Tinder

[FeelingABitNaughty]

I've nc for this because... well I'm a bit embarrassed 🙈

Just got out of a 13 year Marriage, the whole break up came as a big shock and then when I later discovered he'd cheated on me twice with some girl in our own home and then have since heard rumours that the cheating thing has been a regular bloody occurrence over our entire marriage! He fucked me over and messed with my head, but at the moment I'm just starting to feel a bit better...

So to my problem/question. I joined tinder, not with any intention of anything but just to see what men were out there (I was 22 the last time I was single so my taste has charge somewhat) anyway I've ended up matching with this very hot, sexy lad, not too far away but not local who is ten years younger than me!

We've been exchanging sexy texts, some pictures etc. And I'm swinging between 'omg I want to meet him and have some real fun' to 'I'm a 35 year old mother of 2 I need to grow up' to 'this is a joke isn't it? He's showing all this to his mates and laughing at me'

I don't know what to do! I'm under no illusions that this will ultimately just be a hook up, maybe a few drinks etc, I don't want a relationship, I want fun. And a tiny bit of me wants to get back at my cheating bastard STBexH but mostly it is the fun, but I'm worried I'll feel cheap or something.

Anyone else done something like this so soon after a break up? Is it worth it? Is he too young am I being a silly fool? 🙈🙈

Lol this reeks of bad journo

Hahahaha omg does it? Oh christ have I become DM fodder 🙈🙈 it's honestly not!

I wouldn't do it. Far, far, far too soon. You're (understandably) running away from laying your marriage to rest, and finding out who you are. Don't lose yourself in another man and pretend you're the one in control.

@AFistfulofDolores1 thank you, you're absolutely right, I can't face up to this huge huge thing he's done and how much he's changed, I've been crazy these past few weeks, and I think it's still hanging around, just being Uber focused on this bit of excitement (although I'm so flattered and has cheered me up no end 😂)

I'm so so so lost right now

If you fancy it, a wee bonk might cheer ya up. As long as you know that is all it is and don't let it become more than a one off (That's when things get complicated). Certainly don't think he would be wasting his time just to wind you up. You've obviously still 'got it'.

Mind you, sometimes the build up is better than the actual mess about anyway, so if that's an ego boost, maybe best to quit whilst you are still ahead lol.

Best way to get over one is to get under another! See it as a bit of fun and go for it

I've been there, Naughty. I went on to online dating as my marriage had broken up - met someone who sounds rather like the man you describe, and it devastated me for a long time.

Now, sometimes devastation is what it takes. I obviously needed it on some level - and with a near-decade of hindsight, I can say that it shaped me in a way I'm happy with ... but not because of the man. Instead, it shaped me because I understood where I was settling, and selling out, and standing for far less than I could have done. It was a painful lesson in boundaries.

The work to come back to myself took longer. It is so very worth it, though. If you're willing to invest and take a medium- to long-term view, then try therapy. It will not bring you romance or excitement. It may well, however, bring you something far longer-lasting. You.

The best way to get over someone is not to get under someone else.

Or maybe it is. If you want to stay subordinated to your need to feel needed.

Or because you enjoy sex and feel like doing it? Not everything has to come down to the oppression of the bloody patriarchy

Yeah I did this after breaking up with my ex. I was useless at it and always got attached in one way or another, if you can be certain (and tbh I don't think you can until it happens.. ) that you won't get attached then really, why not?
Just be safe, use protection and don't go into it expecting anything.. there's a high chance that if you sleep with him you wont hear from him again after the deed is done and I found that quite hard.
But looking back, I wanted to be loved and not just have sex (not that I was aware of that at the time..) so it was a really bad idea on my part you live you learn!

Go for it! Me and my ‘just a bit of fun’ tinder match are due our second baby in May and getting married next year!

Personally I think sod it! Go out, have a drink, maybe get laid. But In reality if your not sure then maybe give it a few
Months as you may feel worse after. I'm also going through the same situation, I'm gagging for some male attention as my ex basically didn't touch me for the past 2 years. I have a 9 month old baby so can't see me getting any action for a while if you do go for it, please tell us how it goes......I need some cheering up xx good luck

Also I met my ex on tinder so non of that for me this time round......thanks tinder

Go for it! Enjoy it for what it is and you never know where it might lead. I married my bit of fun two years ago after two years together following a casual date 😍

The key thing is it can be whatever YOU need/want it to be, it's not down to a group of randoms on the Internet - it might work for you, it might not, it might be a palate cleanser, it might lead you down a bit of a rabbit hole for a while - you'll work it out and decide what is best, but don't close yourself off.

I went a bit over the top when I got cheated on, some of the encounters made me feel a bit rubbish, some were bloody brilliant, and what I worked out (afterwards of course) is that it had nothing to do with them, ultimately it was to do with what was going on in my head and how I felt about things at the time! What I will say is don't disregard it as an option because you are worried about what other people may do/say/think - it's none of their business

Your answer is in your op

I don't want a relationship, I want fun

Go for it and have fun.

I DO want to have fun, and it's been so long since I've felt worthy of any kind of attention thanks to dickhead STBexH and his mind games. I think I'll carry on texting him, maybe just see if it happens, but not push it. He's 25, he'll no doubt be flaky 😂😂 thank you everyone xx

I had a brilliant FWB after my marriage ended!

Lots of sex; no emotional entanglement; no expectations.

What's not to like!!

I was similar to you when I became single again at 37. I hadn't dated for YEARS, my tastes had changed and I did 6 months of online dating meeting men who were not my type and who I wouldn't have wanted a relationship with but I learnt a lot about myself, a lot about men and had some really good sex and interesting dates along the way!

Get a good shag, lass. It will do wonders for your self esteem which has no doubt took a battering from your wanker ex. Just make sure to wrap it up! and don't let yourself become emotionally available to him.

OP: It depends on how you are really. Tinder and OLD can be brutal if you are feeling a bit fragile. However I did use it after a terrible break up after a 21 year year relationship ended. On the whole I met and slept with a few nice guys, I met some nothing happened with and I met some who I am now actually friends with.

Above all it was a massive distraction for me. Whether thats right or wrong we all deal with things differently. Just make sure you protect your heart, know exactly what you want out of it, be upfront and act with integrity. And have fun.

Oh and I am 40, had a couple of things with much younger guys. Did my self esteem a lot of good and I had fun (both were way too "young" though to be tajen seriously).

2 months after I left my ex I had a FWB for 6 months. Then I had about 8 months of tindering. Now I am back with FWB but as an actual couple. I got with my ex when I was 17, so missed out on having fun more when I was younger as such so had a second coming ;0 Literally. Turns out my FWB ended things before so I could go off and meet other people as he was concerned Id only just left a relationship and needed that freedom. he was right, in the end its him I gravitated back towards. And its lovely right now.

I split from my 14year relationship with exH around 3 years ago although that was my decision. My bf is 26, I'm a 36 year old mother of 2 and we met online....
He's the least flaky guy I've known in a long while! Successful career, owns his own home, honest, reliable, funny and amazing in bed very loving

I can't speak for this guy and yes it may well be too soon to rush into something for you. I had a year single and established my own happiness before going anywhere near a man, BUT as a bit of fun, confidence boost or just a 'see where it goes' kind of thing I don't think there's any issue with it.... enjoy!