To have told exH to sod the tiny inheritance

[googlyeyedpirate]

Elderly relative of exH passed away recently. Leaving DS a few hundred pounds.

ExH has not had contact in well over a year with DS (his choice) and every communication ever is drama and played out to the max - he involves family members, everyone including me is just really tired of it. After consulting women's aid for the zillionth time I realised I was putting myself through it and unless I have a letter regarding court or solicitor etc I actually don't need to engage at all. Needless to say I haven't received anything other than a few abusive emails.

Now he's tried to transfer DS savings account and obviously as DS does not live with him - it's been refused.

I've written a short email informing him that he can transfer the money into the account details he already has for DS or simply spend it! We'd far rather have maintained contact with the relative but he put a stop to DS seeing them. That a few hundred pounds seems stupid to have any contact over

Obviously I've done it now but have I been stupid or not? Thing is he doesn't trust me to look after a few hundred pounds for DS but does trust me enough to walk out of DS life at least until DS is old enough to decide for himself if he wants to visit his dad or not (by which time he's not even planning to be in the country anyway so a bit of a problem if DS ever does decide, he might get a short holiday to visit his dad but that's about the extent)

I'm thinking a) I need control/access for DS savings since DS lives with me and b) if he does transfer the account I then don't have that, and I'm far more likely to actually save for DS and c) it's a few hundred not thousands, if he doesn't transfer it I can give DS that amount when he's old enough to do anything with it and say it's what they wanted him to have

He's spent DS savings before that I just think it's a joke him deciding because they're his relative he should have control of it till DS is 16/18. There's a savings account he knows about he could have just put the money into... instead he's tried to transfer it to another account with a different bank?

I'm not really sure what the point was other than drama and contacting my family members who've had enough themselves. DS doesn't even understand money - 50p is as valuable to him as a few hundred in the bank he won't touch till he's old enough. It's entirely meaningless right now

Sounds like a massive drama over a small inheritance. Also seems more like a control exercise other than genuinely wanting DS to have the money. I'd tell them to shove it too! Clearly NC for good reason there!

I don't understand why you can't give exH the account details so he can transfer DS's inheritance money to DS's account?

Giving exH the bank details does not give him permission to withdrawn money from the account assuming you are the named adult on the account. If you're unsure then check with the building society but its seems a bit melodramatic to block DS receiving the money.

He has the details to DS savings account.

He's chosen not to transfer money but to try and transfer an account to his control. Which obviously was refused as he isn't named and doesn't live with DS.

And yes thanks @Snipples you summed up in far less words what I was trying to make sense of. It's exactly that - control exercise

If it wasn't - you'd just transfer the money with a note what it was. Perfectly decent savings account in use already (ISA)

Sorry I misunderstood

YANBU

@shaggedthruahedgebackwards 😂 I'm not suprised, my head spins at the mention of his name nowadays. Nothing is ever straightforward

Agree with the above, this is 100% a control exercise! I'd leave it and assume the money is written off and will never be seen by your son.

If your ex is adamant that the money is to go to your son and stay in an account that you have no control over, then he can open a savings account in his own name and give the money to your son when he's older.

Thanks @pinknsparkly

Yeah I think I've made sense of it now. Feel better for saying no. DS won't know till he's older and the amount it is I can give then if it does get spent in the meantime

For the sake of a few hundred? Fuck that.

There is nothing stopping him from transferring it to your DS's account if he wants to do the right thing.

If he doesn't, then it's much better for your sanity and your DS's wellbeing if you just make it up to him when he's older. It's not actually your obligation to do so, but if it means avoiding further contact with this knobhead then it sounds cheap at the price.

And yes, why can't the father open an account himself and put the money in it if he really wants control over it himself? That's far more logical than trying to take over control of an existing account which belongs to someone else (which sounds like a very dodgy thing to try to do).

P. S. I love how apparently you can't be trusted to take care of a few hundred quid belonging to your son, but it's fine to entrust you with the sole care and upbringing of that son. Obviously the tiny inheritance is far more precious than the actual child

Yeah it's pretty much that. I can raise him... but apparently you can't trust me with some money.

I've been called and accused of all sorts 😅 but I'm not listening anymore.

Is he the executor? It is the executor of the estate who is responsible for disbursing the funds to beneficiaries, and they must do that according to the will. So there is no question of it going into an account in your ex's name - it must go to an account in the child's name.

Since you don't trust him with the existing account, and he doesn't trust you to have the inheritance in the existing account, it's very simple. He should just open a new account in your son's name, and put the money in there.

But you shouldn't be telling him to spend it. It's not his money, and legally the executor must transfer it to your son.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad - that's spot on.

Since you don't trust him with the existing account, and he doesn't trust you to have the inheritance in the existing account, it's very simple. He should just open a new account in your son's name, and put the money in there.

This ^

It's not worth the trouble.

Stuff his money. Carry on doing what you're doing & raising your boy.

If he's the executor I'd point out to him that if he refuses to give DS the money then what he has done is illegal if he isn't the executor I'd go straight to the executor and tell him that he needs to send you a cheque in DS' name

I would actually do the above just piss the ex off but ignoring will probably just annoy him even more 🤣

At least the bank were on the ball and didn't allow transfer.

That is good.