Married 6 Months and I think it’s ending.

[ClusterFukt]

Together for years, married only 6 months and I’ve poured my heart out to DH today all the things I’ve already said and been trying to say for what feels like forever.
I kept papering over the cracks and telling myself it will be ok, when this or that stressful event passes we’ll be ok but I think I’ve finally accepted that it won’t be.
I’ll always carry the mental and financial load I’ll always have to fix and sort things and when they go wrong, always the one being responsible and being an adult.
There were glimpses of the man I fell in love with over the years and I kept clinging on to that but I’ve been deluding myself.
I’m heading for a mental break down and I can’t carry the load anymore. I can’t be married to a man-child anymore.
He just looked and me sadly and said “I’m sorry I’ve made you feel like this (again) I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
That’s it. That’s it! I’m done.

Sounds like you've made the right decision.

Do you have children together?

2 DC’s they’ll be devastated but hopefully happier in the long run. Don’t know when we’ll tell them, haven’t actually spelled it out properly to DH yet.

He sounds like he doesn't really know what to say that could fix the problem, and maybe he knows it's beyond repair so he just doesn't know how to fight for it anymore.

What were you hoping his reaction would be?

Would you be willing to try marriage counselling at all? It sounds like he may possibly want to try to work things through? I think I would be thinking that with some work and support things might be able to be recovered? After only six months surely it’s worth a try. Good luck whatever you decide and sorry this has happened xxxx

He never knows what to say, he’s emotionally quite stunted but has always been a sweet, gentle type of man but increasingly needs directing and coasts by half arsing everything and doing the bare minimum in all aspects of his life. It’s my fault really, he is who he is and is loveable and kind to me but also lazy, unfocused, undriven and unambitious. We met very young and I was swept away by his kindness and kept expecting him to mature and become responsible but it just hasn’t happened. There’s glimpses now and then of the adult him but he can’t maintain it and I can’t keep waiting.
I sound awful I know. He is a lovely person but I made the mistake of hoping and waiting for him to grow up but he is and always will be a child.

Why the hell did you get married six months ago if that’s how you feel?

Not sure about the counselling, I’ll think about it tomorrow when I’ve calmed down a bit. I just feel like I’ve tried and he’s just not really bothered either way so I keep thinking what’s the point?
He says he loves me but I just feel like he can’t be arsed to show it or doing anything else for that matter.

Stepstepmother
Can you just draw your own conclusions from what I’ve said please, I’m really not in the mood for justifying myself right now.

Sounds very much like the husband of a close friend. She elected to stay together but she did force him to start becoming more independent. He is now capable of things like working out how to buy train tickets online, get on a train/coach on his own, cook some food (although I wouldn't want him to cook me a meal...)

He's an absolutely lovely bloke, incredibly generous and kind. But he will never be a fully functioning adult.

They've remained intentionally child free. I think if she'd wanted kids she'd probably have left.

Can you just draw your own conclusions from what I’ve said please, I’m really not in the mood for justifying myself right now.

You are part of your relationship dynamic too and if you’re not willing to acknowledge your contribution to the dynamic, then no, things will likely never change.

I'd take loveable, kind and gentle over focused, ambitious and driven every time.

A marriage ceremony is a promise and public declaration. Not a magic spell to turn someone into a different person
I don't think you are being fair. .

It sounds like someone said above that he just doesn't know what to do to make y ok happy and actually it makes me sad for both of you. I would think that his personality, him being a lovely person, outweighs him failing at everyday things. I am rubbish at nearly everything I do and if dh does it it works straight away or happens straight away and it used to upset me that I didn't even have one thing I could say I was good at doing, that I had to work at everything and even then it'd turn out average, but dh always stood by me and said who gives a shit when you have the personality you have, you're worth a million of someone who is top of their job or who cooks a gourmet dinner. The thing is though if this is your bug bear ( for want of a much larger word) and you're both coming out of this feeling shit about yourselves, then maybe this is it because he deserves someone who appreciated him as you do. Saying that, you did say you think this is a breakdown and so you won't be at your most rational either. Maybe bear that in mind and for you both