Friend bossy

[Bajskorv]

Hi the other day my friend texted me and asked if one of her friends had contacted me, about me babysitting his child.

Apparently her mate wanted HER to babysit but she's not around so she told HIM to ask ME. The thing is I don't really know him, and the other thing was she never asked for my permission to plan this without asking me FIRST.

She just texted me randomly Has D contacted you? (like, I told him to ask you for babysitting)...

Eeehhh okay?

She's done this few times. Planning my Xmas too without asking me what my plans are, and invites people i hardly know, because they are lonely on Xmas day. And when her friend never turned up on Xmas day I hear nothing from my friend, like an apology for butting in.

She be here tomorrow, what should I tell her? I don't want an argument and us becoming enemies because of this, cuz there was a time we didn't talk for 6 months due to her making a hen out of a feather over something. She's my only friend too and my son needs her just as much as I need too.

I love the expression 'making a hen out of a feather'.

You need to find new friends and stand up for your self. Her upset isn't your problem. Don't be bullied and say no to the babysitting if you don't want to do it.

So if he asks then say no - problem solved. Same for the Christmas thing. Just practice ‘no, I can’t/won’t/don’t want to do that, thanks for thinking of me though’. Or similar if you’ve got/can think of a sentence you are comfortable saying then you’re prepared.

Never apologise, no need to explain- just a no, with a smile will do the trick. If you don’t behave like a doormat you won’t be treated like one. She may not realise she’s doing it/have good intentions & if you say nothing how could she?

How cheeky. Use the ‘that doesn’t work for me’ line, or say you are busy etc.

I think you need to expand your your friendship group. Can you start going to a new club with your son, or toddler group, or football club, etc.

"Sorry, but I'm not comfortable babysitting a child I don't know, especially when I've not been consulted beforehand. Please tell your friend I'm not available for child minding. Thank you."

She's not really a friend, if she doesn't respect your boundaries and feelings. No one needs friends like that, no matter how lonely.

I love the "made a hen out of a feather line"! That's a new one on me

Thanks for the replies. You are right. I'll learn not to be a doormat and say no with a smile, but I enjoy being nice and being mean is not my nature so I guess it will be taken advantage of unfortunately.

I also hated the 6 month period where we weren't talking while I was trying to find new friends and that didn't happen no matter where I went.

The loneliness felt like I was stuck in a desert and no where out. I just can't experience it again either. I started losing hope of ever having a friend, to be honest, back then.

But I Def will try get more backbone in me.

I know this is no help but I will be aiming to use "making a hen out of a feather" a minimum of once a week from now on.