Will he come back

[Brodie1912]

My ex boyfriend left me just before Christmas, he never came home and text me the next day, we was both struggling emoshionly and we just never talked he has a few issues in him self and never talks to anyone about anything. He can't deal with drama but instead of facing things he walks away. He says he loves me but love is not enough, he also tells me he thinks about me all the time and he left cos he though it was the easy way but he was finding it hard. He's told me to move on and not to contact him but then tells me how to contact him, I know his head is messed up but I love him deeply, if I give him some time will he come back, we planned to get married, he's never wanted to marry anyone before so I know he did love me. How can I get him to stop being studdon and put his pride aside so we can work things out? Please help no matter what I do I can't seem to look foward without him

I think you need to let him go, whilst waiting for him to come back you’re never going to heal or move on. It’s hard and hurts like hell but the only way to move on from him is to not contact him.

Sorry I hit post to soon - was planning on writing more than the above! So I’ll carry on below...

It sounds like you’re focusing on him and his head, we make ourselves ill by trying to work out someone else’s brain, you need to think of yourself. I’m 28 and my husband walked out on me in July.. claiming he needed to be on his own and was in a bad place etc I spent months trying to get him to see the light but you can’t make someone see something they don’t want to see. 7 months later and I’m in a much better place and no longer pine for him to come back. I know how much it hurts but you can’t put your life on hold hoping he comes back x

Wait until he gets into a much better place on his own.

I know it's hard but until he sorts himself out, he's just going to keep letting you down.

If it really is true love, if you two really are meant to be together, you will get back eventually.

I feel so lost, he says he loves me and feeling don't just go away, he has a lot of issues, ringing in his ears and some mental health problems. His way of dealing with thinks is to not deal with them. He think new day snd what happend yesterdsy is in the passed. I know he needs help to sort his issue out but he wont take it, he don't talk to no one about anything. I know he don't like confrontational or any drama but to walk away and just act like we was nothing.... I don't know what to do as we planned our lives together, I can't seem to look foward without seeing him. I try but every thing reminds me of him... I'm trying to give him time but hiw much time do you give someone. He's hard work and has no fight in him, it's easier to walk away. But I knew he had problems and I seen passed them... how long shoukd I wait to contact him one last time?

Men play with our emotions. You need to be happy in yourself before you can be happy with a man. This level of distress shows that you need to be alone and find your strength. This man will never stop playing with you. Good luck

I'm not to sure he's playing, it's hard to explain but he's not quite wired the same way. I'm not a needy person, if always been happy on my own. I was single for over 5 years, I never let anyone in before as I never wanted my kids to get close and get hurt, there was just some thing about him that changed everything, I broke all my rules. No one has ever been that close but we just clicked. I know he needs help and I also know if he don't help himself then no one can, I just feel lost without him, when we got together I took him as he was issues and all

The thing is, love isn’t enough and nor is it finite.

Like PPs have said, just focus on you (if you’re happy being single, you’re halfway there). It does get easier but not if you let all the what ifs consume you.

DH and me separated for six months. I still loved him, he still loved me. We got on with our lives and in our case did find a way back BUT we’ve both said that we were actually perfectly happy apart too. We only communicated about DD. We didn’t talk about how much we missed each other, loved each other. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of us and would have prevented both of us from dealing with the root of the problems (which in our case were to do with a tragic loss and subsequent changes to who we were after that).

I actually think the key to a healthy relationship is knowing that you’d be okay on your own too, because that’s where you bring a strong you with healthy boundaries to a partnership.

He can love you. He probably does love you. But it doesn’t make being together the right thing.

Think fondly of him. But if your issue was communication, that hasn’t changed. While I think you should not be in contact, if you must be you need to tell him he can’t say he loves you, and if he says he loves you then you need to remember that sometimes, they are just words or a feeling, not the concrete foundations of a loving relationship.