NC help please

[midniteatthelistandfound]

Name changed but have posted about my family before on the NC thread but found my posts got lost in the conversation.

I'm NC with most of my family. Abusive childhood, difficult teenage years and early adulthood before deciding fuck you and cutting contact.

I told one family member not to send anything further for the children due to their toxic attitude to me, accusing me of not giving the children the things they send which isn't true.They have ignored me and now send things via the one family member I do speak to who gives the gift behind my back.

Last week was my DC's birthday and again they sent something to be given direct. They usually post things.

I'm really pissed off that my wishes have been ignored and that they are using someone else as a messenger.

Me requesting no more gifts from this person has resulted in another family member not sending anything for the children anymore. There's never been an issue there or any accusations of the children not getting the gifts but is expected because they stick together against me.

My instinct is to return the gifts to the person but in doing this I know I will be putting my nice family member in a difficult position as they will get moaned at by them and the whole family will join us as to how unreasonable I am and how it's unfair on the children etc. Nice family member does not understand why I have to be awkward but my mental health has improved massively since going NC and wish I'd done it years ago.

How do I handle this?

Their right to send presents
Your right to bin
End of

And as for the “friend” who gives things behind your back... I would say that should be your focus

Actually don’t bin
Charity

Or if you genuinely want to stop it

Say that you will be selling anything they send, and spending the proceeds on having your nails done

They send money in cards.
I had words with the sneaky one the first time and now they've done it again. She knows how I feel yet still does it.

Do not return any gifts; the best thing to do here is to take them to a charity shop. Do not give these items any more power. Radio silence from you needs to be maintained; a response is precisely what they want because they know they will have you then.

The "nice" family member is easily manipulated and is being used here as a "flying monkey" by the other family member. Both here are acting in their own best interests, its certainly not in yours. I would actually consider having nothing more to do with either of these people going forward because they are really not bringing anything positive into your life. Neither are interested in hearing your side of things so their opinion should be ignored.

Do not forget that these people are only acting in their own best interest.

With any money sent then donate that same sum to a charity that you support. Do not return anything nor acknowledge anything from these people.

That's what annoys me: they want a thank you. It's what's this with the gifts as they were bitching about not receiving a thank you after only 4 days and accused me of not giving the children their gifts.
I will no longer acknowledge.

The flying monkey and I are very close but she is loyal to the rest of the family. She's misguided but truly lovely.

Well I got told "don't be like that" when I expressed my feelings and unfortunately couldn't discuss properly today so will have to try again. They need to respect my boundaries. I had no boundaries growing up and struggle now in my 40s because being "nice" was so important that I find it difficult to express my needs and not put others first all the time. Now that I have put boundaries in place they don't like it and are trying to circumnavigate them.