Getting back with an ex after you have dated others

[Popcorn08]

Hello!

For anyone who has got back with an ex... how did you or the other person deal with the fact of the other person having dated or been intimate with someone else?

My ex broke up with me... but he stayed off the market and wasn't interested in dating. I was heartbroken by the split and we were not in any form of contact. We had a plan to talk 6 months down the line... but about 5 months into NC, I met someone (unplanned) and dated them. We didn't sleep together but did other things! But the whole time I feel I was using it to forget about my ex... and it didnt compare to him at all. I feel so guilty about it, even though my ex broke up with me.

My ex and I want to work things out, but he is struggling to cope with the fact I had been with someone else. Even though it was shortlived and only reaffirmed that I wanted him.

Any advice on moving past this?

Was he the first guy you've ever been with then?

All in a bit odd, most adults have been with more than their partner, but I guess you've never been with anyone else, and neither has he? So it's a big deal to him?

It’s not for you to move past it is for him. If he can’t he can’t. If it will always seem a betrayal to him, then it will create some level of mistrust. That can eat away at relationships.

Unlike someone having an affair, you don’t owe him an explanation. So it is difficult to advise you to tell him what happened honestly or not. Personally I wouldn’t, you didn’t have sex and only dated for weeks. There would be no emotional attachment or physical bond. I would play things down. But if he is catastrophising the whole thing then it sounds unhealthy anyway. As does a 6 month NC break. He might just be looking for reasons to split.

He needs to get over it. You were single and you haven't even slept with the other guy. He dumped you.
TBH, what you did when single is irrelevant and if he can't deal with it then why do you want to go back to him?

You only have his word that he had stayed off the market.

Your ex broke up with you. You didn't contact each other for 5 months. You were supposed to be celibate for the rest of your life on the off chance that he would want you back? This doesn't sound good op, there is always going to be a reason why he's unhappy with you and you're going to have to continually convince him that you're good enough to be with.

I have gone back to an ex after a few months more than once.
It didn't work out. We had split for a reason.

He dumped YOU!
You are allowed to do what ever you want when single.
Stop feeling guilty.
HE DUMPED YOU!!!!
Please remember that.
If he can't move past this then it just shows what kind of man he is and you can do better!
He will probably use this a stick to beat you with forever more!
It's just not worth it!

Agree with what everyone is saying. He dumped you and therefore you were a free agent. You didn’t cheat, you did nothing wrong... if he can’t handle that then it’s his problem not yours.

I think you need to resolve the issue of why he dumped you rather than the issue of what you both did or didn't do whilst single.

So he dumped you and now has a problem with the fact that you moved on. What did he expect? You remain celibate forever? He’s being completely unreasonable. This is his problem to deal with. Either get over it or fuck off. Is he really worth it?

My ex had emotional affair then left me to make it physical. E came back and We tried again but it didn't work and we've split for good- although my decision this time. As others said, We split for a reason. I will.admit though, although I understood and accepted him sleeping with her (after he had left and there was a "reason" for him leaving me - my drinking but a long story) I couldn't get the image of them being intimate out My head - it literally went round in a loop. Rightly or wrongly, if he feels like that, there's no way back. It will be a stick to beat you with.

He broke up with you, why did he expect you to sit and wait for him? What was he issue?

When we broke up, we set an agreed time to talk. I knew from mutual friends that he was saying he still loved me but he just didn't know what to do. I was clinging onto hope. But I met someone organically and enjoyed the happiness that gave me. But I knew that I still loved him and that I was still holding out for him. I feel guilty because it is unbalanced in that noone caught his attention.

What age are you both? I don't mean to sound patronising but he sounds like a teenager and you apparently are enabling this behaviour. You were single, you have nothing to feel guilty about and if he's struggling to get over it I'd consider that to be a red flag.

I feel guilty because it is unbalanced in that noone caught his attention

But that’s not your fault.

He’s making you feel guilty. Do you really want to be with him?

Why would you give this man so much power
Why did he split up with you and then say, let’s talk in 6 months
He sounds dreadful
Really dreadful
I hope you don’t end up with him.