Dp was still using dating sites

[Doesitevenmatternow]

Please help.

I am with DP two years, mostly good but he was married before and it's been tough going trying to 'blend'.

We moved very (too) fast and are living together and have a beautiful baby.

I have just discovered he was regularly logging onto dating sites for months after we got together, had the exclusivity talk, moved in together etc. Somedays there were multiple log-ins.

He eventually cancelled his accounts around the time I got pregnant.

I don't know what to think. I've had a few issues that led me to believe he generally white lies for an easier life but never really thought he wasn't trustworthy.

He has always maintained he was never chatting with anyone online or went on a date with anyone since we met (even since before the exclusivity chat). Why would he have repeated log-ins to a dating site in one day? He said before he simply hadn't closed his accounts but he never logged in. That is definitely not true so based on how easily he lies I don't know what the point of discussing with him.

I have told him what I know, he just started shouting defensively to give him evidence of any dates he has been on. I never said he'd been on any dates (but who knows)? He was adamant in the past he deleted all his accounts.

I have always been a little uneasy because he has lied unnecessarily about things in the past.

How worrying is this? The accounts were all closed when up for renewal.

He probably went on them for the thrill, the chase, not actually intending to do anything ... An ego boost, a habit.
Have there been any days that cannot be accounted for?
Strange charges on bank statement etc?

I wouldn't like this at all. It implies he wasn't really committed to your relationship. I've been dating guys for a while where we weren't exclusive and as I wasn't committed I carried on with OLD. But when I've met someone and been really smitten I haven't had any urge to use OLD again.

I would also be concerned about his reaction shouting at you. As you've got a young baby, if he hasn't been on for a long time then I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and make clear you would never stay with him if he cheated. But that's just me, you should do whatever works for you

It doesn’t sound like this is what he wanted.
You deserve better

He lies but you didn’t think he was untrustworthy. Please explain the logic in that sentence?

I think some people when single really get into the habit of this a lot. For some Its like an instant 'buzz' , same as some people may have a glass of wine or a fag etc,.

The problem is some then find it very hard to stop this habit when they meet someone and are in what is meant to be a committed relationship. They aren't even necessarily looking for anyone else, they just like 'the habit' of seeing faces pop up and the curiosity value. I knew someone like this (female by the way). Only you can decide if its a dealbreaker for you if that's what it was.(it may have been more but possibly not) I do think though it means at periods when he gets 'bored' or life gets a bit crap he might be prone to doing this for a buzz.

@agentjohnson I meant he is a generally trustworthy ethical person. I'm a stickler for the truth - often to the point of bluntness so I have to remind myself that people often massage the truth a tiny bit or quite simply don't remember details the way I do.

But I thought he was trustworthy as a partner as in I would not have to worry about him ever flirting inappropriately or anything like that.

The thing with the dating apps (and other social media apps) is that the usage seems to be in clusters. For example he logs onto one app nearly every day for a month and no other. Then he cancels his account at the end of the month. This is around the time we decided to try for a baby (could be a coincidence). There is less use of other datng apps on other months but he will use an app (viber / instagram / meetup) very frequently for a period of time around these - all of which I thought he never used - and then stop.

The pattern of it all makes me think he must have been in regular communication with various people at different times.

By the way, the topic of these apps came up early on (before we were even an official couple), I said I didn't want to continue if he was using and he told me all deleted to see where things went with us as he hoped we had a future.

It hurts me and makes me feel such a fool. I thought he was a really straightforward decent guy.

I don't know anything about finances to the pp who asked.

The month that he was online chatting nearly every day he had been made redundant and was very blue.

How do you know the exact dates and times he was logged in? I'd have no clue what apps/sites my BF uses and for how long.

It sounds like you were snooping on his phone/computer. Seems like serious trust issues to me if you felt the need to do that. What is your gut telling you?