Verbal abuse

[Twinklestar1981]

I am feeling very desperate tonight. I I posted on here a few weeks ago about my dh being verbally abusive and got some great advice. I was hoping I could wait until my dd goes to school so I can get work and save up for a deposit but what has just happened has made me determined to leave, I am just so worried about my children and am shaking and crying.
So he had been watching football and drinking. I was putting my ds to bed and he wanted some water. We had agreed not to give him much to drink last thing at night but he is unwell so I got some for him. I was holding a glass in the kitchen when he got really annoyed about the fact I was giving him water and completely blew up at me. Calling me a fucking bitch and he has spoken to his doctor about me and his doctor had said he knows about women like me? I honestly have no idea what he is talking about but he is always calling me mental and pathetic and that I need my head tested. He was swearing and shouting so much that I was worried about my children hearing and getting upset so I stupidly said I was recording him verbally abusing me. He then went for me trying to get my phone and squeezing me really hard and manhandling me. My phone was upstairs so he followed me swearing at me to give him my phone. I told him I wasn't recording him but I wanted him to stop and it's the only thing I could think of. He disappeared with my phone and then just chucked it in the hall after he had checked it. My son was so upset, I am heartbroken for him. He just keeps saying he doesn't want us to live seperately. I feel like an awful parent. How has it got to this?

Bless you
Call women's aid for some advice

Is he ds's df?

Yes

Oh this sounds like such a desperate situation for you. Do you have support? Family/friends?
I agree calling womansaid or a helpline might give you better practical, more professional help. I'm sorry I can't give more advice but please do know that there will always be a way out, you just need to build a support network around you and your kids.

My ds spent until he was 6 living in such a home.
As an adult he has anger issues still. Despite therapy him and dil split. He is now a pt df.
Ltb now before it becomes your ds's normal, and his future.
It's your responsibility op.

This wasn't just verbal abuse, this was assault. He shouldn't be drinking in excess like this with your son in the house anyway. He needs help and you need to protect yourself and little boy. Contact Leeway and they can help and advise you on help available. Personally I would ring the police and have him removed from the house, but I understand that's a big step to take though you would be well within your rights and the police would 100% protect you now.

Thanks for the advice. I knew what I had to do but I needed to put it in writing as my head was such a mess.. He was also telling me to hit him with the glass, obviously I didn't as I am not violent. But he is trying to make out I drive him to it and I am abusive. Everything I say is taken the wrong way.
I am going to citizans advice later and will call women's aid for some advice.

I'm so glad you're taking some action OP - he sounds truly vile and abusive! :-( xx

Thank you. I just wish I had the cash to rent a place for us and go now. He won't leave, I have asked him several times.

He is working at home today like nothing has happened.

I got some advice today from citizans advice and they have put me in touch with a domestic support team. They asked if he would get the help of a mediator to separate. I have stupidly approached him about this ( I thought he was calm) and he got very angry calling a fucking bitch several times and is denying what happened last night. I can't believe this. It's so worrying that he isn't apologetic or showing any signs of feeling bad about it. I am still very tearful about it and he is blaming me entirely.

Oh dear 😔 but well done for getting help. What have they suggested if he won't go to mediation?

She said I maybe able to get legal aid. We jointly own the house but he won't leave. I just want my children to live in peace.

His behavior is very worrying. Definitely try Womens Aid on a local number if you can’t get through on the main number, and get some more advice on how to either get him out or get away. Meanwhile, put a grab bag together with important documents and essentials in case you need to run out with DS sometime, if things escalate.
Read some other threads about similar situations for more advice and ideas if it’s difficult to post.
You can definitely get rid of him, but it is likely to be stressful beforehand and you will doubt yourself a lot.
Speak to friends and family, they will most likely rally round for you.
Stay safe, and keep your little one safe. That is the number one priority.

Thinking of you OP. Womans aid have a been a great help to me, i'm still trying to get out.

Is there anywhere you could go and stay temporarily? Thinking of you :(

OP I'm so sorry he treated you like this, you must have been terrified, and your poor DS.

Do you have close friends or family who could help you out e.g. with a deposit for a rental while you get the legal side sorted to get the house sold?

He has been physical with you now and it's likely to ramp up from here.

Please don't beat yourself up about what your DS said. Children HATE change. Your current environment is your DS's "normal" but that can change. You can give him a new "normal" where everyone is kind to each other and nobody shouts insults and makes others feel bad. Both of you deserve this.

Thank you for all your posts, all the advice is very helpful.
I spoke to the dv team and they said they would call me back for a chat as you have to make an appointment. I may also call women's aid. He won't accept that we should seperate and keeps saying you are not taking my children really aggressively.