Working away drive you apart?

[Acalavero]

Partner is working away more so than ever recently, for some reason I feel it's making our relationship harder.
Ironically, years and years ago I preferred when he worked away as for the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" it seemed to be true, we were always excited to see each other. There seemed to be loads to talk about, lots of planning etc and quality time

However, now it's the opposite. Sometimes when he's rung in the evenings I feel like we have nothing to say I dunno if that's COs he's been socialising with colleagues and may be all talked out and because I've been with the kids . It's a horrible feeling. I just want to know if this is common? Everyone with partners working away do u feel it's for the better or the worse?

Also, I actually sometimes dread him coming back for instance like this week it's not a happy, excited feeling it's more a out of place feeling?! I don't know what's going on? I do feel recently he has been quite unemotionally available .

Any feedback greatly appreciated

OP, I've been the one who is away all the time, and I'm sorry to say it was very much a factor in our divorce (and still causes me relationship issues... :( )

I made sure I rang every night, but, as you say, the conversations got shorter and more stilted. Then, when I got home (every weekend that I could!), and wanted some intimacy, XW said it made her feel like just a sex object, which I completely understand.

You need to speak to your DP, (maybe book a weekend away for you both, so that neither of you has a place to run...!), and openly and frankly discuss what's going on.

One final thing, might be worth checking DP phone / social media etc. Could DP bee playing away? (I never did, but it does happen!)

I'm also sorry to say that exDH working away was a contributor to our split.

For me it was simple, I learnt to live without him I had 2 small children, and I coped, very well actually, I found his presence of a weekend disrupted our lovely little routine that we'd got going on, he became a hindrance rather than a help.

I loved him very much, but I just didn't want him around, I didn't need him as a partner or a parent I'm afraid.

ExH worked away for a while and it did precipitate our split - it’s wasn't just that I coped fine without him, it was that life was much better all round. Less stressful, more positive, calmer. It really highlighted it to me.

Current DP doesn’t live with me, and works away two days a week, and it’s quite nice - I get some lovely time to myself a few evenings a week, and he enjoys his own space too, and it’s just long enough to miss each other by the end and have a nice reunion when he comes back. So I guess it’s all about how you feel when he’s away.

@Acalavero, I commented on two of your other threads and wondered how you were doing. Your husband seeks ego boosts from other women at your expense. It is obvious that he has been putting emotional distance between you. I couldn’t be with a man like him.

It definitely was a huge factor in the divorce I am currently going through. H was away for six months a year for 12 years of our 15 year marriage.

When he changed careers and became based at home I expected him to become the family man he never was because he was absent through work, but he didn’t.

It was like he didn’t know how to be and after a decade we had slipped down his list of priorities.

His job allowed him to live the life of a single man (I don’t mean women, I never had reason to doubt him in that respect), but it allowed him to pursue his own interests which became more of a priority than we were.

Wow, really shocked and apprehensive with the responses! Shocked how many people have agreed it was a contributing factor to their break up. I'm really worried, I don't wanna break up with him but I feel he's not into it as much so I'm more afraid he will break up with me if that makes sense
I just wanna rekindle those old feelings of love we had when he worked away previously
I'm so upset to hear people split due to working away. What a shame

@MsDogLady
Thanks. That is also another factor. Which makes it harder as it seems he doesn't care about my feelings
For example, this week we've all caught a bug on the weekend the day before he left. The first thing he said when I told him was "thank god I'm not there, I couldn't be doing catching that bug"
Ok granted, it's a horrible bug - vomiting, Diarrhea etc but didn't seem to shown concern over me and daughters more about himself. It's just very hurtful

@Lonleyman

Thank you, very interesting to see a mans perspective too.
Can I ask why your convos became more shorter and stifled? I'm not sure if this is on his part, I try my hardest but there's not more to say because I work 24 hours weekly and the rest of the time I'm with the kids. I don't even have a social life etc, so there's very little to tell him/talk about except "yes the kids are fine " or "the kids are asleep now"
And I feel he's maybe just enjoying time with other adults who don't have the responsibilities of kids

I hope that you and your children are feeling better.

Honestly, it is troubling that you tolerate his blatant disrespect and want to stay, but are fearful that he will break up with you. Did you ever make a stand about his demeaning behavior regarding the other women? That plus his disengaged attitude while away would be it for me.

OP,
Sounds like a nasty bug. TBH, I'd be glad not to be there, but IKWYM..

It's simply that we had less and less to talk about. "how was your day", "how are the kids" that sort of stuff. Plus she never took an interest in my work or hobbies, so we were just exchanging pleasantries really.

I found it got harder to relate to her as I wasn't seeing much of her. I think we both became disengaged with each other, rather than one party disengaging from the other.

Also the lack of intimacy REALLY didn't help...