Fiance is friends with his ex

[Bumper75]

My fiance has a female friend and also has a close relationship with her son (7yr). They dated for 6 months when the boy was just 6 months old so he helped take care of him in that time and seems to have developed a bond.

I told him before we were engaged that I did not feel happy that he was friends with his ex. He has other female friends but I feel it is different becuase they have been intimate. I know I'm am crazy jealous but I have a 6 year old son too and it drives me crazy that my fiance is closer to his Ex's son than to mine.

He agreed to stop seeing them saying he would see them less so he didn't have to say he wasn't going any more but I could see how miserable it made him (mostly because I think he feels like her son is almost like his own) so I changed my mind. Now it makes me miserable every time he goes there.

He tries to tell me they are just friends and the children could play together and they are a nice family but it doesn't change how I feel.

I don't know if I am being unreasonable or too jealous or how to handle this. Apart from this we are very good together. What to do?

Thanks for all your comments. I read them all but too many to respond to each. I don’t know how I can change how I feel about her. I went to their house two times but I just wanted to leave the whole time. I have not known anyone stay friends with an ex before. Thank you anyway for your replies.

Are you sure that this boy is not in fact his son?

I’m great friends with my ex and we see each other regularly. No interest in a romantic relationship with him, but he’s been a good friend to me and I trust him.

I’m afraid I’m with the posters that say this would be a deal breaker for me if I was your partner. The control combined with lack of trust would have me running for the hills.
My current partner is close friends with an ex he was with for 2 years. I actually see that as a massive positive that they’ve still got friendship and respect for each other. Certainly beats dating guys who do the ‘crazy ex’ routine.

I truly get where you're coming from OP. Really. On some level it must be hard knowing they were together and you say your fiance has a better relationship with her son than he does with your son. That obviously would hurt/be an issue. There's a bond they three (fiance, ex, ex's son) have that you three (you, your son, your fiance) do not have. Couple that with them being intimate at one time, it might be a lot to deal with.

Can you try and see where your feelings stem from and try and work through them to give the ex and her son a chance? This is what I would do if I was in this situation. If my fiance was worth it and we had something amazing, I'd try and do a little self-work and see what bothers me about their relationship and try and fix the origin of those feelings. I wouldn't want my fiance to feel resentful or angry that I changed things for him. Have you shared your feelings with your fiance? Like been truly honest and open about all of this? Hopefully you have a relationship where nothing has to be held back. Communication helps a lot.

Because it was some time ago that your fiance and the ex were together, I think re-evaluating your feelings is ideal. It's been so long and it truly sounds like nothing is going to rekindle between them. You have reasons for feeling the way you do, now just find those reasons, where do they stem from? Go from there. No need to like her all in one day, one week or one month. But get to the root of all of this. :)

Do you plan time for the three of you (your son, your fiance and you) to hang out and bond? Maybe this might help strengthen your fiance's and son's relationship and might help in that area.

Does the ex flirt with your fiance or anything like that that you have noticed? Might that be something causing this?

I also was wondering why they broke up, someone else asked above.

My DH is friends with several of his exes. I think it speaks volumes about what a good person he is and how maturely he approaches relationships. It showed me that being friends with the people he is intimate with is important and that he can maintain positive relationships after a break up - low drama and still caring about the people he has slept with. I think it means he respects the people he has slept with as being more than just about sex. Your fiance sounds like a good person. He cares about this boy and his previous partner. Has she ever given you a specific reason not to like her?

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He says they broke up because they just argued all the time but after they broke up they got along well.

Thank you for the comments

I don't know if I am being unreasonable or too jealous

Yes and yes.

If I was your fiance I'd have dumped your ass by now. Controlling behaviour telling someone who they can and can't be friends with and if this was a male OP saying he had told his female partner who she couldn't be friends with he'd be handed his ass on a plate by every reply and if she was posting about him she'd be told it's a huge red flag and to LTB.