Unexpected connection!

[slimshadyscousin]

I am single and currently studying for a degree with Open Uni. I have met someone through the OU forums studying the same degree as me - he is 13 years older and a pilot. I think there is a connection there but he can blow a bit hot and cold. He has asked me out for dinner when he gets back to the UK. He can also go a bit quiet sometimes which I appreciate could be flying all over the place.

Has anyone ever dated a pilot? I'm not sure about the distance and being away for long periods but it could be quite exciting. It's also difficult because I've never met him IRL and from pics I can't tell if I'm attracted to him...I've also never met anyone online before so I'm a bit nervy to meet him.

I have been hurt before so I am bit sceptical of dating overall and just looking for some reassurance!

First thought was he may be married ? 😬

Is he really a pilot or a married liar, or a married pilot?

I guess as long as your guard is up there is no harm in meeting him.

Don't think so! He has talked about settling down and having kids, no talk of a partner or wife.

Go for it - he can take you to great heights.....

He had no reason to lie on the forums as it's not like he pursued me particularly. No mention of a wife

Being extremely generalist here. But I have known and known of approx 5/6 pilots and helicopter pilots and to buy it bluntly they were all ASSHOLES! 🙈 very odd tempered and up their own arses 🙄

Oh noooo I was afraid someone would say that lol

No no no!! I work in the industry. There is sooooo much cheating that goes on.

Pilot you say?

That's what Deirdre thought.

I know a pilot quite well...

He was a cheater too! Found someone he's serious about- she's someone who has her own priorities, and kind of isn't fussed if he's there or not, so it works. Whenever he's dated women who want more from him, he's strayed and taken them for granted.

Exactly AnyFucker. And airline pilot is such a bullshit, made up, chat up line job. It would take the proof of actually seeing him fly it for me to believe him.

I should say I've actually watched a video of him landing a plane

< reaches for the “free the Weatherfield one” tee shirt of my childhood > knew this would come in useful again!

I know a few people in the airline industry and lets just say as far as free love goes - half of them could give the audience at Woodstock a run for their money !

Was it one of those flight simulation jobbies ? You can pay a few quid for those. Very real looking.

I would be extremely wary. You say he blows hot and cold and goes quiet at times. Sounds to me like he is already messing with your head. People who like you/are interested in you don't blow hot and cold and they don't disappear. You also say he's talked of having kids and settling down - that is very serious talk to have with someone you've never even met! Maybe you meant it was just a general conversation but even so.

Meet him, by all means (in a safe place, and with a friend knowing where you are) but don't buy into him as a serious prospect until you've got to know him properly. (The biggest red flag is moving too fast, trying to fast forward through the early stages of getting to know each other.)

Even apart from red flags and the potential for him to be a liar, there's the fact that conversations online don't necessarily translate to attraction or anything in common in real life. I would proceed with caution, OP. Good luck!

Thank you mammoon! He is a legit pilot, I've checked him out on his company website. Also he is a cargo pilot so although it doesn't completely eliminate the prospect of the whole free love thing it does mean there are no cabin crew!

My best friend dated a pilot about a year ago. It was a nightmare for her. She was really into him, but he was so often unavailable, all over the place geographically, and then could often meet up (or cancel!) at really short notice. It was difficult to organise anything in advance. To be fair, I suspect this wasn't only down to his job.
My mum does air b&b from her home, which is located near an airport, so she often gets pilots as guests. She did say that they can be quite up themselves. It doesn't sound like a great life though, to be honest. And it's not so much the glamorous life it used to be, as the airlines have stripped the meat off the bones salary and benefits wise.
I think it would be ok if you were already in a committed relationship, and then they decided to go be a pilot, but trying to get anything off the ground (see what I did there?!) would be very hard.

Loooaaads of pilots on online dating apps wherever I’ve travelled in the world.....

Who’s cares if he’s a pilot or not? It’s how nice he is that counts!?

I am just divorcing a pilot after many years of marriage. Sweeping generalisation here but H struggled with family life, didn't know how to put us first because his choice of career allowed him to put himself first for his 30 year flying career.

A lot of his work meant that he was away for half the year. That translated into him feeling he was entitled to a huge amount of me time when he was at home - because that was all he knew. Time for this, time for that.

He never gave me cause to worry about other women. However, he was generally unavailable for weddings, christenings, bar mitzvahs, christmas, birthdays, DC's major surgery, being up all night with sick DC. He missed more than he attended in almost two decades.

The hot and cold thing - wouldn't take that on. It sounds like you are fantasising a bit tbh OP could be quite exciting - you are having a laugh.

An arse is an arse whether or not he happens to fly something for a living.

Thanks for your advice all. I will probably meet up with him, as part of me is intrigued if nothing else! But will definitely keep my guard up and be wary.

I'd be wary of someone who runs hot/ cold I've had it and I'm currently fixing to end it. It's not worth the effort. It's left me feeling anxious and insecure. By all means meet him but be careful if he's already blowing hot and cold.

Going to buck the trend a bit here, my DP is a pilot, it can work. You do have to be prepared for communications to be sporadic/hurried when they're working - after all they are spending hours at a time at 40000 feet above sea level! And they jobs by no means over when they land. I'd say if you don't have dreams of children and a "regular" mon-Fri routine it can be great. But if you want kids, guaranteed partner at parents evenings etc, it's not an option. In our case, it works because I also have a weird job, so we both understand what it's like to spend several nights away from home, have a completely unpredictable working day etc.
With red to cheating, as a previous partner said, if they're an area they're an arse..... regardless of job! This is a huge, huge generalization obviously, but IME cargo pilots are prob less likely to have the ego issues than some others. Also a huge generalization, short-haul scheduled flight pilots (e.g. easyJet, that sort of thing) much less likely to have second families/girlfriends in different countries - they just don't get the time! Beware of long haul schedules that regularly involve long stopovers. Don't dismiss the profession out of hand but equally don't expect loads of freebies - you'll probably not even be allowed to visit the plane much less fly with him - most companies are very strict nowadays.