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Original poster

If someone wants you back after walking away

32 replies

CarrieOnUp · 27/02/2019 12:50

I'd really like to know what people's opinions are on this. Whether you think someone should love you enough to never walk away from you or whether sometimes people can make mistakes like this.

My ex boyfriend walked away saying he "wasn't ready". I can't say he did anything bad to me or that he's been with anyone else since so it seemed like a genuine situation. He cried at the time of the breakup and missed me a lot and tried to keep me in his life at the time (I refused). He just said he knew he wasn't ready and sometimes the right thing wasn't the easy thing.

I never understood it at all how he could walk like that because there was nothing but good stuff between us. I wish he hadn't done it, because we were happy and I feel like he spoiled it and let me down.

I wanted someone who was certain about me without doubts or games or any kind of confusion and it feels now like what was once so great is tarnished and also the trust is damaged because...well..he left me.

One of the things that I loved best about him was that he never made me feel doubtful or mucked me around so there was always that security that I had a boyfriend who definitely wanted to be with me and his behaviour changed that.

Can anyone else tell me what they think about situations like this? We were together seven months and have now been separated for three months.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 27/02/2019 12:53

He's messing you around.
It was 7 months.
Time to move on now.
There is no way after throwing away your relationship he is 'suddenly' ready after 3 months!
You did the right thing.
Now cut contact again and get out there and enjoy life!

BricksInTheWall · 27/02/2019 13:11

No way. I was waiting to read that this happened 2 years ago and he has been on a magical journey of finding himself and figuring out what he wants, ie you.

But 3 months on from binning you off after 7 months together he has now suddenly had an epiphany? Nah. More than likely he wasn't ever that into it, had his head turned and that hasn't materialised and is now wanting the safe option back.

Move on, whether it was good or not you hit the nail on the head - he left you. You'll spend the rest of your days fretting over whether he will again.

OnlineAlienator · 27/02/2019 13:13

This sounds like total BS - in the bin.

Tennesseewhiskey · 27/02/2019 14:28

He wanted to do someone or something.

Either had his head turned by someone else and she wasnt interested or he shagged her and it went nowhere.

Or he wanted to do something like a lads holiday or something that he wanted to be single for

I know loads of lads that have dumped their girlfriends, gone away for a weekend or a week as a single man, then got back with them when they got back

Getmyfrownupsidedown · 27/02/2019 14:28

Bit harsh folks.

I think timing is key to every relationship. Especially with men who for some reason can only focus on major issue in their life at any one time!!!

I've had two long term relationships where they got cold feet after the initial few months. and broke up with me for a number of months.

Both came back and I had over five year relationships with each. Other factors meant they did not last, one would still take me back to this day and the other is sadly no longer with us.

If this is the first time, take a chance. If it is a recurring theme, run.

Original poster
CarrieOnUp · 27/02/2019 15:46

It wasn't that, he wasn't interested in anyone else and he's never been on a lads weekend in his life. He just didn't feel like he was ready for a relationship as a very long term one ended just before we met

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 27/02/2019 15:57

I don’t think you can apply a hard and fast rule here. All circumstances will be different.

What matters, is what you want OP

Tennesseewhiskey · 27/02/2019 16:15

12 weeks does change from someone willing to walk away, to some ready for a serious relationship.

With all due respect op, you have no idea if he is telling you the truth that he wasnt interested in anyone else. You only have is word. You say, yourself, that you thought he was dependable and non wavering. He isn't. You dont know him that well.

FaithInfinity · 27/02/2019 16:17

Honestly? I think that you will spend the entirety of the relationship waiting for him to walk away again.

Crowdo · 27/02/2019 16:20

It's perfectly possible for any number of reasons to have caused this, OP. We can only speculate. Of course, there are plenty of scenarios where this could occur and it ends being a benign blip in an otherwise lovely relationship. But the only way to find out, is to try it. Is he worth potentially getting your heart broken over? If so, be brave, be careful, and see what he does next. If not, well, you'll meet someone else.

Original poster
CarrieOnUp · 27/02/2019 16:21

He shares a flat with a mutual friend and he said he has spent the whole time in his bedroom reading a book and being depressed so it's not just his word, I know he's never been interested in anyone else.

He was trying to contact me and see me a lot from about two weeks after the relationship ended so it wasn't silence for a few months. He kept messaging me saying what an idiot he was and how much he misses me but it's only now that he's saying he is offering me everything.

I don't know what I want, I want to turn back time and have him not have done this because it affected the way I feel about him

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 27/02/2019 16:21

I wish I could give you some good advice but I'm in the same fix.your ex husband wants me back more than 2 years after our divorce. We were together for 20 years and I am still totally undecided what to do. 20 years is a lot to throw away. Prince William and his now wife split up and then got back together and they seem to be happy enough.
My view is they go off to see if the grass is greener on the other side and it often isn't.
My trust has been severely dented and it would be a long hard road involving counselling before I'll think about it.

madcatladyforever · 27/02/2019 16:22

My husband not your husband lol.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/02/2019 16:22

Not after 7 months would I be thinking of going back.

Maybe after some life changing scenarios and a 30 yr marriage I’d think. But 7 months?? Naw..

hellsbellsmelons · 27/02/2019 16:23

If you really want to give him another go then there's nothing stopping you.
No judgement from us.
Just take it very slow.
Dating to start with, only seeing each other once or twice a week and then see where it goes and how you feel.
You may never get that 'thing' or the feeling back for him.
But if you want to make sure then go for it!

Original poster
CarrieOnUp · 27/02/2019 16:26

I think it happened at that point where dating turns into long term commitment and he'd just done that and failed three times in a row before me. It would be easier if I could put myself in his shoes, but I can't as no matter how bad relationships have been before I've never lost faith completely and also never walked away from someone I wanted to be with :/ Seems like a really, really, really, really stupid thing to do.

OP posts:
PoloMax · 27/02/2019 16:31

So he's cut and run from commitment 4 times, including you?

Original poster
CarrieOnUp · 27/02/2019 16:40

No, the three other times he committed and it went wrong

OP posts:
Dieu · 27/02/2019 16:46

Hi. See, I'm torn on this. A part of me thinks that the past is best left there for a reason, and that if it was meant to work, it'd have done so the first time round.
I'm on the dating scene, and quite often have blokes coming back to me further down the line. I suspect the grass isn't greener after all!
There is one thing I firmly believe, and that is that if you go back to him, it won't feel the same for you second time around. Things revisited seldom do.
It is worth a try, but self-preservation is key, and try to hold back a bit, until sure that you can trust him with your emotions.
All the best.

PoloMax · 27/02/2019 16:49

How did it go wrong the other 3 times?

SwinglowFed · 27/02/2019 16:52

7 months- i would move on.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 27/02/2019 16:52

No, the three other times he committed and it went wrong

So, it's yet another re-match ? Ask him why he keeps returning. Ask yourself why you let him ?

Sometimes, you let each other go, miss each other. Get back together and all is great.

He sounds like a 'bolter' if you ask me. 'It went wrong' really ? What went wrong ? Your kid (if you had one together) broke their leg at school ? You had a car accident ? You suffered parental bereavement ? The list of unpleasant scenarios goes on and on.

I would just like to point out that this/his pattern of behaviour will continue if you get married/buy a house/have a baby/move elsewhere in the country or world.

Is there an upper age limit for the person who says, 'but I mean it this time' ?

Come back in five years or ten years time and tell us.

Original poster
CarrieOnUp · 27/02/2019 16:53

From what I understand he's very all or nothing and will stick with someone too long once committed. All three went wrong for different reasons but the correlating theme was him being really unhappy and staying anyway.

There is one thing I firmly believe, and that is that if you go back to him, it won't feel the same for you second time around. Things revisited seldom do

I think that's it really. All that springing to mind is that Beautiful South Song, "A Little Time". I know he wasn't off sowing his wild oats but it's the same thing really because how does a person think they can just exit a relationship and then come back. It doesn't work that way.

I think I am going to tell him, no, but I am just really upset as I was so happy with him and he ruined it completely.

OP posts:
Original poster
CarrieOnUp · 27/02/2019 16:54

The other 3 times weren't with me.

OP posts:
PoloMax · 27/02/2019 16:57

Is there overlap between his relationships?

If he "stays too long" when he is "unhappy", I'm guessing he needs inspiration to leave?

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