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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling sorry for myself

5 replies

TwixBix1 · 25/02/2019 21:49

Hi all,
Mid-20s female. From the outside, my life looks very "sorted" I guess in that I have got multiple uni degrees, top grades, respectable job, car, savings and look "ok/pretty" and I'm lively and witty.

Yet..the life part regarding interactions with people is very below average. Very few relatives, virtually no female friends and now been single (i.e. no date at all for 9 months now)...

Literally had 5 exes within the the last 7 or so years - most of them I hadn't been "physically intimate" with but anyhow:

ex1: over 10 years older than me, tried to cheat on his current gf with me by continually messaging me being all flirty and complaining about his gf and comparing me favourably against her (obviously I didn't give him another chance) - me and him hadn't seen each other in 5 years by that point - when he saw me, he'd stare and text etc but I didn't reply - he found someone who looks EXACTLY like me (body shape, skin tone, hair length, country of origin, job and even facially) to date. He eventually moved to another country and she quit her job and relocated with him (and got another job) - then they got married and are now on honeymoon..! So what, I thought as it is an ex from 7 years ago so not like fresh heartache, he wanted me back but I resisted and he married someone who looks like my identical twin so ego NOT dented massively.

ex2: Very brief few months thing (4 years ago) - came across a post online where he's buying a king size bed for the place he's moving into with his now very serious gf it seems... urgh... (oh and he met her towards the end of our casual rship...) - again he kinda came back a few times but I said no (though not sure if with romantic intention or just to be friendly).

ex3: cheated (although I wasn't physically intimate with him) but he's the type to have ONS etc and he's seemingly still with the woman he cheated with... 3 years on.

ex4: total narc and controlling obsessive nightmare who I left and he tried to beg me back for 1.5+ years constantly (even whilst with the new woman it seems).. has found himself a hot shot super high earning woman in her early 30s. He's also around the same age as her.

ex5: Very nice, generous and good looking but just didn't feel the spark so I left him but decided to stay friends as we got on very well... he also asked me back for a month even though he accepted the break-up initially. Then moved on with his ex from 3 years ago and he's taken her on a romantic trip to Paris........

so all in all, within the space of a month, 1 ex has gotten married and is on a luxury honeymoon abroad, another one's buying a king size bed with his gf (!), another one's upgraded to hot shot career woman, the one who cheated is still probably with her and final one has taken the new one to paris..

yet I can't even stomach the idea of dating anyone who's asked me out in recent times e.g. online and so haven't had a single date in last 9 months.. hard to meet new people when I'm at work 5 days a week, drive home and then just out to shops etc at the weekend.. !

If anyone has been where I am in mid-20s and then had a dramatic life improvement, let me know your nice stories and advice :)

I feel bad as this is like prime time where I have the most oppurtunities, etc but even if now, I'm getting only gross weird people ask me out, surely the ones interested will be fewer and fewer as I get older :(

OP posts:
TwixBix1 · 26/02/2019 20:38

Bump

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 26/02/2019 20:44

Probably your first step is to find some female friends, then your social life will widen. You'll have someone to go out and do things with, meet new people and find new interests. Isn't there anyone you already know who you could go out for a drink with, and take it from there?

TwixBix1 · 27/02/2019 21:58

Thanks for your response. That's sometimes easier said than done. I have a very agreeable personality and can quickly form acquaintances with women but taking it to a proper deep friendship seems tougher. A lot of women put on this front of "Oh you like X,Y, Z?! So do I' etc agreeing with everything, being nice but in the end it's not deep and the only follow up I get is if I randomly bump into them again

OP posts:
Cheeseandapple · 27/02/2019 22:13

Agree with pp about making female friends although, like you, I find it really hard. I've not made ANY really good friends that will stand the test of time since uni but I'm working on that and have started being bold, asking people or for coffee or to walk by the coast where we live. Someone said to me making friends needs at much effort as dating. Anyway, I think people respond really well to people being forward with them.

TwixBix1 · 02/03/2019 11:27

Thanks for your reply - has initiating meet-ups helped you with making true friends?

OP posts:
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