Spoke to DH about his erectile dysfunction

[CheckMatte]

Been with DH 9 years, 2 children.
Sex has always been hit and miss but the intimacy is there 100%.
We always manage to have sex with its hard for DH to maintain an erection.
He's never ever spoke about it and I just thought I would mention it.
He denied he had it and shrugged it off but I could tell it upset him.
I feel really bad.
Any advice?

From a guy's perspective - lots of love an reassurance is needed. Why did you bring it up now and not until now? what are you trying to achieve?

Well it had to be spoken about eventually, but I’m amazed that in 9 years it never came up in in conversation before!!

Anyway he will be feeling embarrassed and upset now but that’s not your fault. Reassure him that you brought it up because you want to help him and you love him. It’s an issue that needs both people in the relationship to tackle together.

@TheOneIssue I'm suppose I want him to tackle the issue, he's late 20s so I know it's better to deal with it earlier rather than later.
Obviously told him it doesn't affect us in anyway and reassured him lots.

But it was just his reaction, he doesn't think he has erectile dysfunction and I don't want to keep going on about it especially now he's shrugged it off.

Mentioning it again wouldn't be going on about it. Why doesn't he think he has it, did you ask that?

I really don't know why he doesn't think he has it, he's only had me as a sexual partner. I've had 3 partners before meeting him and It's obvious he does has erectile dysfunction.
Also I feel it's a bit demeaning for him maybe so instead of saying il go to the doctors he's just brushed it off.

I'm not sure what I'd advise, but it is an important thing for him to go to the doctor about, as it can be due to hormonal or cardiovascular issues that could be dangerous long-term.

In your position I think I'd approach it purely from that angle instead of a sexual one.

But there are a lot of people who prioritise their emotional discomfort with a health issue over their own safety, unfortunately, and there's a limit to how much anyone else can do to convince them to do otherwise.

Other than this issue are there any other potential health issue that may need to be address by a doctor. I know in my case I was an undiagnosed diabetic for over a year and a half which played havoc on my health. So, I'm dealing with ED and the meds for the Type 2 Diabetes aren't helping the situation either. So, maybe, from a health stand point, suggest a full on physical with blood work, just to make sure everything is in proper working order.

Yes I need to approach the subject again.
He doesn't have a high sex drive either so I don't want to put him off sexually either.
Such a hard topic

CheckMatte wrote -
"Yes I need to approach the subject again.
He doesn't have a high sex drive either so I don't want to put him off sexually either.
Such a hard topic"

Badum, tish! 🤗

This can be a sign of heart problems that need addressing.

If he is feeling upset at the mere mention of this, then you sweeping it right back under the rug is not going to help either; that's just reinforcing the idea that it's something to be ashamed about. In the long run it would be far more helpful to him to have this brought out into the open. Firstly it will take away some of the stigma and make it less scary, and secondly he might actually be able to get the problem treated. Both of those things are far better alternatives than continuing to be ashamed and never getting it checked out. I'd point out some of that - think up a nice speech - and make it clear that your comments are because you love him and want what's best for him.