have any family you could move in with temporarily?
What equity is there in the house?
What does he earn? How much maintenance will he need to pay.
Do you work?

I think he’s planning to remortgage. And pay me that way. A valuation is being done on Monday.
I work as a home Carer part time to work around DD. I don’t earn a lot. So I’m kind of counting on the money from house to set me up for the start.
I’ve spoken to a couple of solicitors which haven’t been a lot of help, mainly because we’re not married. Just that we need to try and agree as much as possible. I just feel things won’t move along unless I do something but kind of at a loss of where I go from here.
I don’t have anywhere else we can stay either so it all depends on the pay out from house. Unfortunately.
He says he’s worked out through government website maintenance he’ll pay will be about £100 a week..? Again where this is all new I have no clue. And over the years lost a lot of my confidence and independence.
Thank you both for replying.

So you need to make a child support claim. Then agree the value of the buyout. Did you equally contribute to the mortgage? If not, he may well expect to keep his initial investment. Have you talked about this or put anything in place when you bought the house ?

These days 3 years of ownership won’t have accrued much in terms of equity. Get copies and of the mortgage statements to confirm your contribution and get some independent valuations but you might be limited by the lenders valuation.

CMS for maintenance, you can apply online and they do it direct through HMRC so they will know his earnings and work the payments out.

Entitled to.co.uk - it’s an online benefits calculator which will tell you what and how much you are entitled to and claim. Again all claims can be done online.

Also don’t forget you will most likely be entitled to a council tax reduction as well as you will be a single adult occupancy with a dependent.

So, Tax Credits, Child credits, housing benefits and council tax reduction plus child maintenance.

I’d also consider getting an agreement written up regarding child access - days, times, holidays etc. It stops any future hassle of ‘we agreed this that and the other’ when you haven’t.

I did it with a two year old and no family or friends support. It’s hard at times but worth it in the end.