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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

5 replies

Frenchie3 · 19/02/2019 22:33

Hi, I need some help/advice/something......

So basically I’ve been with my partner for just over 5 years, we have 2 children together, we live together, we’ve got pets etc... it hasn’t been the easiest of relationships from the start, when I first met him he was very much into drugs, but he stopped it all when we first met as I told him I didn’t want any of that round me. Then after about 2 months into the relationship I fell pregnant, everything was fine till just before our 4th anniversary.
He started smoking weed again, really badly, to the point were after the kids were in bed he’d turn into a couch potato and go to sleep, so it probably wasnt the best choice but I started speaking to someone else, FaceTiming them and calling/texting every chance I got. I used to make excuses in the evenings to go out just so I could speak to them because they was giving me the attention I craved, I never met this person. But my partner found out, we spilt up but decided to sort things out and we did sort things out. For a few months.. then he started slipping back to his old ways, so I started spending more time with my friend that I didn’t see very often so that I didn’t go back to what I was doing!
For some reason he has never liked my friend, he says it’s because she sleeps around and he doesn’t want me to do that etc, which is understable but she’s my friend and I can easily say no.
So we started arguing more and more until at the end of last year I’d had enough, and I kicked him out, my friend stayed with me to make sure I was ok and that I wasn’t on my own, but when he had the kids I was going out. Not drinking or anything like that just going out with friends being silly trying to keep my mind off of things, and I met someone else.
We’d been spilt for about 2 weeks, and I slept with this other person, we started sleeping together and staying at each other’s houses and seeing each other everyday, constantly calling/texting.
Then I decided I wanted to give it 1 more go with my ex, so we got back together. But in the time we’d split up, he had been meeting his ex girlfriend, buying her jewellery, basically became best friends with her.

I asked him to stop speaking to her as I stopped speaking to the other person out of respect and because I wanted to make my relationship work, but he didn’t, he told me he wasn’t going to stop speaking to her, so I said ok well I just don’t want you meeting her, which he was fine with.

She constantly phoned him with all her problems, and I had enough, so I started talking to the other person again, we’ve met 3/4 times, nothing happened just met to catch up, and now I feel like I’m getting feelings for the other person, but my head is so messed up I don’t know what to do, I’m constantly miserable and snappy because I’m constantly thinking about what to do!!

Any advice or similar stories would be appreciated, just need a little light on this whole mess!

Thanks😘

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 20/02/2019 18:23

This is a mess. A big messy mess! It has been for a long time. Instead of this tit for tat bollox, you need to accept it's fucked up and walk away. There's drugs, arguments, no respect, no boundaries and emotional (and physical?) affairs on both sides. No relationship should be such hard work. I've no idea why ypu decided to try again without dealing with the reasons you split up (again) in the first place? . Neither of you seem happy. Neither of you are respecting each other. Neither of you are 100% commuted to making this work. Last ditch relationship counselling or just let it go.

HCM12 · 20/02/2019 18:30

From the looks of it there is no trust in this relationship both ways. The children surely have to be priority. You need to have final clear the air talks with him and if you both are not willing to start afresh then you need to go your separate ways otherwise every few months one of you will mention the past and this will only sour the relationship to the point of no return.

Frenchie3 · 20/02/2019 22:44

Thanks for your replies.

It’s so hard to walk away, especially when you have kids, he’s stopped drugs now, but we still argue more than we should, and now I’ve got myself into a complete pickle in regards to this other person as well!

Ever get the feeling you just wanna run away with no contact to anyone just to get your thoughts cleared.
That’s where I’m at.

Thanks again x

OP posts:
HappyLife21 · 20/02/2019 23:25

It’s not that hard to walk away. Do you enjoy the drama of it all?

Frenchie3 · 20/02/2019 23:50

No defiantly not!

OP posts:
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