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Original poster

Anonymous screen shot of instamessage flirtation

55 replies

Lefty1 · 25/02/2019 16:58

Hi all, asking for a friend on this one :) so here goes :

my dear friend has been with her boyfriend for just over 8 months. They are very much in love however recently she has received an anonymous message with a screen grab of a flirtatious exchange between her boyfriend and another woman. You can’t see the ID of the user from the screen grab so there is no way of asking the person direct . The messages don’t refer to sex or infer that anything sexual has happened but her boyfriend allegedly , is telling this person how incredible they look and how he would follow her back on Instagram but would get into trouble etc... also asking for her to join him in going to a gym outside of the local area with kisses and all the “😍” emojis thrown in .

My dear friend doesn’t really know what to think and is suspecting the screen grab could have been faked , is this possible ?

Probably a massive drip feed here but there was an overlap between his ex and my friend , he basically chose my friend and dumped the girl he had been with for just over a year.
My friend mentioned that the ex had gave him some abuse when she found out about their relationship (roughly two months after) and sent my friend a very blunt message but nothing since, her boyfriend is swearing blind he didn’t send and thinks it’s something to do with his ex being still bitter.
What do you guys think and what would you do under these circumstances?

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 25/02/2019 18:43

That definitely could be photoshopped, probably by a reasonably competent first year media/photography uni student.

But to go to that level of effort would the message not be more incriminating?

So I think it's real.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 25/02/2019 18:44

What about the forensics/prose of it? Is it the way he would likely express himself. Are terms used his terms in texting/messaging? If so then it's unlikely to be faked unless the faker knows him very well.

PP love the If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's probably a cheating cunt Grin Grin

category12 · 25/02/2019 18:48

So basically it's written the way he writes, it uses his username and looks like a genuine screenshot.

Yeah, the woman he sent this to has sent it to her. It is not some complicated belated revenge of a woman scorned. It's someone pissed off by some twat transparently asking her to cheat with him. Good for her.

shinyNewPound · 25/02/2019 18:54

From the screenshots it reads like she didn't initiate or flirt back. She must have seen his pics to ask about the girlfriend. She probably thought your friend should know and sent her the message. As someone said upthread, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck.

Original poster
Lefty1 · 25/02/2019 19:10

@stayathomegardener that is a really good point that if it was a revenge punt by the ex surely she would go all out in the message and make it more sordid. Thanks for your insight !

OP posts:
Original poster
Lefty1 · 25/02/2019 20:14

So I’ve relayed the unanimous response and advised her what I think is the most probable scenario... my friend has decided she is going to stay with him , he has convinced her it’s a photoshop job 🙈. I guess all I can do is support her when the inevitable will happen Confused. Thanks all for your input and taking time to respond ...who knows maybe over the next few days she’ll see sense !

OP posts:
ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 25/02/2019 20:23

Your friend needs to see this thread OP.

RiversDisguise · 25/02/2019 20:43

Your mate is a mug

booboo24 · 25/02/2019 20:53

Doesn't she want to know who sent it though? I think she knows this girl, to be honest. Anyway, maybe once the shock settles she will see sense

Original poster
Lefty1 · 25/02/2019 20:55

I’ve sent her a link to the thread as she didn’t believe me that not one person thinks it could be the ex as the most likely scenario. Her tone is ultra defensive Sad I don’t think I can do anymore ...sadly

OP posts:
lifegoes · 25/02/2019 21:02

You can't as he's good at manipulating. He'll convince her anything

But the girl knows her, as she's said girlfriend and not wife. How would she know either way? If she didn't know.

He's either told her before, they've spoken before or she knows her.

My first question if I didn't know either way would be "why would you get in to trouble if you follow me back"

GirlOnIt · 25/02/2019 21:04

Well he's got form for overlapping girlfriends. Your friend says it's how he texts, I'm guessing it's his profile pic?
He's trying his luck with other women and one of them as tried giving your friend a heads up!

A bitter ex would have made out he'd snagged her. Not just paid her a few compliments and been a bit suggestive.

I bet this wasn't the first and won't be the last!
I once got a similar message from a guy I knew was in a relationship and when I mentioned it to a friend turned out he's tried her and another of our friends too! I think they sometimes just message as many women as possible and hope they find someone willing.

lifegoes · 25/02/2019 21:05

Have to agree @GirlOnIt guys use Instagram now has a dating site for sex. They can send messages to anyone without anyone knowing. So easy done

toffeeapple123 · 25/02/2019 21:08

Poor friend...this isn't going to end well for her Sad

GirlOnIt · 25/02/2019 21:12

Definitely @lifegoes. I had one guy who messaged similar to the first message on the screenshot. His Instagram bio had his Gf's name followed by their baby's due date and 'can't wait to be a little family'
When I pulled him on it he replied, I can still have some fun can't I?

CantStopMeNow · 26/02/2019 02:05

Karma has come back to bite your friend's ass - she chose to be with a cheater and now he's cheating on her......the second he's lined up her replacement she's going to get dumped.

Original poster
Lefty1 · 26/02/2019 07:50

I’m really hoping once its sunk in that she will let common sense prevail. She didn’t behave correctly with the overlap (not really sure how she feels about this as she doesn’t mention at all) but I would hate for her to get hurt ☹️

OP posts:
GirlOnIt · 26/02/2019 08:03

For me and this is from my experience and that of my friends. In your Op you said
he basically chose my friend and dumped the girl he had been with for just over a year.
This honestly says so much! It sounds like he's the prize and I'm betting he believes it, but unfortunately so does your friend.
Guys like that like the chase, the screen shots just scream the type of man he is. I can picture his Instagram, gym pics, tight t shirts, crappy tattoos, over styled hair and a bit too tanned to be natural. Thinks he's gods gift and will be messaging nearly every woman (the same babe you look so hot, type message) who posts a pic in tight gym gear or dressed up for a night out.

lifegoes · 26/02/2019 08:20

Ill add to the above message too

He'll message every girl he likes,
Get into conversation and swap phone numbers
Tell the girl he's in a complicated relationship
His GF makes his life a mess
Some girls will refuse, some will believe it
He'll love bomb the new girl until he hooks her in
They'll swap numbers and then he'll store her as a Male contact in his phone.
They'll message
He'll pull her in
Until out of his numerous girls he finds one he really likes, he will play the game
Then suddenly he'll leave your friend for another girl.

Rinse and repeat

youaremyrain · 26/02/2019 08:26

I agree with PP, if you were going to therefore of faking it, you'd make it more incriminating.

She needs to ask for access to his phone /instagram but it's probably too late now

Original poster
Lefty1 · 26/02/2019 08:52

Yes he has done a lot of love bombing towards my friend and his display pic is him with his top off (showing off his six pack ....cringe) I think he is already getting bored but my friend has told me she doesn’t want to discuss it any more, she’s decided she believes him so case closed for her 🙄.
It makes me so annoyed but I don’t want to lose our friendship so will respect her wishes and be there for her when he finds her replacement . My god he is such a douche .

OP posts:
InfiniteSheldon · 26/02/2019 08:59

Karma

GirlOnIt · 26/02/2019 09:26

You can't do anything @Lefty1. Just be there with wine and tissues when she finds out the truth.

ChippyPickledEggs · 26/02/2019 09:40

Your friend should dump him for his cringe worthy use of language and casual sexism. Babe?? Yeah, fuck off mate.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 26/02/2019 09:42

Deep down, your friend knows that he is a cheat. But she can't quite let go straight away of the relationship she thought she had - it will take a while to sink in. That is frustrating but normal - not everyone reacts in the moment like a badass.

Don't push your friend to dump him straight away - she needs your support and understanding. I was once in a similar situation (knew he was cheating, but chose to believe his denials for a few weeks) and a very wise, very loving friend said to me "sometimes you just have to go all the way to the end". She knew we weren't going to stay together long term, but she also knew I couldn't just walk away until I'd had a chance to process what had happened.