DH called me a bitch

[user1498912461]

DH and I have been married for 9 years and have 2 ds’s. Ds (2) was crying yesterday and fighting his nap. I was upstairs cleaning the bathroom/kids bedrooms. DH shouted upstairs that I had to come down to help him. I told him I was i the middle of cleaning (the house is a bomb site) and he would have to manage. We ended up having a huge row, who works the hardest etc. He called me a “stupid woman”, I told him to @&£! Off and I could hear him calling me a bitch as he walked away. At this point I am questioning whether we should remain together at all. I would like us to have relationship counciling but he refuses to go. We are both under a lot of stress in other parts of our lives. He did apologise afterwards but I am unsure what to do next.

I call my husband similar when I am angry.... I don't mean it, regret it, apologise. Red mist.

You need to sit and have a calm chat about the reason why he doesn't want Relationship Counselling.

However, I would probably of at least gone downstairs to see what was happening if my DH shouted to me that he needed my help.

Also, can"t see why you would be surprised at his mutterings considering you'd told him where to go.

You could have swapped jobs and asked him to clean while you looked after DS as DH was struggling.

You're both stressed, probably both work extremely hard and you need to pull together and not let life pull you apart.

To be fair, didn't you swear at him first?

Look, swearing at eachother isn't normal. What did he need you to help with.

If you have issues in your relationship, you need to work on those.

But I don't think calling you a bitch is any worse than you swearing at him.

Really bad behaviour from both of you. Neither of your actions should positive. Let’s assume he needed help and you had no reason not to assume this when he asked. Cleaning can wait, you go to help someone struggling with a child. Why didn’t you ? This is what started the fight.

Then you argued and started in on each other. Both as bad as each other from the sounds of it.

Yep you both need to do something to help you deal with your emotions and behaviour because you aren’t at the moment. If he doesn’t want to do it, you can do it yourself. Arguments take 2 people and if one of your has the emotional intelligence to call a halt before it escalates to insults then it won’t.

Fighting and throwing insults at each other hasn’t resolved anything and you both feel bad. That is why most people don’t do it. They find ways to stop the escalation long before name calling and shouting.

I would have replied "that's Miss Bitch to you honey"

At this point I am questioning whether we should remain together at all.
I presume that's not based on this incident alone?

Um you swore first. Neither coated in glory in that exchange. If it was a frequent thing etc then I’d worry but calling you a bitch as he walks off under his breath after you’ve just told him to F off is kind of tit for tat

My DH and I row all the time - we work together in our business and have a lot of stress, worry and pressure.

Its normal for us to have intense and very ugly rows and then be OK an hour or so later and be the best of mates again. In general I would say we have a happy marriage.

When we row I genuinely feel like I hate his guts but its fleeting and passes quickly.

Most people on MN would be saying LTB and how shocking and "not normal" our marriage it. But its NORMAL TO US.

Your row with your husband seems quite a normal thing to me, but if you don't think you could live with it being a frequent thing you need to talk about it with him.

At this point I am questioning whether we should remain together at all.
What's the world coming to guys? You had a heated row with your DH and the next thing is you're questioning the relationship? Look, both of you behaved badly. You have admitted already how stressed you both are lately. However, you somehow seem to feel that you came off worse from this fight. That he apologised does not appear to mean much to you. This could be an indication of bitterness and anger on your part. Perhaps you feel he crossed the line.
You need to reset things and renew your relationship as this tit-for-tat approach is not going to work. Your communication has become toxic. Find books on marital relationships and begin to work towards change yourself.