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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I want to have a closer relationship with my dad. Can I have some advice please?

3 replies

YellowBilledLoon · 25/02/2019 08:23

Hi,
I'm in my early twenties. I feel I have a good relationship with my dad and he is a wonderful person, but I feel like lately it's been a bit superficial, such as the basic "How are you?" and "Here's an interesting article," etc. We do often spend time together and it's fun, but there are two deeper issues I feel like I should talk to him about concerning our relationship that I don't even know how to go into:

  1. My choice of what I like to read and write. I like reading and creative writing. He thinks many of the books I read are too intense and is more a fan of positive/motivational/inspirational books. I write in a similar style to what I like to read. I recently offered to send him a few of my creative writing files for him to read later, and he said he has "a lot going on" and would only be likely to read a particular piece of writing if I point it out to him. I found this a bit hurtful as I would have thought he would enjoy reading all of them, because he loves me.
  2. I was in a very abusive relationship two years ago, but allowed myself to be manipulated by my ex for quite a long time, so have only been NC for 3 months. I still struggle sometimes, but don't know how to approach the subject with my DF. My DM was great about talking me through my feelings, but I just wish I could talk to my dad about it in the same way. He knows almost everything that happened (through my DM), but is also a firm believer that events that happened in the past should just be let go. I just feel like it's very difficult not to be able to share some of these feelings with someone whom I really care about.
Does anyone have any thoughts on how or even if I should talk to him about these things? Thanks!
OP posts:
category12 · 25/02/2019 12:57

I'm not sure you can make him capable of being the sort of emotionally literate dad you want him to be. Can't you just enjoy him as he is, rather than trying to force him into things he's not comfortable with?

He's willing to read your favourite piece, so tell him which one you're proudest of. If your kind of writing is not his thing, it's a bit much to expect he reads all of it.

chestylarue52 · 25/02/2019 19:33

I don't know about number 2 but my late father only knew what was going on with me emotionally though my mum and he was never going to change that.

He once said when I was upset after a bad break up

"now you can talk to your mother about all how you feel and everything like that. Is your boiler still on the blink though, and are you OK for money?"

That was how he loved me. And I was OK with it tbh. If I'd tried to change him he'd have been uncomfortable.

chestylarue52 · 25/02/2019 19:34

God I miss my dad 😔

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