Marriage is over

[Myheartisbroken]

I’m not really sure why I’m writing this here but right now I can’t bear to tell anyone I’m real life as that makes it all too real.
We’ve been trying to make a go of things for 18 months since dh confessed to an affair but I can’t do it anymore. I’ve ended it. I thought I’d feel relief but I don’t. I just feel broken hearted.
We have 3 lovely kids and this is going to break them.
Please give me your advice to get through this.

Aww, you can't fast forward through the pain, you just have to hold on and ride the emotion. I don't believe that affairs automatically equal a split. But i have been a single mum and not living in stress is wonderful. We live in a world where families come in all shapes and sizes, the school can offer the kids counselling support with the ELSA if they need it. Do whats best for you. Focus on how you want to feel in a year. Good luck. Xx

I feel like I’ve been riding the emotion for months.
Your idea of focusing how I want to feel in a year is a good one.

Stay focused. You will feel better with time and you'll be happy again I'm sure. Big hugs x

@My heart.....recovery after an affair is do difficult. You will grieve the life you planned, the future you thought you would have and probably fear being on your own. I know I did.

Some marriages can recover but after 18 months, I think you are right to now move on without him. Staying most likely eat away at you and you will have a miserable existence.

My DC are older and a pic of them is my screenshot on phone. When my marriage first ended, I cried every time i used thr damn phone as i felt so sad that their parents had split and that I had failed them. Now when I look, I just feel pride and happiness. Your DC will not be broken by this...millions of them go through this and worse every year. They will adapt to the new way of being just as you will. It does take time but you will get there. Not living under the affair cloud will be a revelation to you once the dust settles. It's a soul destroying way to live.

I know you’re right.
But I still love him. I wanted to make it work but we’ve both changed so much.

It's ok to hurt. I told myself that for a year. It really helped not to try to talk myself out of the pain. Because the pain was justified. Its like a death, or an amputation. It hurts.

Make a list of things that make you feel better when you do them. When the pain comes, acknowledge it, sit with it for a minute, and then do something that helps. Bath, candle, long walk, cry, phone friends, watch cat videos, kickboxing, drawing... Something that works for you. What did you love to do as a child that you've not done for years? That should be on your list.

The pain will pass but you have to let it happen. Dont mistake pain as a sign you've done the wrong thing. It's a natural part of a brain that hates change and wants you to keep doing what you've always done. You have a right to overrule that and say "yes I'm hurting but I've made the right choice"

Sending you much love during a horrible time x

Thank you all. This morning I just feel numb

What will your next steps be op? Do you have plans in place? Will one of you move out?

No idea yet getrid. Ideally I’d like him to move out now to give me space to grieve but that’s not necessarily right for the dc. I’d prefer that we have some sort of plan in place before talking to them.
I think we just need the next few days to get our own heads round it.

My 20 year relationship ended 2 years ago on the back of an affair. It's pretty tough. But from crying involuntarily on the bus and having to go to the loo frequently to hide tears at work. Sobbing at home. I now can go most days at work without thinking about it at all and I maybe have a little cry now and then.

Even though I thought I didn't want it to end and he decided he did want to end it - I would now not go back. For me personally, with hindsight, I just wish we had bought it to an end sooner. However I to, still 'love' him - but experience teaches us the limits of 'love'. Good luck and take care.