New relationship...worries. Need some views on this? (long sorry)

[Rocklover]

Yes, yes, ok, was on a week or so ago saying how gorgeous my new partner is (and he still is, and fairly lovely too). But have a few worries, and although I don't want to split up at all, could just do with some input. Also my DH (who I split with last July) was my only real "proper" relationship before this so I feel slightly clueless.

To the point, I was chatting on the phone to DP last night and he was trying to work out a date (to do with house buying) and he let slip that he had only split up with his ex a month before he met me (now he was really cut about this and still has a bit of an issue, not with her I think, but the nature of the split). Also he said he "loved" me 3 weeks after we started going out. Another thing is, an ex he lived with for 6 years (think they broke up a yr or so ago) is apparently his "best mate" and they are often out shopping together or round at each other's houses (hard for me as I cannot drive at the mo). I had the misfortune to see her picture online by accident and she is pretty and blonde and I now feel a bit weird about it all.

I am not a jealous, clingy type, never have been, never will be, and I know he won't stray...I am very sure about that! But I can feel a bit paranoid about myself at times. What I am trying to say is, does all this sound a bit odd to you, or has anyone experienced anything similar? I don't want to split as we get on really well, but I wonder should I pull away slightly as his intensity sometimes overwhelms me a bit? I just don't want to get really hurt and I think I could. God I am rubbish at dating....help! Sorry it's soooo long!

Hmm, he sounds like he might be a bit overintense, inclined to jump in with both feet.

I've certainly dated men like this, I think, a bit. Oh, and I've been a woman like this, too.

I'd worry he might be the sort of person who might go 'off' you reasonably easily, if you see what I mean ...

That's what I do worry about, I never wanted a relatinship like this after coming out of a marriage. He kind of drew me into it a bit....trying to work out how best to handle it all. Trouble is.....I am so attracted to him....and he hasn't really done anything worth breaking up with him for. I guess it's just a case of wait and see....but I am going to distance myself slightly...kind of a self preservation move lol.

Hmm, my DP was a bit like this when we met.
He seemed to have close friendships with females more than males. He had only been out his marriage for 6 months when he met me and thought it was love at first sight.
What you need to remember is, that no matter how short they are out the relationship, it probably wasn't going very well for a long time otherwise they wouldn't have split in the first place.
Secondly, I think men find it easier to talk to other women about their emotions than to other men, especially when it comes to break ups and meeting someone new.
Apparantly my DP's (female) friend was sick to the back teeth of hearing about me.
He's not really as friendly with them anymore, I think they provided an emotional crutch for him when he needed it and know thats me!
HTH.

I have had a sneaky peek at your pics and don't think you have anything to worry about with his 'mate' - you are gorgeous!

DH is still on very good terms with his ex before me and there's no worries there. He's also the very intense type, said 'i love you' far too quickly and jumped in with both feet. I've learned it's just him - he has phases of real enthusiasm for me, life, the children, and phases of not really being interested - I just had to learn that it's how he works.

Distancing yourself a little sounds sensible but make hay while the sun shines - enjoy the relationship for what it is now and not what it might become.

Teafortwo, your DH sounds just like my DP, he goes through periods of intense I love yous, then sort of goes a little indifferent lol...men are strange. The funny thing is as soon as he thinks I am seeming distant he starts panicking...but the bottom line is, no matter that he can be a pain, I really want to be with him.

Those replies have made me feel much better, I thought I would get a deluge if "he's mental" type answers. Thank you for the compliment Teafortwo..DP continuously tells me I am gorgeous....but unlike his other girlfriends I have a child, so come complete with jelly belly and stretch marks lol!!

Rocklover, did you say you are buying a house together?

At this stage I would not worry too much either.
Just enjoy this new, fresh relationship!

God no, we are not buying a house together...that would make me slightly mental lol. By the way, just looked at my profile, those pics are quite old, look a bit different now...hair longer, lost some weight(woohoo). If anyone is nosey they can check out my Myspace page:
myspace.com/rockchick1974

Phew I didn't want to put my foot in it
but...that would have been worrying!!

If my partner was 'best mates' with her ex
I would not be panicking but I would want to find out a bit more without coming across
as overly suspicious.
E.g. why did they break up then?

Nice pics btw

Why thanks DaddyJ. DP is off to London with his mates tonight (but apparently he doesn't do "bloke" stuff...gets very offended if you call him a bloke), however doesn't know whether he will get too pissed or not so probably won't see him this weekend. That sounds pretty blokey to me lol!!!

My problem is that I get a little paranoid about myself sometimes, and have never really been hugely popular with men...didn't get asked out much when I was younger. So I still find it very surprising when he says some of the things he says...don't get me wrong he is not in any way perfect, I just find it hard to accept that he really fancies me...cos I think I am fairly average really and I have the dreaded jelly belly.....argh!

God that sounds rather self loathing, but I don't hate myself or anything lol, just on the eternal diet along with most of womankind.

My husband was just out of a 5-year relationship when we met. He said he loved me very quickly and I tried and failed to keep my distance out of self-preservation. He proposed very quickly and we've now been married for 2 years, pretty damn happily. He also has tons of female friends that he's had flings with/gone out with briefly that I get on very well with and he never makes me feel paranoid about them. So I would say, stay positive and don't lose your head. It all sounds good to me. Good luck!x

That sounds wonderful Ladybug, I am glad it worked out. I think my DP is trying to decide where he wants to go with me lol. He told me before we even went out that he would never marry and I am certainly wary of treading that path again. However, he has started saying on occasions..."so would you marry me if I asked?". He makes out he is joking, but genuinely wants me to answer. I think he wants me to be "the one", but we just don't know each other well enough to decide that yet.

The thing is, even on our first date, the attraction was very, very strong...chemistry wasn't the word for it. I think it surprised him quite alot, because all of his previous girlfriends he met through work, I am the only one he ever asked out without knowing me first lol.