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Original poster

How to meet men without having to do internet/app dating?!

21 replies

user2348 · 20/02/2019 14:44

Hello,
I recently split up with a guy who wasn't treating me right - probably gave him too many chances because I met him on holiday, was about to turn 40 and absolutely fed up of over a decade of internet/app dating...!
But now I'm back and have downloaded the usual - tinder, and bumble, for starters - and already it's really getting me down.
Please can I have some advice on where I could meet men offline, as I'm so tired of internet dating and feeling disappointed - and any stories of meeting men through apps over 40 are welcome too - I know it must happen......!
Thank you.

OP posts:
bookmum08 · 20/02/2019 14:52

Go to meetup.com and find an activity/club you like the look of. Obviously go for one that is likely to actually have blokes there.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 20/02/2019 14:54

Check out some nice pubs!! Met my dh at 41 in a wine bar!!

Alison100199 · 20/02/2019 14:57

As I'm sure you know apps are a numbers game. I've been with DP six months and we met on Tinder. I'm mid 40s and have had several lovely relationships with men I've met online. But I'm in London which might make a difference, plus I look 35 with a size 8 body (I'm not suggesting you are not by the way), plus I don't have kids which makes me more popular. Do you have kids OP? Men OLD can be shallow. In terms of offline, Meetup is great as there are so many different groups covering lots of different interests.

Skirmisher · 20/02/2019 15:00

Park Run. There are always a million men at those.

Original poster
user2348 · 20/02/2019 15:03

Thanks for these thoughts - they're useful! I have kept in v good shape for 40 - told I look early 30s, and no kids/own home etc etc. But online, I do feel judged by my age, mainly...though I get the whole 'you're fit' thing a lot. But it feels v shallow and hard work to find anyone seeking an actual relationship. if I (hardly ever) meet single, decent men offline, I am more successful - maybe they don't think I'm 40 though! I will have a look at Meetup...

I have had a few boyfriends through online, but not for many years - mainly just time wasters who, even in mid-40s, really want a 25-year-old!

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 20/02/2019 15:03

Join a vintage/classic car owners club as a prospective owner, go to all the social side meetings. (Be ready to discuss big ends though! Wink )

Joint a tennis/squash club, or take up a mainly male sport, diving or cricket perhaps.

Original poster
user2348 · 20/02/2019 15:04

And I am in London - but I feel that almost makes it harder, because men feel there's endless choice on tinder. I seem to find either those just out of marriages, and quite messed up, or the eternal bachelor types!

OP posts:
Original poster
user2348 · 20/02/2019 15:05

I have just signed up to a tennis course - so that's a start! Once I'm any good I'll definitely join a club...park runs a good plan too.

OP posts:
McPuff · 20/02/2019 15:07

British military fitness? Used to see the classes on Clapham Common when I lived there.

Notcoolmum · 20/02/2019 16:25

People keep saying parkrun. I’ve done a few and about to be fit enough to start them again but no one has ever spoken to me at one. How does this happen?! 😂
I’m also joining a running club on Monday once I’ve graduated the c25k class. Will this help?!

AdaColeman · 20/02/2019 16:32

Motorbike or car maintenance classes might be an idea!

LuluBellaBlue · 20/02/2019 16:35

Running club
Rugby club (normally the women’s team joins the men’s team for social outings)
Are you into any personal development / spiritual stuff?
I do 5 Rhythms dance, it’s packed full of men and women all ages and I’ve just met a gorgeous man through this Grin

Sunshineandflipflops · 20/02/2019 17:06

I’d like to know he answer to this too op.
I tried OLD for six months after my marriage ended a year ago and I dated a few men but just ended up disappointed. I did find Match.com better than Tinder/Bumble for men actually looking for a relationship but still...no-one stood out for me.
I can’t face OLD again so will be single for the foreseeable future but at least I know where I stand.
I am a member of a running club...but it’s female! I have a done a couple of park runs but no-one really spoke to me either...everyone was just there to do their thing.
Between that, working f/t and two children I have 60% of the time I’m not sure what else I can do to meet men naturally either. I am also 40.

ineedsomeinspiration · 20/02/2019 17:20

Hoping on this thread not single or in my 50s but to suggest those trying parkrun once you’ve been a few times try volunteering to help. Also lots of them meet in a nearby cafe after for cake/coffee.

ineedsomeinspiration · 20/02/2019 17:21

40s not 50s sorry

lifegoes · 20/02/2019 17:40

Join the 'dating thread 147' on here. It's really good.

Loads of us on it, using dating sites all different ages. Sharing our experiences, issues etc with dating.

I've found it really useful indeed.

Manhattann · 20/02/2019 17:42

I was set up by a friend
When out in the evenings at bars/pubs etc, That’s how I’ve met other partners.
I have a friend who met a guy through a salsa dancing club

Sunshineandflipflops · 20/02/2019 18:32

All my friends are married with kids (as I was) and aren’t interested in going out much. I’m not desperate to frequent bars/pubs on my own...yet 😂

Sootytheglovepuppet · 20/02/2019 22:50

You need to go where men go.
So:
Sports clubs,
Gyms
Pubs and clubs
Horse race meetings (very sociable)
Golf clubs

BackforGood · 20/02/2019 23:09

Go out and do things you enjoy doing.
Then you meet lots of people.
As you make friends, you get invited to their 'dos', and their friends, and so your social circle widens and widens.
Plus, you are doing things you enjoy - if you don't meet anyone you want to be in a relationship with for a while, then you've still had enjoyable weekends / evenings. If you do meet someone, then it is more likely to be a compatible relationship, as you are already starting with a shared interest.

Volunteer
Do a sport
Watch a sport
Join a dining club or a book club
A rambling club
Do outdoor activities such as climbing or sailing
Take up a new skill / go to classes
Join Lions club or Rotary or the Freemasons

AuntieStella · 21/02/2019 09:45

'People keep saying parkrun. I’ve done a few and about to be fit enough to start them again but no one has ever spoken to me at one. How does this happen?'

At all running events, you have to talk to them. Unless someone looks really focussed, I think nearly everyone will chat. Look out for socials - most have a nominated cafe for after, some weeks there is more or an effort to get people along, plus there may be other events. Also volunteer from time to time - you'll get to know others who volunteer, then you'll see them to chat to on the weeks they're running and it'll all snowball.

I have lots of fit acquaintances from this (and from a running club) - as I'm Not Looking, I don't know from experience how easy it is to get flirty, but it does look promising.

If in London, check The Runaway (New Balance pub, where they sometimes have events where you can cash in your Strava miles for pints)

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