Difference between friendship and romantic feelings

[Vaselinequeen]

Stemming from a recent thread, how did you know that your platonic friendship was changing to something romantic? What were the signs.. rather than any words being said to eachother . Or in your view, where is the line that crosses from platonic to something a bit more ? Thank you !

Anyone??

Secrecy.

Thinking about them in between seeing and texting them, missing them, feeling really happy to see a text from them, listening to love songs

Sorry, I don’t understand ? Being secret with the friendship? Thanks .

Sorry, I don’t understand ? Being secret with the friendship? Thanks

A lot of these threads pertain to friendships that have developed between one half of a committed relationship and a person outside of that relationship where the person asking is one of the people involved.

In that case, it is secrecy around the friendship that begins to cross the boundary.

If you want slightly more nuanced responses, you're going to have to give more detail

Clues that they felt the same way: increase in volume of texts, him telling me he'd missed me/been thinking about me/was happy to see my text, putting XXs or heart emojis on to the end of the messages.
And I'm mid 30s

Otherwise, what Camellia said.

I know what you mean about those points because that’s What I’m like of late! What about him ? Any signs that would indicate a deeper feeling? Thanks

Cross posts sorry!

So presuming you're not a wife concerned about a friendship of her husbands...

What is he like when he is with you? Do you catch him looking at you when he thinks you can't see? Does he sit closer to you? Does he want to spend more time with you? Does he 'touch' you more?

*husband's

Is there a 'tension' between you?

No two singles but him very newly single after a year long casual romance. He broke up with the lady in question . We were friends all this time with very frequent contact. It’s just increased . Yes to every single suggestion so this happened. Friends for a long time but definitely increased contact , some glancing, extra touching, seeking eachother out in groups ,excuses to talk,rapid responses to messaging and if not available, will message as soon as is back on line . Subtle personal compliments on character and appearance , more than usual.planning nights out on our own when in a small friendship group. These are new actions on his behalf . Suggestions of activities and holidays in the future, said in jest eg.. when we are old and retired etc . No physical move made and nothing said .

Vaseline, I'm no expert in these matters but I think he likes you

Yes we are great mates but I have children and while there is no animosity in my life, he is also a lot younger than me . I am away from that scene for so long that I can’t decide whether he is being kind or more. He always puts love heart emojis in message but he does that to everyone and in conversations relating to other people . Not only me . He has always been kind and complimentary so again, I wonder if I’m making a mountain out a molehill. Then again my radar is weak for seeing what’s in front of me, in the romantic stakes !

Would I be crazy to pursue this or should I leave it to see what happens in the future. The friendship is most important to me .

Well, I suspect you might need to be a bit more candid with the details before anyone can advise you comprehensively.

The "lots younger" part does rather change things so the advice might not be relevant.

Some younger men flirt a bit with much older women precisely because it feels safe as they don't see them as sexual beings. And assume it's obvious that it's just a bit of fun.

Or don't realise just how much older you are...

He knows my age. I’m 13 years older tham him . I’m in my forties, he’s in his thirties. He has complimented me on my physical appearance regularly. It could be just in an admiring way . Perhaps he does see me as a mother figure. It’s hard to guess .

Ok well 13 years isn't that much really. I was thinking you might have meant 20+.

30s and 40s is no issue though.

If you know he's single, you're already friends and the situation is as you describe, I'd ask him if he wanted to go out for a drink and then maybe broach the subject.

I doubt he's going to see you as a mother figure if it's that little a difference and at your ages.

Thanks. I’m nervous to ask him in case I totally got the wrong impression and I’m afraid the friendship will be weird then. That’s why I was wondering how people just knew ! Thanks for your replies

Haha, well it might be weird for a bit but, if you're true friends, it'll be fine.

I think I'd probably wait for him to do something a little flirtatious and then ask him, "er, are you flirting with me?!" in mock indignation.

That way, if he is he'll answer, "so what if I am?" or similar and if he's not, he'll say, "Oh, god no, sorry!" or something like that and you can respond accordingly.

Either, "well I was just checking that you were... " or "It's alright, don't panic I was only joking".

Not that I'm any good at this sort of thing though!!

We have a social event coming up soon so I will see how he is towards me at that. Otherwise it’s just continuous messaging and texts, that he normally initiated and a lot of time spent together .that seems like good advice to ask if he s flirting me or missing me . I realised that my flirt radar is non existent . Can’t decipher the difference !