Teen girl with man in his 30's

[Dcm74]

Looking for opinions on this. I'm disgusted. 16 year old is smitten and thinks there is nothing wrong with this.
Please give me some tips on how to make her see it is not right.

Just to add she is not legal to consent until 18 where we are.

I’d report it

This is grooming. If you want to get through to her you need to see her as a victim rather than being naughty. Look up some advice about how to deal with grooming or help a loved one in an abusive/controlling relationship.

And yes if it's illegal reporting might well help if it's likely he'll get arrested or scared off by that.

Is she just having a crush or is it reciprocated?

I'd be shocked regardless despite being in a country where consent is 16. I'm early 30s and teach teenagers and would think there was something wrong with someone my age who wanted to date a 16yo.

Before you act make sure of your facts, has the 30 year old done anything ? If she is n’t your daughter be careful as her parents may be managing the situation and not welcome your intervention.

At 16 I was with a 29 year old. Our relationship lasted 4 years and We are still good friends over 24 years later.
If it was UK I think you under estimate a 16 year old but seeing as you are in a country where it's illegal you need to warn the 30 year old off of the 16 year old

@Bonkerz what do you mean about underestimating a 16 year old? Weird comment. What on earth does a 30 year old man want to go out with a 16 year old for? Is he emotionally stunted?

My daughter ran off when she was 16 years old with a man, who we later found out was 12 years older, the police told me all they would do was to check she wasn’t being held against her will, she stayed with him for several years before coming to her senses and realising what a control freak he was.

I could add other comments about him, but think I best not!

Been there done that.
I was 17 he was 32.
It's not right. All you can do is say he has not got her best interest at heart. And say what's wrong with him if women his own age don't want him?

Mine didn't end well after 2 years. I hope that's different for you.

I think it's creepy and weird even though it's legal in the UK.
If any of my mates in their 30s had been dating a 16 year old, we'd have thought him a weirdo, to be quite honest.

Is the 16 year old related to you?

Of course there are exceptions, but I believe in the "half your age plus 7" rule, and that there should be a 1-2 year limit on relationships when the youngest is under 18.

16 with someone in their 20s is pushing it, 30s is way too far and she is being groomed.

One of DP's friends (mid 20s) keeps dating 16/17/18 year olds and we've backed away from him a bit because it is just creepy.

When I was 16 I had a boyfriend who was 32, we were together for 6 months. In hindsight it was ridiculous, what sort of 32 year old wants to go out with a school girl? He used to pick me up from school. I used to lie about him to my mum as when he phoned the house she said there was no way he sounded like he was my age.

Looking back, it was creepy and he was just weird. It screwed me up for ages as when I split up with him he turned my friends against me and threatened to kill himself.

Anyway, enough about me... if she is underage in your country then report it. I wish someone had stopped me! I thought I was so grown up but I wasn't really.

My ex partner is 38 and with a 19 yr old and that's creepy enough for me.

She is related but not my daughter. I'm very concerned for her. Although she says she instigated it, and I understand 16 year olds are experimenting at this age, I am just sick at the thought of his role in this.

Hard to report since she now denies it since she knows he could get into trouble.

Im just really angry at his role in this, and like another poster said, can't see he genuinely has her best interests. She sneaks off with him for days, comes home at 4am on school nights etc.

Even if it was legal, I think any man that age fooling around with a child is sickening.

Bit of a loss though how to make her see sense of this.

She won’t see it. You don’t see it as a teenager. If reporting him would lead to him risking his job, being convicted and ending up on a register why not contact him. He might reevaluate the risk involved.

No. The age gap is too big. Not right at all. Can you speak to him? Or report him?

Revolting....

If a man is interested in a 16 year old (legal age UK) then he would be interested in a 15 year old...🤢

He's a predator no doubt....

Her dad has left him several messages, the wimp doesn't answer his phone. I've messaged him once as well warning him.
I'm going to message him information on the legal side of things and maybe scare him off.
I agree that I don't think we can convince her at all.

OP it’s slightly complicated by the fact that you’re not her parent, but one of you needs to report him. If it’s been suggested that they’ve had sex then the police should at least have words with him, which might put the frighteners on him. He might already be known to them, or if he does it again there will be previous. Creepy bastards get away with it so long because people don’t report, which is understandable given the way the police, in this country at least, treat women, but evidence mounts up. He might get a word this time, but next time he might get more, and another young girl might be spared.

I see in your thread title that you say a man in his 30s, so twice her age or older then?

No that isn’t right. No man in his 30s should be going with an under aged child. He’s not innocent, so I suggest you should put aside her reaction for now and do what’s necessary to keep her safe.

It doesn’t matter if she instigated it btw. He’s a grown man having sex with a minor, the responsibility is on him. The age gap is too wide for childish fooling around.