Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Moving in, with the better Half.

20 replies

BenjaminH · 18/02/2019 19:31

Hi Guys and Girls,

Weekend just gone my Partner of nearly 2 years (i think. not one to remember dates, don't read anything into that. its normal for me, ask my friend.) asked me if i would move in with her.

Her son is talking of moving out. and this week he is away for 5 nights... Darling Girlfriend is the emotional sort much like myself. is obviously feeling it....

And her daughter is talking of moving out in a few years as she has met a really nice bloke.

I just came back from holiday Thursday night. feeling good about my relationship, feeling a bit more grown up i went to the other side of the world on my own, rented a car... it was fun, i missed my darling.

My career is going well, I am trying to saving up some money for a property.

My Mum and Dad are in there 60's still in Council House, never bought don't have much money to speak of. I feel responsible for my parents. because what are they going to do when the money runs out?

WTF are they gonna do. i feel really angry with my parents for not planing ahead, im fucking furious.

and now dad is threatening to move to the isle of wight (With what money i don't know, he seems to think hes going to take the caravan and bum about the island like a fucking p.....), to take mum away from her 4 sons and multiple gran-children (my brothers, not mine i wont have them.)

i don't suppose i have never really got along with my father.. i suppose i am like him in many ways. but completely different in other, especially recently since i got my new job.

I moved out once before when i was 19 i thought i was being all grown up. moving in with an older woman, but it didn't work out. so i am worried about making the same mistake again.

When i was about 17, i tried to help an old man at the bus stop. he was struggling to read the bus timetable.

I Said "where do you want to get to bud?"

"Tea City"

Pointing at the Tea City TimeTable. i said "oh the next bus is at 10 minutes past.

at 3 minutes past the bus for Coffee Town pulls up, we are at the bus terminal, so the buses are always on time. they don't leave early that would be mental.... right the bus schedule would be fucked.

This silly prick gets on the bus says "Tea City please." the bus driver says "this is for Coffee Town mate!" he heard him he reacted to it, but he just sat down on the wrong bus.

and its at that point in my life i worked out some people cant be fucking helped. i was aghast at the stupidity of it, to be told twice and to still fuck it up.

I think my father might be someone who cant be helped.

So im 25 now, my girlfriend asked me would you move in?

I said no, i would like to but i think it would cause problems for my mum, they would have to move at the very least and if they move dad will want to move to the isle of wight.

truth is i don't know what i want to fucking do...

i love her and i think i would like to move in with her, but iv said no now, and anything i say now will look like a response to her reaction of disappointment. right???

but also i cant help but think, is she asking me to move in as a result of here son leaving, as if to fill a void because if that was the case that wouldn't be right either, right?

I think in summary to much is happening right now and everything needs to calm down before any decisions are made right?

Not exactly a clear question, i know. more just rambling on, because i'm confused, and i don't know what to do. so any insight is welcomed.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 18/02/2019 19:35

Avoid moving in with her.

NameChangeNugget · 18/02/2019 19:36

Posted too soon, unless you’re sure & doing it for the right reasons.

Tennesseewhiskey · 18/02/2019 19:39

Don't move in with her.

Get your own place and be independent for a bit.

HappyLife21 · 18/02/2019 19:40

Too much is happening? What is happening, doesn’t sound like that much to me.

I take it your girlfriend is a lot older than you?

Don’t move in unless you’re very sure.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 18/02/2019 19:43

What is the connection with you moving in with your girlfriend and your parents moving to the Isle of Wight? Why can't they just stay in their house? Do you still live at home with your Mum and dad?

dancemom · 18/02/2019 19:46

Why would your parents have to move?

How old is your partner?

Have you always lived at home?

BenjaminH · 18/02/2019 19:52

So i live with Mum and Dad and they wouldn't be able to afford to live in the house we currently live in.

My Partner is 43, i only didn't want to include as i would just be reading, lines of people saying "find someone your own age" because that would be boring.

I moved out at 19 for about 3 years, and moved back, with mum and dad.

I am very sure i love her.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 18/02/2019 19:54

How old are you? You sound really, really young.

BenjaminH · 18/02/2019 19:59

25,

"Really young?" really?

"Too much is happening?" yes i suppose that's not true is it nothings happening i'm just panicking...

OP posts:
Tennesseewhiskey · 18/02/2019 20:18

My Partner is 43, i only didn't want to include as i would just be reading, lines of people saying "find someone your own age" because that would be boring.

Well if you actually knew mn you knew this wouldn't be true.

However, there are questions around it. Like why have both serious partners been older? why have you never lived independently.

These questions at important not because if the age difference, but why do you never live independent and seek out older women with their own houses?

BenjaminH · 18/02/2019 20:30

Well if you actually knew mn you knew this wouldn't be true.

What? iv seen plenty negative posts on age gaps on MN.

I never seeked out older women with their own houses.

Its a coincidence.

I felt something over the phone, with my current partner, i didn't even know what she looked like.

Why does a 25 year old that lives and works in London not live independently?
House prices mate.

I have questioned my attraction to older women yes.

have you spoke to a 25 year old woman?

OP posts:
Sunnydays78 · 18/02/2019 20:44

I think you may have an issue with the age gap, not anyone else

Arnoldthecat · 18/02/2019 20:48

NEVER live in a house with someone when you have no legal right to be there.

BenjaminH · 18/02/2019 20:51

Sunnydays78 could you elaborate please?

OP posts:
Sunnydays78 · 18/02/2019 20:55

It should be a non issue if you’re comfortable with it. If it works it works and don’t give a monkeys what anyone says.

BenjaminH · 18/02/2019 21:16

i don't give a monkeys what anyone says. i didn't mention my girlfriends age original as it should make no difference to the questions i asked.

but the question how old is your girlfriend was asked.

so i answered.

OP posts:
TooOldForThis67 · 18/02/2019 21:59

Just to clarify - you live at home with your parents but if you leave, they wont have your financial contribution and will struggle? You feel partly responsible for them? If you leave home, they would move away?
You think that your g/f only wants you to move in as her son is moving out? Is she worried about money because the son is moving out?
If so, I get why you are in a pickle and finding it difficult to know what to do for the best. However, you can't live your life for anyone but yourself. Do what your heart tells you. It may or may not work out with your g/f and age has little to do with that. I recently saw a fella 18 yrs my junior and I think I was the only one that saw issue with it. Nothing to do with people's reactions but thoughts about the future.

Tennesseewhiskey · 18/02/2019 22:28

have you spoke to a 25 year old woman?

Yes. What's your point?

I am not going to tell you to find someone your own age. Personally, I would be asking a woman in her early 40s, who is financially independent, what she sees in a 25 year old who still lives at home.

I mean, have you spoke to 25 year old man? Wink

Again, if you know mn there are very few people who condemn age gap relationships, simply on principle. There are usually concerns, depending on the 2 people involved.

If I was girlfriend, I wouldn't be chomping at the bit, to have a man move into my home who is quite immature (isnt a judgment, you are 25 thats how it is) and only ever moved to live with another older woman.

You say you don't seek them out, but happen to have long term relationships with women in exact same circumstances?

The issue with age is simple. Lots of people say it doesn't matter. And sometimes it doesn't make a difference. But more often that not it does. When the women are older, it's often when menopause hits. And look how vulnerable you are. Say you break up in 5-10 years. Where will you live if you can't afford to live on your own? Your parents might have moved away.

This is about age as such. It's about life experience, stability, financial security etc. These things are important in a relationship. All relationships.

LadySadie1 · 19/02/2019 00:17

"Take the caravan and bum around the island like a fucking p.....",OP what was the word you chose not to fully type?,I mean it's pretty obvious to me I think,I'd just like you to clarify please

pissedonatrain · 19/02/2019 04:34

OP I've read through your post 3 times and I still can't quite make out what is going on.

So far, I get nobody has actually moved anywhere. It is just talk right now. Your DP son, your DD.

Are your parents upset because you want to move out?

Is there a reason you have to live with your parents?

Do you actually want to live with your DP?

As for your DP, I don't think she is trying to fill a void because both of her DC are still there.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page