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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need to confide in someone

6 replies

TimeForTea72 · 19/02/2019 19:21

Hi,
I posted the other day about wanting to end my marriage. I am still unsure when and how but I really feel I want to confide in someone in real life but no idea who. My parents are RIP (they were divorced when I was 8) and I only have two older brothers. Both of them weren’t happy about me marrying him anyway back in 1996 so I know, if I breathe a word of my feelings to them, they’ll have me out of here pronto.
I don’t really have close friends out of work as a lot of my friends work with me if that makes sense. Not so keen on telling them as once the cat is out of the bag...

Anyway, my aunty is the only person I can think of. She is in her 80’s now but you’d think she was younger. Intelligent woman and she also married a man ten years older, had two boys with him, and ended up divorcing whe the boys were about 10 and 8. She remarried a businessman and they have been happily married since. She is probably the only person who will understand me and not judge, plus she’ll keep it confidential and probably give me help etc.
For anyone who has gone through with leaving, especially if you have kids, who did you confide in about your unhappiness?

OP posts:
TimeForTea72 · 19/02/2019 19:26

Oh, and I wanted to gather my thoughts over the next 12 months mainly due to my eldest doing his GCSEs but also t make sure I am not having a mid life crisis. I don’t think so. There is no love in our marriage, no affection, no sex Iife (and I am very attractive for my age). I admit I don’t fancy him at all and see him as no more than a friend. Very, very confused over what to do.

OP posts:
TrainSong · 19/02/2019 19:28

Whatever you do, do nothing for 12 months if the marriage is just stale, not toxic. Your DS's GCSEs are more important. Divorcing during them would absolutely screw him over.

TimeForTea72 · 19/02/2019 19:39

Yes, it is just stale. We get on ok but just like friends. I agree my son must come first. I definitely don’t want him messed up but, at the same time, feel I need to confide in someone.

OP posts:
Redskyandrainbows67 · 19/02/2019 19:44

The key point is have you talked to your husband about how unhappy you are and given him an opportunity to change/correct it?

Redskyandrainbows67 · 19/02/2019 19:45

And have you looked at your own responsibility towards the marriage failed. Have you done everything you could? What could you have done better?

Redskyandrainbows67 · 20/02/2019 00:18

So I guess the answer who do you confide in - is your husband. As it’s his marriage too and he deserves to know how unhappy you are

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