Good article - arguing techniques of narcissists

[greenberet]

blogs.psychcentral.com/psychology-self/2018/08/narcissist-arguing/?li_source=LI&li_medium=popular17

Thanks for posting, really good article, I clearly see my narcissistic mother in there!

Wow! This is my mother described perfectly. I have long suspected but tried to convince myself I was wrong. This article has helped to confirm that I'm dealing with a narcissist. It's only taken me 60 years to realise and it's lifted the scales from my eyes. Spot on description of my latest argument with her.
Now I just need to stop trying to defend myself and ignore her.

This is LITERALLY the evil cow I used to work with but SHE LEFT AND EVERY DAY IS A HAPPY DAY NOW!!!!!!!
May I never encounter another narc again 🙏

I have recently left someonewhibis like this. It was impossible to try and resolve anything with him and he turned violent but every single thing was my fault. He has never taken any responsibility for anything in his life and managed to rationalise why. I questioned myself wether I was being unreasonable for wanting a good relationship

This is my ex. Exactly

This is my ex, refuses to take any blame. Everything was my fault. If I questioned him or doubted him he would turn it all on to me.

He can't understand how his actions have caused the problems. He just laughs and says I'm a nutcase

Ugh, this is my ex too

"So after you noticed that you’re dealing with someone who is consistently participating in something like this and is not really interested in conflict resolution or finding truth, you can safely decide not to engage with them and save yourself a headache."

There are some posters on MN like this. All they want is a reaction to their nonsense.

My ex was like this

He treated me badly because I allowed it

He treated me badly because his dad treated him badly

He didn’t treat me badly because the other men on his program for abusive men were much worse, therefore his behaviour was acceptable

I needed to stop winding him up

So basically.......everyone else’s fault except his. He still maintains (almost 4 years after I left him) that I just needed to give him one last chance and everything would have been good

Can I ask how easily you all found it to move from someone like this?

I've had NC for 3 weeks now but I'm still furious and hurt as it's finally start to hit me how bad he was during and it was left that it was all my fault. Which it most certainly wasn't, but it's like I'm waiting for an apology or some form of closure that I'm not going to get.

Thanks for posting this. It was very useful to read. I am wary of putting labels on but I think that my dp fits this.

This is my mother to a tee. This is why I have low contact with her. She is an absolute nightmare.

People who do this are exhausting. I don't even bother with them anymore. They start arguing like that and I walk away.

Great article, thanks for posting.

This is my ex to a T and I can relate to everything that's been written.

Just over 2.5yrs we've been separated and he still displays this behaviour trying to keep a hold over me but he just fails miserably.

I wish I'd have read this a couple of years ago as it would have made getting through the split more bearable, so I hope it helps people who are going through similar to recognise the traits in a narc and move forwards.

This is DP's ex to a T. My exh did everything except the aggression as he was intrinsically a coward.

I can also relate to every word and have just split with someone who did this every time. I can honestly say we never ever had a simple disagreement, it was always escalated to a big fall out followed by being ignored for days and refusing to see me for a week or so until he’d “calmed down.” It’s very useful to see all of this written down, thanks for sharing.

I'm trying to leave someone like this right now. Not easy with two children and no money.

My ex was like this
He treated me badly because I allowed it

Anyone remember that spectacular row between Spencer Matthews and Louise Thompson when (after repeatedly cheating on her) he shouted at her:

It’s f*ing hard to respect you when you allow me to cheat on you.'

It was a text book example of this kind of arguing IMHO. I behave shockingly but guess what - it's your fault. I am perfect.

Good luck Vogue.

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2313242/Made-In-Chelsea-Louise-Thompson-confronts-ex-boyfriend-Spencer-Matthews-cheating-rumours.html

Wow @amytwinehouse that rings so true with my ex, I just didn't see it until I've come out of it.

@TellItLikeItReallyIs that hit home. I remember that episode well