Hi need advice about relationship

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Hi people, basically I need some advice on what to do. I’m expecting a baby very soon, at the very start of my relationship with my boyfriend I spoke to someone else whilst drinking, we didn’t do anything but yes still bad I know this and I’ve accepted responsibility and I’ve felt guilty ever since, nothing happened between us but I said some stuff I shouldn’t of said, at this point my boyfriend was saying hurtful things about me to his friends and family and I felt very insecure about my relationship and wasn’t sure if it was really what I wanted. I continued the relationship and fell pregnant, now my baby is almost due and my boyfriend is asking me for DNA tests and he cannot move on from this and I’ve tried everything I can to fix our relationship because I love him and made a horrible mistake. It feels like my relationship is falling apart and he constantly throws it up in my face I’ve told him multiple times I’ve never been intimate with anybody else during the course of our relationship but he just doesn’t trust me at all, it’s been 9 months from this happened and it still hasent got any better. What should I do?

As I understand it, your boyfriend was denigrating you and bitching about you at the start of the relationship, which is why you spoke with this other guy(?) . And ever since this episode he's been using it as a stick to beat you with.

Sometimes we love people who are bad for us and harm us. Love is not enough. It doesn't outweigh how a person treats you. Pouring love into this relationship is like trying to fill a bucket with a massive hole on it.

He's not working to improve your relationship or move on, he's simply fixated on your supposed error, and making you grovel. For one reason or another, that suits him.

You need to make the break. It will be tough, but in the long run, it will be the right thing to do.

All you did was speak to someone. I speak to lots of people when I go out drinking, doesn't mean anything. He's using it as an excuse to be horrible to you. Don't stay in the relationship, it sounds toxic

There must be more to this? All you did was speak to a guy on a night out nine months ago? If that’s really all you did then you haven’t done anything wrong and your boyfriend is a jealous controlling twat who needs to move on from this and start supporting you and the baby.

Did you think about all this before falling pregnant?

You haven't done anything wrong by talking to someone who isn't your BF, it's very controlling and jealous behaviour that he has made you think that you need to constantly apologise and grovel for forgiveness for doing something that pretty much everybody does when on a night out. Are you meant to never speak to anyone who isn't him ever again?
If it was a friend of yours or your daughter telling you this was how she was being treated what advice would you give her? Would you tell her to stay? I doubt it, I think you'd tell her to run away from the situation as fast as she could go. That's what you need to do.
You need to break away from this toxic abusive controlling man, not just for yourself but for your unborn child, you dont want them growing up thinking this is what a relationship should look like.

What do you mean you spoke to someone? In person, texting, sexting? Why is talking to someone bad ?

Either way I'm assuming it's been 9-12 months you have been with your partner. Thing haven't really worked for 9 months of those. Which is either most or all the of the relationship? Don't try to plug away at something that doesn't work when there will soon be a child involved. It isn't fair.

He cant get past what happened. He can't use it as a stick to beat you with. Or, worse, if you were literally just talking to someone and it wasn't a sexual conversation or anything (?) Then you did absolutely nothing wrong and he is a controlling and jealous twat. You can speak to people!

I agree completely with LargeGlassOfWhiteWine. Your boyfriend is a nasty, controlling piece of shit. He is hitting you where he instinctively knows it hurts - challenging your loyalty to him when you need security, questioning the paternity of your baby and all this when your at your most vulnerable emotionally. He's forcing you to turn yourself inside out to prove your loyalty and subservience to him. It's straight out the controlling abuser's handbook as is the timing - controlling men invariably ramp up their abuse when their victim has their child. Do yourself and your child a massive favour and break free. He will suck every ounce of joy out your life if you stay with him.

U spoke to someone? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Regardless of whether you stay together or not, give him the DNA test.
It might just be he's panicking and doubting the relationship because it's a big step becoming a parent.

He probably knows the baby's his, but it's not unreasonable to be scared, especially if you've had a rocky relationship.

Do the dna test. Not sure why you stayed with him after he treated you badly at the start? Do you know why you stayed with him?

Stayed with him and got pregnant. You don’t just fall pregnant. It takes some effort.

I don't think this will ever be OK.
You 'spoke' to someone - wow - big deal!
He will continue forever more to use this a stick to beat you with.
You will always be on the back foot.
Always trying to make it up to him.
That is no way to live.
I'd get some distance for a while.
Do you live together?
If not, then I'd get away for a week or so to get yourself some headspace away from him.
You are bending over backwards for basically, doing nothing wrong.
You are allowed to talk to other people.
You are allowed to talk to 'male' other people.
He sounds controlling and that is not OK.
Time to really think about your future now.

I said some comments about how I didn’t feel like he wanted me etc. And I think it was because I confided in another man that’s why it hurt him so much, I told him I’m more than happy to do a dna test if that makes him feel any better. I’d rather him know for certain. We knew eachother for months before we got together and I really did have super strong feelings for him and I love him so much, plus I was so happy and excited to start a family with him. I thought maybe things would change and I’ve asked him time and time again if it’s truest what he wants and he’s told me yes, but then he throws it up in my face again, like I say I’ve tried everything to show my commitment towards him and I just want to prioritise my baby and if that means letting go then that’s what I have to do, but I’m in two minds as I do love him very much and wish things could get better but now I’m so close and things haven’t changed I feel as if there is no other way than to let go.

Do the DNA test and tell him for the rest of your pregnancy and after the results are back you don't want to hear another word about this incident.

You know you didn't sleep with the man, he doesn't know that. You could be lying from his perspective...many women have done so.

If there are other issues in your relationship, you need to deal with them and make it clear you won't be in a relationship where you aren't treated well. He needs to know, you're prepared to end it if things don't improve.

If the person can't get over it after a year let them go !