Me and my girlfriend

[neilallen1]

Me and my partner haven’t been getting on for a while even when she was pregnant and now the baby’s here nothing I ever seem to do is good enough ! She always threatens me to leave but now I actually turned around and said to go because she making me unhappy I have never felt good enough now she wants us to work on things I feel low in my self and she’s making me unhappy I feel worthless most of the time I could happily cry my self to sleep she always rubs in my face how I don’t have anyone not even my family (as me and my family are not close) and her and her family are we pretty much spend all our time with her family and never mine she always tells me because I don’t wake up with baby that I’m a bad dad I have been very ill past year with cancer haven’t got all clear either just don’t no what to do anymore please someone help ?

Sorry to hear this. Could you suggest couples counselling? It sounds like you both have a lot you are going through and babies bring their own issues. You have been through a lot and need some guidance in going forward.

She won’t try anything like that, I think maybe it’s just too late 😔 I been trying to make us work for a very long time and it’s taking its toll on us, me ! There’s been no love for a long time we don’t kiss and do things normal couples do to the point where my head is telling me I’m ugly and useless and she doesn’t want me, i just don’t know where to turn she’s basically isolated me from my family so I have no one and she has everyone, I just don’t no what to do 😔😔

Sorry to hear this Neil. Sounds as if you've been through a lot. Are you living together? Do you feel safe?

Oh OP, so sorry you're going through this . If for nothing, what you're foing through healthwise, should be the time for closeness, support, communication as wellas making every moment memorable.

Since you're not close to your family, have you got someone in real life you can talk to or are you close to any of her family members?

When it comes to the baby, does she stop you from doing your bit when you want to? I can't say it's PND as from your post, her behaviour started pre baby. Shame she turns down the idea of counselling.

How do you think/ feel you can cope if you leave? It's pointless staying in an unhappy relationship, totally unhealthy. Both of you can agree child's arrangement or something?

I hope all goes well for you OP

*going sorry typo.

Were you ever close to your family?
Could you reach out to them?
If she won't agree to helping fix this with some outside help then I can't see how you can continue.
She is messing with your confidence, your self-esteem, your self worth, your mental health.
No-one is worth that.
Please have a look at what separation looks like.
She is abusive and you do NOT have to put up with it.
A call to mankind might help you.
I'm assuming you are a male?
Website is HERE

Hello thank you yes we live together sometimes I wish we never ( and no she hardly let’s me do my bit but then throws it in my face when I don’t) I’m also on medication she’s been complaining about me taking as it makes me tierd so I have had to stop that.. and she’s made me lose all my family and friends they all say I could have anyone I wanted they all say I’m attractive and she’s not.. but it’s eaiser said then done it makes me feel ugly anyway and yes I was really close to my family before she came along I love my daughter a lot but when she takes over I feel like I haven’t bonded with her she always talks about my ex that I haven’t been with for 4 years as was with 10 years but she also lied about the paternity of what I thought was my son.. when we first got together she was obsessed with her ex (think maybe she still secretly is) that’s why she treats me this way.. I just don’t feel loved anymore we haven’t been sexual in a long time I find my self nearly bursting into tears when I see couples kiss and hold hands, thank you everyone for support just needed to rant I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.. I’m going to speak to someone about it because I can’t cope with it either.. and her family think she is perfect x

You poor soul. You sound in a right predicament. I suggest getting yourself out of that situation. Is there anyway you could reach out to someone just to go and clear your head for a few hours if you didn't want to overnight? I know you love your daughter but you have already got so much going on that you don't need the extra stuff on top. Is your medication is to do with the cancer treatment? If so, I wouldn't advise stopping them before you speak to a doctor. Is your partner suffering from a mental illness?

I think maybe I will go see my Nan she’s the only person in this world that will never judge me and will always be here regardless, and yeah my medication is for cancer but makes me very weak and sleepy( but that makes me a bad dad) I do all the cleaning cooking and washing, she does nothing expect see her family and be a mum, She makes me feel like I’m over reacting but I’m honestly not I can feel her skin crawl when I touch her or try show her affection which makes my heart sink, and I often asked my self if she is mentally ill but she seems to think she’s not!

What makes you stay? Apart from the children? Have you ever told anyone what's been going on?

Because After all this time I blame myself for it thinking she must be like this because of me but I know now I only think that because that’s what she drills into me and because I think things will change! She would stop me seeing my daughter I no she would she’s already said.. my whole family know what’s going on they hate her but I couldn’t see if at first and lost them all everyday she tells me I have no one and that they don’t care about me, my mum said she’s a mental abuser and she’s mentally breaking me but only past week I started to see it

She also knows that the 10 year relationship I had before I was abused as I was a victim of domestic violence with her I didn’t trust women and she knew this, but now she’s doing it mentally also

Well what's your plan of action going to be? I think it would be wise to speak to a doctor about it all and have it documented as if there was a time that you did split and you tell them about it all then at least you have spoken to a professional about it. Plus you need to address your medication. You shouldn't have to suffer anymore than what you are now with being so tired etc plus there's a lot more legal advice on helping father's see their children so you could seek help from citizens advice?

I have the doctors tomorrow I’m just going to be honest with them see if they can get me help, because it’s affecting me mentally aswell, after the doctors tomorrow I’m going to see if my family will support me and help me leave then I’m going to maybe go seek advice about my daughter but she didn’t let me go on birth certificate because I didn’t get up with baby the night before so I’m currently not on it 😔

You poor soul. I think your plan sounds great plus your doctor will keep it confidential. Just keep talking and sharing 🙂

Gosh OP, your updates have just reduced me to tears, you poor thing 😥.

She's clearly abusing you emotionally and it's having a serious knock on effect on your mental state. Please just as @Samind has advised, keep talking and sharing with the right people, don't keep suffering inside. I'm glad you'll be seeing and talking to your family soon, they will never judge you but support you through all this.

Please look after yourself, you will be well again and in due time, the woman for you will come along. X

Thank you both so much you have made me see the light at the end of the tunnel! I will get the help I need not only for my self but I will try my hardest to give my daughter the life she needs because seeing her mum and dad like this is never how I expected things to be, you made me realise that in actual fact it’s not me ! It’s her since hearing it on here I actually looked at her and felt empty and nothing for the first time so clearly this is what I needed thank you for being there I now realised that there is nice people out there, x

It's no trouble to listen ever. glad you've found some resolve and made a plan! Always come back and talk it you ever need it. 😊

OP, I just wanted to wish you well with everything. You are doing the right thing by ending this relationship ship, 100%.

Concentrate on your physical and mental health, your daughter, and your relationship with your family. I hope and imagine that they will be only too happy to help you through this.

Take care x