How do I make this stop?

[Bringiton2019]

Hi

I left my husband in Dec 17, we are now divorced and I've met someone else and am very happy.

My ex and I had not been happy for a long time, however he took it badly.

Basically 16 months on and divorced, he still texts me between 2 - 6 times a day! Quite often with emotional messages, some quite nasty (which I expected at some point).
We have 2 children and we share custody which works well, but he won't let go. How long do I take this for?!

Just tonight I've had messages saying, I've won, he's lost. He's losing his kids which he can't bare (his isn't, I would never stop them being with their Dad) He is a really good Dad.

Sometimes I feel it borders on harassment??

Can't take the constant guilt anymore.

What do you think?

TIA x

Ignore them.

That is a long while. Have you actually asked him to stop and he refuses? Could you block him apart from when he has the kids?

Tell him to stop!

Or, if that doesn’t work...

Buy a cheap phone with a pay as you go sim just for him. Stick it in a drawer and only look at it once a day/week to check for anything to do with the kids. This will help him take up less headspace.

Are you replying? If so please stop. Ignore anything not directly to do with the children. He will eventually stop.

Go grey rock, seriously you need to block him!

There’s no bordering on, it’s just harassment. Contact the Police for advice.

What do you do with the messages? Do you reply?

Firstly he needs to be told clearly that you want him to stop contacting you in any way about anything apart from your children. Once you've been 100% clear, get a new cheap phone as already suggested. Block him on your main number, he doesn't need to know you still use it. The only respond to anything about the children and do it in one word answers. EG, 'has Tommy got scouts this week? I still can't believe we're not together, you're tearing us apart as a family, you cold hearted whatever' You respond with 'Yes, usual time on Tuesday' No more, no less. He'll give up if he gets no response

He sounds just like my delightful ex. 2 years on, and less frequent but when he is low, or pissed off they start again (and stop when he has another woman on the scene who never last long because he also tries to control them too!).

I have got much better at not engaging now as I think I was just fuelling the flames, but its a hard habit to break. I sent him an email in the end a few weeks ago after reaching the end of my rope. I told him to stop sending me emotionally loaded messages, I would only respond to messages about the kids and the house we are trying to still sell and nothing else, or I was going to go to the police and start telling everyone how shit he behaves. I also told him I would presure him for child maintainence etc, that shut him up because he is tight arsed mofo.

I also get the "you've won, I have lost everything" shit. He fails to see that I have also lost time with the kids and my family unit because he was such an abusive twat to me. Apparently, me just living a life is me winning. Everything always was a competition.

Anyway, what helped me was realising that engaging with it all actually wasnt fair on current partner, me, or actually ex. It just prolongs the agony. Just simply dont reply to anything designed to get an emotional response from you. A friend of mine described it a kid in the playground pulling your pigtails. Its all designed to engage you. It might take weeks or months, but actually taking back some control on your side will feel so much better (he might escalate for a while, as he feels his grip loosing more).

I feel for you, its horrible. I just want to be able to live my life. Leave any guilt behind you have and enjoy your new relationship.

Firstly thank you all for replying.

I have told him to stop messaging me unless it's to do with the children.

I ignore 90% of the time, but sometimes he really pushes my buttons and I respond! I know I shouldn't and I won't from now on.

Tonight I've had messages saying that he thinks I hate him because he wouldn't wish what he was going through on his worst enemy.

We split because I couldn't be with someone I didn't love anymore. Why can't he see that I've done the right thing?! Our children are young enough to adapt and have taken it really well.

I do keep all messages just in case I need them for police or solicitor.

I actually dread my phone telling me there's a message!

get a phone that is just for comms with him, block him from any other device. then, if he chooses to continue being difficult or abusive you have a full audit trail.

make clear to him that this is the only number you will communicate re the kids. good luck and stay strong x