Relationship ending.

[snowdays]

I'm sorry, I've got no one else to talk to and I need to let it out somewhere. I have realised my 10 year relationship is ending with no way to repair it and I'm devastated. I'm not ready for it to end and I can't stop crying. I don't want to tell the dc as they will be heartbroken.

We're here @snowdays. Talk to us.

Has something specific happened or has this been going on for a while?

Trust me, your DC will be OK. And you will be too in time.

Talk on here @snowdays. Like @Greenfingerswouldbehandy said, it WILL be ok. xx

Talk away... my 11 year relationship / 1 year of marriage ended in July and this forum has been amazing. I promise you that time helps heal everything and you will be ok xx

Thank you.

I just feel so alone at the moment and I've realised how much of my life has grown to depend on my bf.
It's pretty much a case of he isn't happy and doesn't like his life like this anymore. He told me it isn't how he saw his life. He wants a life of doing what he wants but with me still making the dinner for him etc. There's no compromise or family time and if I try and talk about it he turns it round on me and acts childish. It's pretty much a case of carry on leading separate lives for the sake of the children or I let him go. We obviously just want different things.

I'm trying to put on a brave face and not cry in front of the dc but it's hard. I feel so sick and shaky

He wants a life of doing what he wants but with me still making the dinner for him etc

Big fat NOPE to that one!!!! Why does he get to act like a spoilt child while you're running around sorting everything out? Bloody cheek!

How old are you both if you don't mind me asking? And how old are the DC?

'Staying together for the sake of the children' never works if either or both of the parents are miserable. Sorry.

So he wants you to be his unpaid maid whilst he dicks about in a carefree quasi-adolescent manner?

Wanker. He is no longer worth your love.

You’ll get through this - hang in there.

You’re allowed to feel like this so don’t beat yourself up, it’s awful and is a trauma! Sounds like he wants the best of both worlds which in reality isn’t going to happen. Has he said why he isn’t happy or what he is going to do to change it? In case he’s forgotten there’s 2 people in a relationship!

I'm in my 30s and he is in his 40s and the dc are 11 and 13. He is not their dad (bio dad isn't around) but has been in their lives for 9 years. It just hurts to hear that this isn't how he wants his life and it's harder as I'm not ready for it to end, it would be much easier if I wanted it also. I suspect he may be depressed but he won't seek help, in his mind he wants the single life and having a family stops that. I think he wants to go back to the days of being a lad etc. He doesn't see the problem spending both days of the weekend out all day doing his hobby as well as at least one evening in the week day doing it plus he was aiming for playing football on top and when he is home all he does is watch various football on the tv. I'm happy for him to have his hobby (it was good for him to get out and one dc goes sometimes) and have encouraged/paid for it but all I asked was to not do the Sunday version so we could have family time/go out/have a Sunday dinner/I have university tutorials every now and then on Sundays. But he turned it into me not letting him doing anything and being childish about it. He occasionally spends time with the kids but doesn't spend any time with me and if I'm honest I can't remember when we did last other than Christmas. He is very stubborn and has a certain mindset at times which doesn't help. It hasn't all been bad and he does look after the children when I need him to if it's not when his hobby is even though he's not their bio dad.

For the most part I'm sure I will be fine alone, it's just the small stupid things like going on holiday alone etc. I'm not close with my family and they don't live locally, the only friends I have are work friends but I commute so they are not local and one dc has SEN so things like childcare aren't straight forward and there will be times I need childcare to cover the days I can't get off from work. Sorry I'm rambling about insignificant things now. There is so much going through my head at the moment.

Bless you OP. But he can fuck off. He wants to reject you and your children, and kick it all away, just so he can be a ‘lad’?!

It doesn’t sound like he has any higher ideas about life - he obviously has no ethics, if he thinks rejecting his family is fine in the pursuit of adolescent hedonistic time-wasting.

This is not a man with anything to give. You are used to him, and having him there, and understandably scared of change, but honestly - he’s substandard. You will be better off.

My 7yr relationship looks like its ending and it hurts. I even think that i know it has to end, but it still sucks. Its so hard, but i keep reminding myself that i will feel normal, that my new life could be amazing, that theres so much time for third chances...same for you. We go through the pain, and we will come out the other side