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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A new hairstyle, painted nails and a new outfit with absolutely nowhere to go now! :(

30 replies

TeaCakesRus · 22/02/2019 17:34

I posted a little while ago - I'm not quite myself and have zero emotion. However, today I feel (I'm not actually sure) let down so I'm guessing I have that kind of emotion. I guess it's made me feel more alone and less connected to anyone (apart from my dc's). I don't have close friends but I do have a couple of friends I keep in contact with (uni friend and my dd's friends mum) via text and get together for a cuppa, probably once every 3 months. I arranged with my one friend back in Jan to go out tomorrow to watch the rugby. I have not been feeling great and for a while and I have been trying to lift my mood. One thing I need to do is try to connect more with people. So that's when I planned this. Messaged my friend last weekend to double check and all was still on. I arranged childcare and my shifts at work. Had my hair done and nails today. Even went and bought a new top. Today at 3pm she cancelled. She said she is poorly. I completely understand and wished her well. However, I just feel so disappointed. I can not do anymore than I have been doing to try to connect or make friends. I messaged my other friend to see if she has plans and if she fancied going out. She messaged back saying yes she did. Which again is fine. I am probably just feeling sorry for myself but I have felt lonely for a very long time. I went to buy myself some flowers and potted some plants in the garden to try to cheer myself up. I try and act like I'm ok - when I really am not.

OP posts:
reetgood · 22/02/2019 17:39

I feel you on being unreasonably disappointed. I would be sad too. However, reframing this, you just took some action to try and save the night! Would your other friend be the kind of friend that you could tag along?

Alienspaceship · 22/02/2019 17:41

That’s so disappointing when you’ve put so much effort in. If there’s no one else to call, would you consider going to the cinema by yourself? Don’t waste your hair and nails Smile

Supergrassyknoll · 22/02/2019 17:42

Oh dear, I'm so sorry about this for you, it's happened to me and it's SO disappointing. Do you have a nice local pub you could pop and have a glass of wine in? You might get chatting to some locals...I get not everyone would be comfortable doing this but I have in the past and have made friends. Alternatively a nice takeout and film and pamper yourself while you're at it. Thanks

Surfingtheweb · 22/02/2019 17:43

Join the meetup app. There are loads of events for the rugby tomorrow & you will get to make lots of new friends.

Original poster
TeaCakesRus · 22/02/2019 18:00

Thankyou everyone. It means alot.
My friend (who has plans) said I have plans but have fun. I messaged back and said, I meant just me and her and wasn't going alone. Again she messaged back saying that's a shame, sorry I have plans, maybe another time. I always try to use my evenings off pampering myself or doing something nice with my dc's. However really really needed this. I can't explain how much. I don't see many people and life is busy making sure my dc's are happy. I will try to pamper myself though. I wish I could go somewhere alone but live in a village with 2 pubs and everyone knows everyone, kinda quiet too. A big city, I guess it would go unnoticed a lady drinking alone. Thankyou though. I joined meetup a year ago, again there is nothing local going on. I live out in the sticks haha.
I even posted on my Facebook a week before valentines day asking if there were any single ladies wanting to meet up for a few drinks and a matter. Nobody responded. It takes alot to put yourself out there like that. Last week I posted that I would like to start an activity, for example power walking and would anyone be interested. Again nobody responded. I'm seriously not a crazy person, or someone difficult to talk to. Im not a constant poster on social media. I found it difficult to put myself in that position. I always tell people we shouldn't be ashamed of being lonely however, its hard to admit it out loud myself. I love good company and always there to chat to anyone who is in need of company. I work in mental health and we always promote 'reaching out' and 'talking'. I'm not sure how else to make friends.

OP posts:
Gershwin · 22/02/2019 18:31

Which area of the country are you?

Original poster
TeaCakesRus · 22/02/2019 18:34

South Wales - UK

OP posts:
Surfingtheweb · 22/02/2019 18:36

Oh I'm sorry. I know it's really hard, I used to live in the middle of nowhere with 2 small children, it was very very lonely.x

Original poster
TeaCakesRus · 22/02/2019 18:45

Thankyou. I have had a few tears. Poured myself a glass of red. I will be ok monday morning :)
I'm just really struggling to get myself a much needed social life.

OP posts:
GinLemonade · 22/02/2019 20:03

I feel you on this. I too feel exactly the same with no friends to meet and no where to go! I moved away from my friends and family to be with my partner and I am now very lonely - I try to meet up with a friend from work every so often but she is always busy too! I don't play any sports or have any hobbies and no children so it's not like I can meet people from there or be friends with any school mums!! 😞 my partner doesn't understand how I am feeling, he always tells me to 'just find a hobby' and that it's not his fault I'm lonely! (Whilst he has loads of friends at work/plays sports 3 times a week, and goes to the gym) .. here if you ever need to chat!

Original poster
TeaCakesRus · 22/02/2019 21:16

Thankyou GinLemonade that means alot. Same here!

OP posts:
bunhead34 · 22/02/2019 21:43

Bumble (the dating app) have a bff feature for meeting friends in the local area, it might be worth a look to see if there is anyone in your area in the same boat?
I know that lonely feeling (I'm very introverted and find it hard to make friends), hope you are okay x

HawkingEmma · 22/02/2019 21:54

I would strongly suggest you download the Meetup app, it isn’t a dating app it’s a social group app essentially. You’ll find LOTS of social groups within the app that are local for you to join. You can search for the things that interest you, exercise groups or for mum groups to meet other mums in your local area. My local area has so many different groups ranging from travel groups, groups that go for lunch/dinner regularly (you can be as active or as inactive as you like, too), cinema trips, groups that meet up twice a month to play board games, single ladies groups, groups that do day trips further afield etc
Try not to be too discouraged, life won’t always feel so lonely. You’ll meet some wonderful people who value you as a friend. Take care of yourself and well done for taking steps to change your situation/mood!

KennyCalmIt · 23/02/2019 00:50

Read the thread people, she’d already tried the meetup app.

I feel for you OP. I’m similar. If I lived near wales I would’ve joined you for wine even though I hate the stuff Grin

Did you have a pamper evening in the end?

Surfingtheweb · 23/02/2019 01:16

@TeaCakesRus have you tried creating a group on the meet-up app? I've just been to my 2nd meet up, the lady that runs the group said that when she started it nearly 5 years ago it was just her & 1 other, she has kept at it & now has a lovely group of people with new people like me & 3 others that came along tonight. It might not work but there might be other people local to you looking on there & thinking there is nothing in your area, nothing ventured nothing gained & all that.

Ohwhatsoccuring · 23/02/2019 09:48

Hey, I know exactly how you feel, it is so hard to get out on your own.

If you are anywhere near Swansea then me and a couple of friends are going to watch the match in a pub.
You are quite welcome to join us, pm me if you fancy it.

Original poster
TeaCakesRus · 23/02/2019 11:21

Thankyou everyone. I didn't have a pamper evening. I didn't feel great so had an early night after watching a movie with my dc's.
I will look at the meetup again. That could be an idea to start a group once I'm feeling a little more motivated. I feel I have been trying to make and for months. It's so disheartening. I will look at bumble too. Thankyou KennyCalmIt that's kind -Ohwhatsoccuring I felt quite emotional reading your message, that is so kind. Unfortunately I'm 1.5 hours away. Thankyou so much, have fun.
Thankyou everyone. I have been pottering in the garden since 8am. Off to buy some plants. I will watch the game at home today. I hope you all have a great day.

OP posts:
MumUnderTheMoon · 23/02/2019 11:38

Just go out yourself. I know it's not the same but you never know who you might get chatting to.

miamiibiza · 23/02/2019 11:50

How old are your children OP?
We live in South Wales too, we've just moved here actually. Always up for meeting new friends or arranging a play date

Original poster
TeaCakesRus · 23/02/2019 17:03

I'm home watching it now. My dc's are 11 and 13 and out at their friends houses now as that was planned a while back. I couldn't possibly go out alone in my small town. How old are your dc's miamiibiza?

OP posts:
emilybrontescorsett · 23/02/2019 17:09

Does your local council organise any walking meet ups?
I know mine does because I have been with my mum, more in an attempt to get her to go out more and meet people.

frenchonion · 23/02/2019 17:17

Oi oi. Where are you in s. Wales? I'm at a loose end. I look a mess but I could do a pint of you're near?

frenchonion · 23/02/2019 17:17

I'm not too weird 😁

Original poster
TeaCakesRus · 23/02/2019 18:26

I have joined something on Facebook - a walking group.
I'm near the seven bridge. The match is almost over. WALES are winning!

OP posts:
Ohwhatsoccuring · 23/02/2019 18:54

We wonnnnn, what a match

I am in your situation and know how difficult it is.

Good luck OP x