I'm considering a sperm donor.

[TwistinMyMelon]

I'm 37. I have a good career and very good salary. I have a dd, 8, from a previous relationship. I have just bought my own house.

I had one relationship since her dad, we were together for 2 years, we lost a baby to an ectopic and I lost a tube. He turned out to be not a good man. Angry and emotionally abusive. He treated me horribly after I lost the baby.

I had a physically abusive relationship when I was 19. This last relationship was the second emotionally abusive relationship I have been in. I am from a nice middle class family. I am educated. I earn my own money. Yet I have been in 3 abusive relationships. They all started off as seemingly nice men. My experience is not uncommon amongst my friends.

I am in no rush to start another relationship with a man. I am happy, financially independent and don't think a man can add anything to my life. I like living with just my dd.

Thing is, I would like to maybe have more children. I'd like to give my dd a baby brother or sister. When I had her I was still in training for my professional career and it was hard. I feel ready now in every other way to have more children.

But I don't need or want a man.

I watched the documentary the other night on channel 5 about domestic violence and it brought back a lot of memories. The next day I heard on the radio about the man who killed his stepchild by crushing him with his car seat. The next article was about male priests abusing children.

I do not need a man for money, happiness or sex particularly. So I see no need in risking mine or my daughter's safety by bringing another man into our lives, as that's really what we do isn't it? We take a gamble every time we take a man into our homes and our beds. However I would like another child, and I am a good parent. My daughter is very happy, bright, and thriving physically as well as socially.

I am considering looking into getting pregnant by a sperm donor through a private clinic. Although the only thing that puts me off is that they can potentially have a relationship after the child is 18, and who knows what type of person they will be? The fact is at 37 and a tube down it may be my last chance...

It sounds like you've had a rough time in the past with men. I've also lost a bit of faith that there are good men out there too. I've recently come out of a 2 yr relationship with a guy who had been a sperm donor a few years back, way before knowing me. He knew he had 15 children through this although not met yet as they are under 18, I found this out after about 3 months of dating which was a bit of a shock. I too thought he was a good man who did it for the right reasons etc. He'd talked about having a family of our own together in a couple of years, he wanted to bring up his own even though he'd donated.

Then towards the end of last year I found out he'd slept with prostitutes including a gang bang behind my back on at least 4 occasions, all pre-planned and booked so not even a drunken mistake. After I found out, he turned manipulative and emotionally abusive. Of course he wanted to stay together but there was no way I could continue once I'd seen the real him. Even had the cheek to say that the way he'd make it up to me is to be a good father to our future children together! The thought of mixing my DNA with his until the end of time made me feel sick.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is be aware there's a chance the sperm donor could be that type of guy too. Although you wouldn't have to have anything to do with him for at least 18 years and I don't think the donor themselves can make contact it has to be the child who contacts the donor. He'd donated via the official way with all the pre-screening tests etc but I suppose there's no way to test for a emotionally abusive bastard unfortunately. He used to go on about how he was in the top few percent for sperm quality, shame about the personality though!

I'm 32 and don't have any kids myself but I would like to settle down and have a family with someone. I live in hope that there are a few good men out there, however I'm yet to find one too.

I did it 13 years ago and had DS2 when I was nearly 41 (DS1 was 19).

I dont for a minute regret it

@Flower32 - my experience is that most men turn out to be lie that anyway, so why not be a sperm donor? At least you know that is just what you're getting, rather than end up financial and emotionally dependent on a man like that.

My honest experience is that most women I know regardless of class, profession or background are strong emotionally independent individuals (I choose good friends), however most men I have had the pleasure to know, regardless of class, profession or background are the exact opposite.

I went out on a date recently. He was a psychiatrist. Not particularly good looking, but seemed interesting. He did 90% of the talking though. However at one point when I was speaking he said "I love that you're a bit gobby". As far as I'm aware I speak a normal amount at a normal volume. But apparently i am gobby if I get a word in edgeways.

I just can't be bothered anymore in being apologetic to men. I'd rather just not mix with them.

By the way this guy wants to see me again. Probably because I gave up at that point and didn't bother talking any more.

I totally understand your rationale....Just because you're reluctant to introduce another man doesn't make you a man hater!
Only a fool doesn't learn from experience....

Do you think dd would take to a brother or sister?

If she would and you can manage i think you should go for it!

Exciting 🍼

Yeah also ditch that one, sound like a right bell end 😂

*he sounds

People who hold your views do exist but are unlikely to respond on forums such as these for fear of being slated.

I agree that it's selfish to intentionally have a child who will never know their father.

I don't like the idea of sperm donation and don't feel women should consider it a right to have a baby.

It is very sad for women who desperately want children and cannot have them but I also feel for children who are adopted out and who sometimes, in spite of having lovely adoptive parents, have a desperate need to meet their biological parents. Doesn't having a baby by sperm donation mean the child would be denied the opportunity of ever knowing their father?

Completely agree personally I don’t agree with sperm or egg donation. I think a child has a right to a biological link to their heritage. I also think there will be a generation of children who have zero connections to where they come from.

I also think there will be a generation of children who have zero connections to where they come from.

I see what you mean, although I think egg donors are a bit different. As the recipient, you actually carry the baby and it's very much a part of you. Sperm donors don't have that connection to the baby.

The numbers of egg/sperm donors are going up, but I still think most children are conceived in the natural way and will continue to be.

What I don’t understand about the argument against sperm donation route is that the thought and angst that goes into the decision is huge. And it’s not just the baby bit. It’s how to handle the whole life of the child.
How many feckless cunts don’t bother with anything like that level of thought. Oh but that’s ok because they have a real flesh dad to make up for any real thought about their life!👍🏿

Travis: absolutely.

Studies have shown that children of single parents BY CHOICE are equally as happy as those with parents in happy relationships, and happier than those of split parents or unhappily married parents.

People do what they can with their circumstances, and to be a single parent by choice requires more planning and thought and soul searching than most people could imagine.

I don't think anyone is saying that a child won't be loved or feel happy in childhood. But it is a big thing to deny someone the knowledge of who they are and so there are valid arguments to say that perhaps it's unfair to do so.

Firstly, there are good men, and I hope one day you will find one who will treat you right. That doesn't mean you need to rush in to searching for him.

Secondly, MILLIONS of children are raised with dead beat dads (or/and mums) and with the right care and other role models in their lives, they do just fine.

There is the chance your child would want to meet their biological father one day, if that was the case, you would also have had 19 years of mentally preparing for that possibility, and it would probably seem much less daunting at the time.

Having another child with your ex isn't an awful suggestion either. If he isn't in another relationship, he may feel the same way as you.

Also, "deny someone the knowledge of who they are" - your biological parents do not make you who you are.