Confused dot com

[Shakac]

Hi

I have recently had a 3.7 month relationship end.

To me it came from nowhere but clearly something had gone wrong. She finished with me after travelling up from London to Birmingham for my birthday (incidentally 4 days after Xmas)

I was at my mums for the Xmas celebration and she my ex couldn’t make it for full duration because of work commitments.

Anyway she comes down plays her part by welcoming me with a kiss. We go out for a meal and on my return to my mothers home after trying to make love to her I was blocked.

It was then I learnt she was not happy and she would be leaving me. The next morning we returned to my flat in London.

All she kept on saying is we don’t have anything in common and I didn’t make her feel wanted.

The following day she went out and got a flat for herself but it wouldn’t be ready until Feb 2nd.

I was happy to accommodate her for as long as it took. In that month she treated me quite harsh and very unsympathetically given that I had taken voluntary redundancy to return to U.K. to set up home with her.

Added to that I looked after and nursed her back to health following a heart attack and hysterectomy.

The pain I feel right now is understanding why she treated me so horribly when I was so good to her.

She’s gone from a position of stability and one where she could save 1k a month to one of potential destitution.

3.7 mths you say?

Wow that's a long relationship wonder why she chose destitution 🤔

She was unlucky to suffer all that ill health in 3.7 months.

I assume they meant 3 years and 7 months. There is no way all that could have happened in less than 4 months.

Yes it was 3 years and 7 months

Oh I see. Anyway she is unlikely to be destitute if she has a job and a flat. At least she has been honest with you.

He clearly means three years and seven months not 3.7 months ffs.

You just picked a bad one OP, you probably could be nicer -as most of us could- and eg I wonder why you were at your mums for Xmas? Not with her?

Perhaps there were signs but you missed them. Perhaps she's a manipulative person. We can't tell from your post.
Overall all you need to make more effort to talk to and listen to your partners. And probably put more effort into making a woman feel loved for who she is. But from what you have posted it doesn't sound like you did much wrong. Remember she's a whole person with feelings and thoughts that are not about you

She said she couldn’t fault me and I was a good bf.

She was unlucky with health in last two years but it still begs the question why be horrible to the man that had your back?

She had a scare a week before leaving and was taken to hospital and yes muggings went to show her support.

I always go to my mothers for Xmas to see the family my kids and gran kids.

She would normally be with me but couldn’t that year.

She earns approx £2k a month. Her rent on new place with be £1k. Add to that council tax, car repayments, petrol etc etc.

I don’t see much change from £500 at best.

Anyway hoping to hear the views of women that have experienced falling out of love. To see if it’s common to treat people that care for you with disdain.

Maybe she fell out of love some time ago, making it easier to act I. The way she did at the end. Problem rarely fall out of love overnight and then just decided to end it there and then.
Also, £500 a month disposable income as a single woman isn’t destitute, even in London.

So many typo’s, sorry!
act in the way and people rarely fall...

Surely you would think less of her if she stayed with you for the financial benefits and not for love?

I think your missing the point. I wanted her to go to her brother which is where she was before moving in with me.

The rent would be more in line with her salary and commitments. Of course I wouldn’t want her to stay if unhappy but...

Only 6 months earlier she was telling me she loved me. I know you can fall out of love but...

I just want an explanation.

Still got to buy food and clothing from that budget.

She did tell you. You say it in your op, she feels you didn’t have anything in common and you didn’t make her feel wanted.

You may not agree with her but that’s what she feels. Yes it was wrong of her to treat you badly before she moved out. Sorry but I think you need to accept it and stop analysing it.

Maybe it’s me but if I fell out of love with the person that had my back I would try to be gentle and not bullish about it.

We are humans with blood running through our veins.

I am now thinking she left to be with another man.

Some more background info.

She suffered with depression after the heart attack and then the hysterectomy which put her into full menopause.

I realised she was edgy and moody with me at times and put it all down to the menopause....

People fall out of love for different reasons OP. I thought she said you both had nothing in common.

Yes, some people can be somewhat nasty than civil when they've had enough. Either way, there's nothing anyone can do about it but accept it and move on. The more you dwell on it, the more annoying you will come across to her.

"Still got to buy food and clothing from that budget."

I doubt she goes clothes shopping monthly. Why on earth are you giving a breakdown of her monthly earnings/ outgoings anyway?

Your right but it still surprises me that she was willing to do this when she had a cheaper option at her bro.

I totally disagree with her on not having anything in common.

That was a lame excuse that didn’t stand up under scrutiny.

I doubt very much that I could annoy her as I don’t call her whatsoever.

Saw her last week when she came to pick up mail. She was civil and contrite and even gave me a hug.

I could see in her eyes she was hurting too perhaps because she felt guilty.

She still has stuff to collect from the flat. My god she’s got over 30 pairs of shoes lol