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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The father of my kids need his mum permisssion to get back together

14 replies

Suolove · 21/02/2019 06:14

Hi everyone. Been with my boyfriend for almost 5yrs we have a son together 2yrs expecting another in May, my boyfriend wasn't working from 2017 until 2018 because of documents he stayed at home looking after our son while I worked after sometime he started cheating on me taking my son out to see is girlfriend when am at work after sometimes past I confronted he said sorry he was stressed coz he's not working and he couldn't talk to me but talk to girls outside and he apologised I accepted after sometime he started going to party with the girl again from Friday to Sunday sometimes he will say he is going to church on Sunday before he will come is Tuesday so from there anytime he comes I asked him to go back to where he is coming from .

He later saw that as an excuse that I don't want him so he packed his stuff and left and moved in with the same girl after some time past I begged he to come home which he but was still seeing the same girl so I couldn't cope will fight and argue all the time he left again I still begged him to come 2018 January so march last year I travelled to Africa we were talking being happy all of a sudden a week b4 my coming back he stopped taking my calls when I got to the airport he wasn't there called no answer on getting home everywhere was empty all his stuff are gone I immediately called him he said staying in this house he didn't find progress that he actually seen good women outside I was confuse couldn't can't even look after our son properly so I started to begg him again sending him video of me and our son crying

After a month he came back home saying he doesn't know what is wrong with him that he wants his family back I accepted him . Semptemer last year again found out I was pregnant told him he freaked out start texting girls asking me to go for an abortion I refuse I ask him y he is texting girls again he said. He couldn't cope with the news then I ask him what he wants he said abortion I said fine it looks like we can't ever be together told him to find himself somewhere to live so we know if this is what he wants he left to rent a room 5mins from me he didn't bother to come ask of me and our son and pregnancy I went to where he lives he didn't bother to answer when I told i was outside
October the same last yr he came to visit so we reconcile we talked he slept at mine the next morning he was texting girls again I asked him he said I should give him time that this the same girl was the one keeping his company all this while we not in good terms I stayed quiet he left so I found the girl on Facebook told her we expectin another baby she should stay away she called me immediately saying she doesn't want anything to do with my boyfriend she was the one that kick him out so she went on to call my boyfriend so my boyfriend refused to come home since then till this

2019 he came back again last week 12am ringing my bell say he miss me I think he only came back because he heard I'm moving to London he said he want to go with me but I should give him time to sort himself out and speak to his mum and family because his family doesn't want him to be with me then I said ok he should sort himself out b4 may when baby is due and we live together he said I'm putting pressure pls help am so confused should I just let him go am so scared who will want me with 2kids and stretch marks after 2kids and I don't have any family here to support me plus I still love him pls advice me correctly thanks no insult please

OP posts:
GertrudeCB · 21/02/2019 06:18

Why the hell would you want him back ?!?!

MakeItAmazing · 21/02/2019 06:30

Why are you even thinking that you need a man? You certainly don't need the sperm donor guy. Get the hell away. He's treating you like a mug. Decent men don't go and fuck other women when they've had news they don't like.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 21/02/2019 06:36

He’s an awful man. Your poor children will be traumatised by being dragged around to see other women. He’s no going to change.

Please don’t take him back. Think of your children. They need stability, and he’s not stable. He walks in and out of their lives with no care for anyone.

You deserve so much better than this. He cannot be the man you want him to be.

Dirtybadger · 21/02/2019 06:43

Why do you want him? He will never change. Your kids will learn that if you're a man you can have as many girlfriends as you like, because mummy doesn't mind. That's toxic as little girls or boys.

You have a lot to respect yourself for. You have to try to.

Plus, it just isn't fair on the kids to have dad waltzing in and out of their lives. He has done that for the majority of your relationship. It is who he is and will always be. Sorry.

JenniferJareau · 21/02/2019 06:52

Why the hell would you want him back ?!?!

This ^^ He's a grade a shit the way he has acted and treated you. That's not normal in a loving relationship.

LovingLola · 21/02/2019 06:54

Dump him.

Blooto · 21/02/2019 07:00

If you've not done so already if I were you I'd get tested for STDs.

thefirst48 · 21/02/2019 07:09

That was a hard read! Where is your self respect?

AlwaysCheddar · 21/02/2019 07:10

Dump him! He’s a loser and a cheat.

Lovethetimeyouhave · 21/02/2019 07:10

You don't need this "man" back. He is taking the fact you love him and using it to his advantage. Picking you up and dropping you when it suits him. Messaging and going with other women shows zero respect or love for you, and then.. to take the child too! That is despicable! You can do better than him. He is not the one for you, he will never make you happy.

YequeTuZainti · 21/02/2019 07:29

His mum really isn't the problem here. If he was an otherwise decent man, then bring under the thumb of his mum would show he just didn't have the maturity for a grownup relationship yet. However, this guy is a total waste of oxygen who you should really just remove from your life. Don't look back. Get some self respect and choose better in future.

LemonTT · 21/02/2019 07:56

Surely his mum is the only one seeing sense here. He shouldn’t be with you and you shouldn’t be with him. You are a toxic disaster as a couple. Fine if you no have kids and decide that and all the drama is what you want. But you do have children and this nonsense will put their well-being at jeopardy.

Stop it now and just co parent without the drama of this failed love affair. Love your children more and give them stability.

Maelstrop · 21/02/2019 14:07

Stop chasing him, it’s clear he doesn’t want to settle with you.

Suolove · 22/02/2019 01:55

Thanks everyone for your reply have been talking to him for the past few days now he doesn't sound remorseful or concern about me he thinks am vulnerable and he can come back to my life anytime he want he said he is coming on Saturday pls how do i make it sound really clear and serious that I don't want him back anymore thanks.

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