I don't normally post on sites but I can't talk to my friends about this as it's embarrassing but I really need your advice as to whether to stay in this relationship or get out for good.
I have been on/off with the father of my children for nearly a decade and we don't live together. He was initially lovely, then seemed a real bully to myself and others and I eventually split up with him because of hurtful behaviour and my resulting plummeting self esteem.
We've been on/off ever since and had so many ups and downs. He took me to court over the kids/we both said awful things about each other. Our respective friends and families don't like the other partner etc and so we can only see each other without other people. It's complicated but we keep coming back together because I guess we do have feelings for each other, but I always end up hurt, splitting up with him and wondering if it's me or him that's the problem.
Maybe I'm being oversensitive? I am a private person. From the beginning he has been really vocal about deeply personal things about me to his friends (this is embarrassing) but when I was pregnant openly laughing about what I do when I orgasm. I later found out he'd slept with the woman he told this to and that hurt me even more. He discussed the fact I didn't want to have sex with him after childbirth with his mother [embarrassed] - quite disgusting imo - to get her advice and then most lately telling me I have a massive....vagina (I've had 2 children) and laughing with his friend about this. He is quite disloyal in this way with so many things and i don't know if he genuinely is socially inept and doesn't get how to behave (which is also a problem) or whether he does it deliberately to bully me. Either way I feel totally disrespected and undermined - things don't change despite asking him to be more respectful and if I disclose how hurt I am I suspect this will just become another funny story to tell his friends. I'm now hurt with what he's said again and don't want to let my guard down by sleeping with him or by being close emotionally to him. I'll probably break it off now but then take him back later as I'll forget how upset I've been, and so it goes on.
It's as if as soon as I let my guard down he humiliates me publicly or badly lets me down. For example he has slept with other people during our 'off' periods and then made me feel bad about asking him to stop it when we get back together. He doesn't prioritise me or the kids - he only sees us when he doesn't have plans - even hanging out with his mother comes first. I really feel I can't trust him emotionally because he just humiliates and disrespects me but I also worry that he's the father of my children so I should try harder and also that I'll probably never realistically meet anyone else. I'm nearly 40 and overweight.
I really don't know what to do-please, please send advice!! Do I end this or carry on and think I'm just being oversensitive? Thank you.
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