Relationship

[Rosssy6]

I have been married for 10 years and we have 2 lovely daughters. I was fine and happy with the way my life was going until our last anniversary. On our 10th anniversary last year everything changed for me in a bad way. My husband was very upset with me at night he told me that I am not showing him love, not romantic, not interested in sex, lazy, dumb and other things... After this event, I too was angry with him and didn't speak to him for a week because was very hurt and even he didn’t make any effort to talk. After a week I tried to talk to him, but he didn't want to speak to me on this and told me to sleep in a different room. After 8 months (in between I have tried to sort this issue, but he wasn’t ready) he agreed to speak and during the discussion he told that I am very fat and he hated the tummy part of me and he said if I lose 7 to 8 kgs he will try to be normal and added to this is to show him more love and affection. I was fine and started to lose weight with great difficulty & lost 5 kgs and showed him more attention. He seems to be fine for the last 3 months. Ever after the patch-up he was very bossy and wants to listen to him all the time and has shout at him in bad word when there was small misunderstanding.
Yesterday was our anniversary and from the morning he was upset over small things and I felt bad for his behaviours but tried my level best to be normal. We went out for a movie and lunch with kids. In the evening when we went to bed, he started behaving rudely again started to say that I didn't show him enough love and affection (and sex) on our wedding anniversary and started saying that I am very lucky to have him, and he said he is trapped with him and don't know how to exit. Also, shouted at me on other things as usual. I really don't what is happening to him. I feel very disturbed to be in such situation and I don’t like arguing a lot because of kids around but he really takes advance of me, shouts and curses and gets aggressive calls me names. He wants some changes in me whenever he is unhappy with him.
I have been unhappy last year and don't want to continue even this time. Really don't know what to do any suggestions, advice to sort this issue will be helpful.

He sounds awful he shouldnt shout at you or ask you to lose weight like that. So he was always a good husband before the 10th anniversary?

Yes he was fine.

He's having a mid life crisis (whatever age he is). Dissatisfied with his life, blaming you for not being his idea of perfection. Maybe there's an OW? I certainly wouldn't put up with this nonsense. If he's not happy, tell him to bugger off!

My heart sank reading this.... What a horrible way for someone to treat another person, let alone your husband of 10 years.

I would seriously be considering my next move would be to leave him and get out. To have someone give you ultimatums to satisfy themselves and demolishing your self esteem and confidence in the process is absolutely horrendous.

I am very sorry you are having to live with someone like this. My suggestion would be, if you want to make this work long term is to find a way of sitting down and talking to him in a way where you can speak to each other in a respectful way..... However, from what I've read of your post he doesn't sound like he's likely to be reasonable towards you.

I hope you can dig deep and stand up for yourself...... But remember this, don't let him walk all over you and continue treating you like this.

Perhaps try telling him how is he making YOU feel in all of this. Your feelings and needs are important too.

Good luck x

Thank you all for the reply. I am planning to speak to him again on the issues that I am going through because of him and will explain how I feel and what I expect our relationship. I hope things will change for the best.
Thanks once again!

I have to agree with singlenotsingle that he is having a midlife crisis and (quite possibly) an affair, as mine did. Guilt usually makes people critical and defensive.
It's incredibly common for people who are having their own crises and are unhappy with themselves to project it all onto their partner and the relationship they're in.
My ex did exactly this and I spent a year trying to 'fix' myself and all the myriad problems he seemed to find. It made zero difference because even though I fixed everything he raised, he still left. I wish I had realised then that it was never about me - it was about him.

You have to be firm and stand up for yourself before he crushes your self-confidence and you no longer have the will to leave or believe in yourself. My self-worth was at an all time low after being belittled for so long - fortunately when he did leave I found my inner strength and resilience. You will too if it comes to that.

It might be useful to get your own counselling to figure out where your boundaries are and what you will and won't put up with.