He's probably married. Feel stupid

[Gullible48]

Namechanged so this isn't tied to my posting history.

I've been charmed by a man I met about 3 weeks ago. I've been single for almost 10 years and he's the first bloke that showed any interest in me. But this list (below) all points to him being married/attached doesn't it?

• Never mentioned his employers name or families names

• when asked what he's done at night, he always says "just chilled"

• Only rings from his car or in daytime and rarely texts at night or at all

• Never asked me out even for a drink. Just been to my house a lot

• Only offered to come with me to event when he knew there was no chance of me saying yes, e.g theatre on the night I was going and I only had one ticket!

• Doesnt have any social media

• Mirroring what I said I wanted when we talked, eg not sleeping with more than one person, not moving in with each other, etc

• When talking about men cheating (today) he looked amused. Like he was enjoying the irony

I feel like an idiot

Can't sleep.

I know it sounds really bad. He was very good at what he does - being charming. So it was all flattery and "can't believe a woman like you is on her own". And I was talking about how hard it is to get someone to understand that I don't want a full on relationship, didn't want a new dad for the children etc. It was general talk, not specifically about us moving in together but how I didn't want anyone moving in. Lo and behold, he said he'd been single for 4.5 years because he felt the same as me

I definitely need to work on my self esteem. Will take a look at Baggage Reclaim as I've seen it mentioned before on this forum.

You're beating yourself up here for something that's not your fault. Stop it. Hindsight is 20:20 but you can only make decisions based on the information available at the time and three weeks is not a long time to have been duped for. Cut yourself some slack.

I like the sunscreen song for this. I'm remembering the lyrics, so might get them wrong, but here goes,

'Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at forty, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever happens, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance, and so are everybody else's.'

Don't be so hard on yourself...we all like people telling us things we want to here...most of us have been there..you sussed him out..well done

OP he's a player and you are in danger of being mugged.

How do you not know his employers name if he came to quote for a job?

If you know his name and his employer’s name and you have any ability whatsoever to use google surely you can search him up? I mean I know I’d have his street address and companies house records by now, and have seen all his holiday pics on social media going back to 2005...

This sounds like a bloke I met online - very evasive about personal details (work), I didn’t know his full name, would only come to meet me at my end and made excuses when I suggested we meet at a park closer to him. I quickly ditched him as a lot didn’t make sense. He used all the flattering lines too but I suspect he was after a shag only.

I wouldn't expect to know a great deal if you have only been together 3 weeks. if his working independent and sub contracting then his company name is highly likely to be his name and he just does big contracts for other ppl. with just calling from a car he could be a single parent. he may be married but he may also be a single parent or something. ask him if he has kids and ask for an evening date

He could well be married or attached but he may well not be. Only way to find out is to suggest an evening or weekend trip out somewhere for a drink. Surely you'd know if he had kids? I'd not block someone without actually trying to resolve the issue first. (Maybe as you have kids he assumes evenings out would be complex)

maybe and livid see previous reply on why I don't know name. His company is registered in his name and the address is the local accountants. Again, not unusual. No social media presence.

I blocked him on Friday and have decided I'm definitely not ready to date atm. Need to work on myself and my self esteem first.

To be fair, I never went out looking for someone but I thought I'd met someone nice by chance so would give it a go.

Thanks for the replies.