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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling to move on

5 replies

Chloe782 · 28/02/2019 15:06

I found out a new co-worker joined my dps work in August 2018 and they first got to know each other on a group training in November 2018. From there they would spend their lunch breaks together in the local town twice a week for 6 weeks. I never knew she existed during this time but found out due to him searching for her on social media and searching for her on google images. It’s clear he had feelings for her, however it had only been six weeks. In that time they had just been friends, they hadn’t discussed our relationship really or let each other know whether or not they had feelings for each other. So I don’t know whether he would have cheated or not because I found out so early.
He has cut all contact from her now and is doing all he can to make things work with me. It’s been two months and I am still totally preoccupied with it. We have been together nearly a decade.

OP posts:
Chloe782 · 28/02/2019 18:03

Anyone?

OP posts:
Lefty1 · 28/02/2019 19:46

Was it emotional affair territory ? Did you see any flirtatious messages ?

What do you want to happen Op? & do you feel that you can both get over this and move forward ? Have you talked about couples counselling ?

It is a betrayal on his behalf but ultimately it’s up to you as to whether you want a man that can do this to you... Flowers be kind to yourself and I’m really sorry you’re going through this x

Chloe782 · 28/02/2019 20:24

No it was just friendship territory at the moment, I just caught it so early I have no idea what would have happened.

I don’t want a man that could do this to me but at the same time on the surface I feel like a fraud for seeing it as a betrayal when nothing happened.

OP posts:
Lefty1 · 28/02/2019 20:41

You say in your original post that you suspect he has/had feelings for her , he hid her existence from you and searched for her online, I think this is bordering on the emotional affair side tbh.

Do you live together ? Have children together ? Do you feel like you can trust him anymore? X

ConfCall · 28/02/2019 23:11

Did he explain why he was drawn to her?

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