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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How much time do you guys spend with your other half?

12 replies

Wingingit19 · 24/02/2019 12:02

Hey you lovely bunch!
I’m new here, always read threads but never joined.
Anyhow, something is really bothering me and I just wanted to put it out there to see whether this is a common thing or I’m just being a tad unreasonable.
So my partner and I have lived together for just over a year now, I have 2 children from a previous relationship and he has 4 (with 2 separate partners).
So the very other weekend thing is actually quite stressful, I’m used to having 2 children in my small house and although we try to spread his weekend with his children out a little it becomes very chaotic when we have a minimum of 4 at a time. I know many of you have more than 2 children but mine are 10 and 8 and kind of got used to my little setup. Anyhow, I knew he has children before we got together, 3 of the children are really easy and laid back, one of them is by his ex wife who has been nothing less than vile to myself, my children and him and I’m having a real issue bonding with his youngest. I hope that I don’t make it obvious but I’m finding myself dreading this particular sleepover night. The child is 6, he swears, continuously makes sexual references and is absolutely NOT anything to what I nor my children have been around before. I really hope this doesn’t make me sound a snob?! Because I couldn’t be further from it!!

Anyhow, the post was originally about how much time you all spend with your partners, husbands etc.

Mine gets up, goes to work at 6am, finishes at 4 and goes to the gym, comes hones around 6pm has dinner, lays in the bath for an hour and then chills out.
Thursdays he is rugby training until 9.30pm after the gym so gets home around 10pm- I don’t see him at all Thursdays.
Every Sunday morning he takes his son (the one I have difficulty with) to rugby from 8.30am until 12 midday and will sometimes stay around for a beer with the rugby boys for an hour or so after.
He will often work on a Saturday too although this has become a little less due to there not being much work but if asked he always says yes.

I’m really feeling like I never see him or get any quality time anymore. I’ve told him how I feel and he just says ‘weekends are our time’ but seriously they’re not, we get one day every other week -if im lucky!
Not to mention he isn’t too phased about ‘bedroom time’ either.

Come on guys is this normal?
For a relationship so young im beginning to feel so neglected.
I do have my own hobbies and run my own business too so I’m very much not dependent so to speak but am feeling like I’m living a single life without the benefits of going anywhere anymore.

Thanks in advance xxx

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 24/02/2019 19:43

I'm not surprised he has children with 2 other partners but is not with them. He sounds selfish and totally in to himself. An hour in the bath every evening? Come on.
I honestly don't know what you are getting out of this relationship as it sounds like its only adding to your workload. It may just be a handy set up for him where he has someone to look after all these dc he has to look after.

CherryPavlova · 24/02/2019 19:48

It doesn’t feel like a partnership to me but I guess, in part, is the price for very complicated families with time having to be divided up. I’m not sure what joy your relationship brings you? I’d also be telling his child not to swear of make sexual comments when with me.

PositiveVibez · 24/02/2019 20:59

The child is 6, he swears, continuously makes sexual references

This is the most concerning thing I noticed in your post. What kind of sexual references could a 6 year old be aware of? And why?

poppingoff · 24/02/2019 21:12

If he works a lot of Saturdays and goes to rugby every Sunday with his DS, when is he seeing the other 3 kids? Do they go to the rugby too? Or are you watching them while he goes to work and rugby?

Grobagsforever · 24/02/2019 21:30

Do not get pregnant with this man

FuckItFriday · 24/02/2019 21:35

Absolutely do not get pregnant. It sounds really stressful and complicated. To make it all worthwhile he'd have to be the kindest, most supportive and attentive man ever!

Dh and I have been together 16 years and have 2dc so it's all quite straightforward. We spend a lot of time together just by living together but also make sure we carve out some quality time too. Films at the weekend, dinner after the boys the odd night, early nights snuggled up. Heck even cooking together midweek can be nice together time.

Merryoldgoat · 24/02/2019 22:55

He sounds unpleasant.

Ella2103 · 25/02/2019 00:44

This reply has been deleted

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Wingingit19 · 25/02/2019 06:45

Thank you all for your replies,
I think seeing the responses here alone has probably been a bit of a wake up call to what my gut feeling has been for a little while.
We do get an early night quite often watch a film (obviously once my 2 are in bed and settled) by which point I barely see half an hour into anything.
I’ve absolutely no intention of having children with him I can assure you, 6 between us is hard enough.
His ex (the mother of 6yr old) is quite a disgusting human being so I think the sexual references must have been picked up from there.
For example we had an incident on Saturday where my partner asked him to go up and brush his teeth and his reply was “suck my c**k”
I was absolutely mortified, obviously his dad took him to one side and had a very frank discussion about it but as soon as he walks off he starts laughing and it drives me insane.

This evening I’m meeting with a friend to go to a gym class, I can feel myself subconsciously starting to build a life outside of this relationship ready for it all to go wrong.

It’s such hard work and like someone above said- for little reward c

OP posts:
Arowana · 25/02/2019 07:04

OP, this just sounds horrendous.

Your kids are being exposed to a lazy, selfish step dad (who’d rather go to the gym and have a long bath every night than spend any time with his girlfriend and family) and an awful step brother, ex wife etc. And what positives are they, or you, getting from this relationship?

OP, don’t just prepare for things to go wrong. Take back control. Put yourself and your kids first. Finish it.

I can’t see your partner finishing it as he’s the one getting all the benefit!

FinallyHere · 25/02/2019 07:27

I would not share a home with this man and do not think it is fair to your DC to be trying to blend.

In fact. I would ruuunnn away as fast as the wind.

Merryoldgoat · 25/02/2019 08:07

I absolutely would not want my children in that situation. That would trump everything me and this ‘relationship’ would’ve be well and truly over before it had got to this stage.

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