Is my husband a lier?

[Anmaria]

I found some messages on my husband's phone ( had strong suspicions of him texting/seeing another woman). He was saying to another woman that he loved her so so so so much, missed her and wished he could lay on top of her and that she was perfect to him... Her replied to him was I love you so so much too... He told me that they don't love each other, he didn't mean it and that they haven't had sex. We have been together 22 years, married 17 and two teenage children. He hardly ever wants to make love to me. Only twice a year for the past 5 + years. He says he loves me and doesn't want to split up. Can he be trusted?

@Lozzerbmc January the 11th... The night before we had a talk as I felt the marriage was coming to an end as I couldn't carry On being with someone that gave me no attention even ignored my messages on a daily basis but he was on line all the time... He said that we had so much good things together and we had to give it a go at making it work. I agreed, we even made live that night. Then, the following night he sent them messages to that woman... Heart broken. Felt stupid and used.

Dont feel stupid he is the stupid one. What are you going to do OP?

It's not that he doesn't want to lose you, it's that he doesn't want to lose his way of life.

He is having sex and the excitement of an affair and he doesn't want to lose 50% of his assets, 50% of his pension, the expense of a divorce and the comfort of having you do all the donkey work while he gets to come home to a clean house, cooked meal and keeping his family life ticking over.

Ask yourself what you are getting out of the marriage. I know I got 65% of the assets, a lump sum of cash enough to buy a house mortgage free, the motivation to start my own business and a lovely new partner who treats me with love and respect.

He's got a lot to lose, now ask yourself what you are losing if you get rid of the cheating bastard.

@Lozzerbmc He used to be my best friend and I was always very attracted to him. Now all these have vanished. I can't stand being with him. He needs to go. I feel sad for our children but they will be fine.

@callkiki you are very right on everything that you are saying. I will be better without him. I have nothing else to lose now.

Omg he is a prick!

He doesn't love you or he wouldn't be speaking to someone else this way. He is definitely a liar and wants to have his cake and eat it too!

Please walk away and don't let him get what he wants.

I totally understand what you are going through.A physical affair is hard to bear, but it is so much harder when you feel your DH is involved emotionally.
I too, find declarations of love although it was old messages of an EA that had come to an end.
Difference is ,is that since that, we are going to counselling together and my DH is doing his best to work on our marriage and seems genuinely remorseful.
It does not seem that your DH cares to do what is necessary to mend things.You seem determined to start the divorcing process and I applaud you for that.If I ever found myself in your position , I too would do the same.
You deserve respect and I hope you also get the means to start over for yourself.

@Ferfeckssake It's awful isn't it? I'm glad things are working out for you x. I felt he gave up on me long time ago, years ago. I've always been the instigator until I got tired and I stopped and thought: 'If you want me you chase me'. He never really did. He used to stay working late on his computer, sat on the sofa at home until he felt asleep there all night sometimes. It felt like he was avoiding me. We have been more like friends living together , like running a family business than a proper couple reladhionship. Counselling wouldn't work for us I don't think, as he let our marriage died long time ago and only because he has been caught and he is now panicking, he doesn't have the right to try and repair years of neglection.