Planning to leave controlling partner - handhold and advice please

[MummySparkle]

I have been in a controlling relationship for nearly 8 years, but have been a bit head in the sand about it all. I'm finally putting plans in place to leave with support from a local domestic abuse charity. I'm hoping to plan everything in secret and then carry it all out in one go.

The current situation:
2 primary age DCs
Privately renting (joint tenancy)
Joint Bank account
My individual bank account is monitored by him (although he can't access what's in there)
£10,000 loan in my name for a car that belongs to him. Personal loan as opposed to car finance bollocks

I'd really like to find a way to stay in this house. I love it, it's rural and walking distance to the DCs school. Any other property would be 20min drive away from school. But that means court orders. Has anyone served a court order on an abusive / controlling partner? I'm guessing it won't be pretty

Also, we're not actually married, although I do refer to him as my husband / DH on here (in previous posts)

I have no experience I'm sure others have better advice. Try woman's aid first. Do you earn well? Have a good salary etc?

I have to say that's one of the things my mother taught me "earn enough so you can walk away". If you do it will be fine. If not things may be trickier.

I hope someone can offer you good advice, be brave.

Thank you. I work part time due to disability, so don't earn lots, but with the benefits I'm entitled to the DCs and I would have enough to live on. Once we're separated I know I can financially support myself, no frills, but that's fine.

I'm sitting waiting at the CAB for advice on splitting the joint account / where I stand with the car loan.

Joint account is relatively simple - call the back when we separate and get them to freeze it. The worst comes to the worst with that is I have to pay off the £500 overdraft as and when I can. The personal loan I am totally liable for. 10 grand. My only chance is to say that I was coerced into taking it out. And frankly I would never have chosen to put it solely in my name, but that was how it happened.

CAB were lovely. Also found out that the council have a deposit scheme that would help if I do move out. But as it is nearing the end of the financial year there may not be anything left in the fund. Which sucks a bit.

Carrying on life as normal at the moment. Trying to ignore all of his little comments. I think he knows something isn't quite right, but he can't put his finger on what. I don't know how long housing options will take to get back to me, but I hate this uncertainty.

My next task is to explore options surrounding getting court orders

call woman’s aid. Or your local woman’s aid charity. You can find the index on their website.

Ask them the questions regarding the loan, maybe money advice service can advice you regarding the purchase proof of the car, meaning can it be provided that the loan you took was to buy the car? Who is paying off that loan? But do call woman’s aid. Hope someone will be here with better advice.

No advice I'm sorry but wishing you well. You sound clear-headed and strong. Hope that freedom isn't far off for you and the DCs.