Just thinking...

[anonymous1982]

Hi all, just wanted to write this and see if you have any thoughts.

I am a man, 38 years old and divorced over 3 years ago. I am not in touch with my ex and she doesn't talk to me either with how the divorced turned out being the worst you can possibly imagine.

I was very close to her when we were together and she was the world to me. There was a time I used to think it would be best I die first as I wouldn't be able to cope without her. But that was all those years ago. I am not sure if i miss or not but got to a point where I am just not thinking about her and accepted for what life is now.

I have family who lives overseas and although I talk to them often I only visit them once a year. Long distance travel is expensive and don't have much annual leave at work. I have no friends at all here - used to have but not anymore. It doesn't matter that I don't have friends as I know that I am not a great company anyway.
I had the wrong type of friends who were filled with jealousy and talk behind the back type of guys.

I definitely don't want another relationship and no marrying again. I want to stay from people as much as I can and avoid any gathering at all. I can't see how I am going to change the way I look at this and not sure if I want to.

I am not happy with my life but also don't think I am sad. I just seem to exist on this planet worrying about what most worry about - bills, work stuff etc. I dont have any hobbies and never had any in my life.
The most exciting thing I have done for myself and enjoyed was binge watching games of thrones last month....sad right?

My life seems dull even to me but I compare myself to those less fortunate (example being the homeless, disabled etc) and say to myself I am lucky and it could be worse and for that I am also grateful to what my life is now. I also hear that there so many old people who are alone and don't have anyone to talk to. I console myself by saying that this could be a good practise for me if I ever get old.

I don't know what advise i want from you guys but my life just doesn't seem right for a 38 year old man. I dont even know myself what i want - but what i do know if i was still married to her then having her would have meant something. I am not saying I want her and already let her go longtime ago (honestly!). I also got this mortgage burden I got to do on my own as the house won't sell after divorce.

Almost no one knows the insight I have given here about my life but if people were to find out then you know that they would think I am a loner and a weirdo etc.
It genuinely sucks though being on your own and not having anyone with you.
I got to do every little thing on my own too - be it cooking, washing, maintenance, general chore and work on top.

There has got to be more to life than just existing.

Sorry rambled on here but thanks for reading.

How about getting a lodger to help with the mortgage and give you more interaction? We all spend time just existing, but it won't be forever, make little changes and your emotional and mental engagement with life will change too.

What about some new hobbies op...What are you interested in?

Perhaps a pet would be nice to occupy you and provide some company and give you a focus.

Is the reason you don't want another relationship because or the divorce?

Are we here for ourselves or for what we can bring to others?
Maybe you need a mission?
m.youtube.com/watch?v=c5-LfK2i2J4

There has got to be more to life than just existing Yes, absolutely right and I think you have taken the first step towards emancipation already by coming to that realisation.
You are not alone in your situation. I think many people can relate to your situation - even married people - because there are many unhappily married folks out there. And that can be actually worse.

The UK itself can be an incredibly lonely place. What to do about it?
would you consider volunteering in your spare time? Going to church?
if you lived in the South East I could suggested other ideas.
Go the gym as well, if only to get your blood pumping and drive away moroseness.
In general though, be outward looking and try to find ways in which you can serve people. Then when you give of yourself like that, good things will natural flow in your direction. Good man! very succinct in your message. I hope all goes well with you

I'm pretty sure that what you describe is far more normal than you think. It's great that you've spotted you're in a rut as now you can make steps to change things. A thought experiment- what would a perfect day look like to you, or where would you like your 45 year-old self to be? What's their life like? If you can imagine that it might give you ideas if things you can do to change how things are now.