My fiancé and I have been together nearly 3 years on and off. It’s been very volatile for the entire time. I have borderline personality disorder, fibromyalgia which causes really bad fatigue and constant pain, depression and severe anxiety which I know makes me hard to be around. I just want some outside input as I’m very isolated, I don’t have any friends and barely even speak to my family who are 2 hours drive away. I have no concept of a normal relationship and haven’t really had anyone to open up to. However now I’m desperately anxious about my situation and thought I would post here as I simply don’t know where else to turn.
Sometimes due to fibromyalgia I find it very hard to do the housework. The fatigue is debilitating, the pain has made me literally suicidal and never goes away. I push through anyway, but on the days that I’m finding it really hard, he acts like he’s made the ultimate sacrifice by doing the housework, and will bring this up saying things like “oh you’re just struggling because I’ve been helping you out so much lately” especially when he was off work. Now he’s back working full time, I’m expected to do everything and feel I have to explain myself if I haven’t done the washing up etc. I try to gently remind him that other people work full time and manage to do the housework, myself included when I was able to work, but he just comes back at me saying things like “you’re the one here all day with nothing else to do”. Also he just won’t do any tidying, it’s always me who is expected to do it, he will have a massivego at me if I leave something lying around when he’s tidied (rare occasion) but he does it to me all the time, he leaves his dirty washing all over the floor despite having a massive laundry basket, leaves his smoking stuff tobacco etc strewn all over the table, yet if it’s not clean when he get s home, my fault.
I’m always expected to bail him out financially. He earns I don’t even know how much more than me, let’s just say top 5% of the country, yet because he can’t manage money, I’m always bailing him out with my savings (now all gone) , loans (I’m now £9k in debt) and my £400 a month benefit which is supposed to be for me to be more independent. I don’t ever have much of my own money to spend as I want, it always goes on petrol for him when he’s run out of money. Lately it has been more difficult as he got fired late nov last year and got a job late last month so missed the jan pay so it’s been a very long time since we had a proper pay so I do understand I have to make sacrifices there.
Lately our fights have been getting more physical, both of us not just him. Sometimes I am even instigating it because I fly into a rage as I think I’ve just had enough? I know my anger is my responsibility and I always have a choice even if it doesn’t seem that way to me at the time, but I’ve never been like this with anyone’s else. The duty worker at the mental health team has told me a lot of it is down to stress - he lost his job very soon after I left safe secure housing to get back with him, we moved to a completely new very busy very scary area, had basically no money for ages, my PIP claim got awarded the wrong amount etc etc. He doesn’t seem to understand mental health problems one bit and constantly triggers me.
Is it hopeless? Can anything be done? I have no money as I said and my names jointly on the tendency aggreement and he won’t leave so I don’t think I really have much options? I have beautiful step kids that I treat and love like my own, that’s what broke me the first time and was a bit part of why I got back with him. I’m just so lost? My mental health is really suffering, I’ve been feeling suicidal lately and my anxiety is through the roof. I’m seeing the community psychiatric nurse today From CMHT but just don’t know what to say