Can we have a thread that talks about sibling violence being the norm when growing up, and how it affects your relationships with family and siblings now?
I have 2 older brothers. One is a step brother, but my mum married his dad when I was 4 and he lived with us full time, so to me he is my brother. His mum had MH issues and had abused and neglected him before he was removed aged 4 and placed with his dad (my stepdad). she did go on to have more children with other people and DB1 (as I'll call him) had a lot of ongoing issues himself, understandably. As a result he lashed out a lot - at the time my parents pegged this as 'naughty' but looking back it's actually a very reasonable reaction considering what he'd been through with his mum. He was and still is extremely intelligent too (this is relevant).
DB2 is my biological brother. Less intelligent and a very foul temper. He started most of the violence in our house and seemed to have no boundaries to it. It lasted the whole time he lived at home, so until I was 16. He would punch, kick, scratch, and barely a day went by where he didn't throw things. He was and still is built like a brick shit house so it always hurt.
Violence between us all and fighting was very much the norm. Love and affection wasn't encouraged - our parents mostly wanted us out their sight and if that meant fighting with each other then so be it. We went to hospital numerous times from inflicted injuries on each other (mostly the boys TBF I wasn't usually the victim and was never strong enough to be the perpetrator). This was the 80s, if it was now a safeguarding referral would have been made several times! I remember going to friends houses and finding it strange that they were nice to their siblings and cuddled them!
DB2 was also a thief and a compulsive liar. If anything of mine went missing it's because he'd sold it to a friend. He denied this of course, despite me actually seeing his friends with my Walkman etc!! Mum never cared that my things were taken and mostly didn't believe me. Once we were at my grandparents, they used to collect money door-to-door for the local hospice so would have around £300 in the house ready to be dropped off at the charity at any one time. £90 went missing from the hospice tin one day, we both denied taking it. A few days later on my 14th birthday grandparents took me to a retail park to get a games console, and the day was ruined because coincidentally we spotted DB2 (then 15) strolling out a shop with 4 games worth £90 exactly. We had to go home because of the ensuing kick off and I never got my present! You knew he was lying because his lips were moving - the petty theft and lies continued into early adulthood and, when briefly living with my grandparents, he sold their hi-fi and pinched money out my nan's purse.
The thing is that DB1 was ALWAYS blamed for DB's 1 stealing, lying and violence. My parents were convinced that DB2 was led astray by the 'naughty' and smart DB1 who "preyed on"slightly thick DB2. There was never any accounting for DB1's behaviour being a result of abuse and abandonment by his mum, he was a naughty child, the end.
Now, we are all in our late 30s. DB1 and I are very close, as are our children. We live in different cities but see each other as often as we can. He had a bit of a tear away spell in his early 20s, taking drugs etc, but was arrested for possessing cocaine and that prompted him to straighten himself out. He's been clean for 15 years, has a great job and and has full custody of his little girl, he's a fantastic dad.
DB2 still lies through his teeth. He tried to worm his way out of looking after his young DS on his weekend, so he could go and shag a woman. He wormed his way out by telling his ex our grandad had died. He hadn't. I only knew about the lie when she sent me a message on social media offering her condolences. I crapped myself!! I posted on AIBU at the time, but on calling my (very much alive) grandad realised it wasn't true 
my mum laughed it off and said DB2's ex "should look after her child then when she's needed" and won't have that DB2 is anything but a sweet kind cuddly bear. Mum lives abroad and he allegedly booked flights to see her. On the day his flight was inexplicably cancelled when he got to the airport and he went home. As I was suspicious I checked - there was a flight going out that day but it wasn't cancelled. He either slept in or never even booked it. Mum doesn't believe me though, the website must be wrong because her little boy wouldn't lie to her 🙄 every conversation we have involves her fawning over what a lovely person DB2 is
He's also still a violent fucker. When he lived with one GF nearby she rang me upset and asking me to go round. He tried to shave his head and hadn't done a good job so started chucking things round the house. Another time, when he was still with his wife, I put old pictures of us as children on Facebook and tagged him in them. They are typical cringey 80's pictures of bowl haircuts and shell suits - no more embarrassing than anyone else's old pictures, no nudity etc. His wife called saying he was going mental and chucking things around because of this, and I had to take them down. I untagged him but said I'm not being bullied by an adult baby into taking them down. If he wasn't happy about being tagged in them fair enough, but a normal person should call and discuss this like an adult!
My mum still bangs on about DB1 and his "druggie habit" but ignores the fact DB2 used to go back to his wife high on ketamine and LSD. It's different apparently because DB2 "isn't very bright so is easily led but DB1 is clever and should know better" 🙄
Sorry for waffling on, I'm getting to my point - as a mother of a son and daughter I find that it's really important to me that we encourage love between them. They obviously don't have to be affectionate if they don't want to be but they must always be nice, and I'm very quick when one of them pushes or hurts the other. I really don't want them growing up with the violence I did, and I have to make sure I don't assign blame if one hits the other - ie "well you did take his toy off him" etc. I think it's affected me more than I realise and I worry every time one of my kids (they are 2 and 5 BTW) pushes or clobbers the other 
they have a huge amount of love for each other too though, I hope this doesn't ever change