Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to make myself fall out of love..

17 replies

Breakup112 · 22/02/2019 14:59

Basically the trust has gone. I’m heartbroken. I know I will never get the trust back and will love a anxiety driven life.

I have thought of some of the practical things to sort but emotionally I still love him. He’s the father of my child and it’s breakong my heart. How do I deal with these emotions and fall out of love.

OP posts:
Original poster
Breakup112 · 22/02/2019 14:59

*live not love

OP posts:
Porridgeprincess · 22/02/2019 15:04

How long has it been since this all came about ? Time can do a lot as you rebuild yourself. And then hopefully a day comes you can see him for what he really is

Original poster
Breakup112 · 22/02/2019 15:17

The last couple of weeks. Haven’t had the break up chat yet but not getting on at all and trust has recently gone

OP posts:
Original poster
Breakup112 · 22/02/2019 15:18

It’s so hard because I am so upset and just want some comfort. He would be the source of that but I can’t, I just can’t

OP posts:
Wellit · 22/02/2019 15:22

The songs words spring to mind - if you're user him you ain't getting over him (or something like that!) the best way I get over someone is to get under someone else.

lifegoes · 22/02/2019 15:38

Has he cheated on you? Is that why the trust has gone?

Is there no way back?

Time is the only healer, at the moment you are broken and (if he cheated) he broke you. As hard as it is, you need to keep reminding yourself of that.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 22/02/2019 15:40

You can't fall out of love with someone just like that and there's no point trying, it's like pissing into the wind. All you can do is accept the way you feel, accept you still love him right now, but know the reasons you can't be with him. Once you make a clean break the hurt will gradually lessen and one day...bingo......indifference.

You feel how you feel, as long as you don't let it affect your rational decisions then there's nothing wrong with that.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/02/2019 15:44

Is there any one in real life you can confide in?
A problem shared, and all that.
Keeping it bottled up is very unhealthy and won't help you.
Time is what it takes.
A lot of time.
Be kind to yourself.
Stay strong for your DC.

Original poster
Breakup112 · 22/02/2019 16:25

Yes unfaithful emotionally. I don’t know where to start. He’s not dealing with the fall out well and being defensive and frustrated which should make it easier but it doesn’t. He will just go through the motions and hope it passes but it eon’t I can’t forgive

OP posts:
lifegoes · 22/02/2019 16:56

Sounds awful @Breakup112 he'll not want to accept that it's over or that he's to blame (maybe).

But as said below, you need people around you. Keep you company and to talk to. Try a bit of NC with him for a bit I know it's hard with DC But maybe a family member could help and arrange his time directly with them

Original poster
Breakup112 · 22/02/2019 19:25

I know I will upset him when I say I know I won’t get over this and we won’t get through it. Ruined our lives and the upheaval is horrible

OP posts:
Original poster
Breakup112 · 22/02/2019 19:26

There is parts of me that wants to be able to get over it but I know it will eat me up inside

OP posts:
PhilC195 · 22/02/2019 22:19

This is me, but from the other side, the husband. All trust in my wife has gone after she repeatedly lied to me. She emotionally cheated.

I love her, but I actually don't like her anymore, god knows I have been trying to trust and like.

I want to leave, but it's difficult and it will break my boys hearts.

I've made my excuses and come to bed, as I just don't want to be near her.

Original poster
Breakup112 · 22/02/2019 22:24

I feel the same. I cannot see I will be able to recover and love him as the father of our child but his has seriously let me down. I want to wave a wand and be separated but can’t. I don’t think he thinks we will serpreatr which is infuriating as just presumes I will continue even thought he knows he has massively hurt me. It’s grim

OP posts:
PhilC195 · 23/02/2019 11:56

I know what you mean about presuming. My wife thinks everything is ok and we have talked it through and she has promised it won't happen again.

The problem I have is, I can't just draw a line under it as quickly as her (if ever), as I am convinced in a moment of madness (as she calls it), it will happen again.

She is so secretive with her phone it's unhealthy, so to be honest, I don't think it will change. I just need to fully decide my next move.

Original poster
Breakup112 · 23/02/2019 12:40

I feel like you could be writing exactly how I feel and your wife sounds similar to my DH. It’s not easy but i’m just giving it time. We’re effectively living separate lives under one roof. I am finishing it arrogant if him he thinks it can just go back to how it was.

OP posts:
lifegoes · 23/02/2019 13:42

Only you both can change things.

Sitting waiting for something to change or happen isn't going to work.

Harsh as it sounds, you are both allowing them to treat you like this. So they will continue. There is no consequence to their actions.

"If you make yourself into a doormat, people will continue to wipe their feet on you"

New posts on this thread. Refresh page