I think I need to see a doctor in order to get over my ex.

[TheShiteRunner]

I'm normally a very stable, calm, strong person. Have gone through a lot and always come out strong. But I feel awful.
Basically, my ex started seeing his abusive ex behind my back, and has left me for her. She is back to her old ways and beating him up quite badly, and sometimes in public. I don't want him back, he treated me terribly.

But this happened two months ago and I have periods when I feel like I'm drowning. I keep focusing on the lies he told me, the mean things he sometimes said, it's always in my head and I can't get it out. Have been having counselling for two months, which is helpful, but sometimes I feel like I just can't breathe. I am having intrusive thoughts about being beaten up. Sometimes the tears just fall and I just despair.
I just feel weird about it all because it's all about him. All the other parts of my life are going very very well, and I can have days where I don't cry. I just feel a bit silly going to the doctor because of something that is really fairly trivial- i.e. my BF lied to me.

It's not trivial - it's a huge thing. Talk to your counsellor and your GP. Anti-depressants won't fix you but they might help give you the lift you need while you go through this horrid rocky patch. Good luck

it's really not trivial at all if it has made you feel like this.

Please don't feel guilty about seeking help; I think it's actually a really healthy thing to do.

You say you're already undergoing counselling - is it helping at all? Maybe it you tell your counsellor what you've put in your post that might help?

Thank you. My counsellor is great and has made things clearer, although I do sometimes feel like it brings things to the forefront of my mind and opens old wounds.
I have managed to cope with things that are, on paper, far worse than this (death of a parent at a young age; separation after bad marriage) but for some reason I feel stuck on this. I am thinking about the lies all the time, and how I didn't read his character well at all.

It sounds as if medication may help you, in conjunction with the counselling. Your GP can prescribe that. However, if you don’t want medication, there is nothing else a doctor can offer.

What you're going through is a fear of abandonment. You've mentioned the loss of your parent (I'm deeply sorry about that, it's terrible to lose a parent at all but at a young age it's tragic) and then you mentioned about a past relationship failure and now this.
These people in one way or another have abandoned you (using the term loosely with the parent as I'm sure they'd much rather be here- but that's how it can feel to a child) which is one of the reasons why you're feeling anxious about other things. It's certainly not an easy thing to overcome but you need to look at other ways in which you feel abandoned and the feelings you attach to it. Once you can let go of the feelings then the sense of abandonment will ease. Happy to speak to you via DM if you'd like further help. By the way I'm definitely not selling you anything but a large part of my job is counselling.

Thank you.
Yes Bellatrix that is one of the issues I am discussing with my counsellor. She is really great and recognizes patterns of behaviour in me that make perfect sense. I'm just reaching the point where it feels like it isn't quite enough, and I may need to be medicated for a short time. I do feel a bit foolish for feeling so wretched about a man who treated me so awfully, especially when all other parts of my life are really successful.

No it seems as if you have anxiety driven by past trauma and are experiencing ruminations based around the past relationship, triggered by these old wounds being opened again.

Please don't feel ashamed to go to the Dr they are here to help. You may find a short course of medication will help alongside your current counselling.

Messaged you.

I was much the same after a short relationship broke down. I had counselling for about 2 months, it made me see that due to the relationships that I had with my parents when I was a child then straight into an abusive marriage had left me with an overwhelming need to belong.

I very nearly went to my gp to be medicated as I just couldn't cope. And I always coped.

My counsellor had encouraged me to write him a letter which I could either send him or not. I poured my heart out in this letter and I gave it to him.
We met up and I felt a great sense of relief that I had put across to him the way I was feeling, that I still loved him and that I felt cheated out of the chance to put things right.

He told me that we would never have a romantic relationship ever again, something he had said over and over again. But this time I feel that I have got things off my chest and the frantic need to contact him seems to have gone away to some extent.

I have PTSD which was caused by a repressed childhood event but triggered by a bad break-up as an adult. It's not silly at all to need support when you're dealing with something that has made you feel so vulnerable and lost. It does get better, I promise.

If you are feeling like this please be careful. I ended up having a full blown mental breakdown, drank myself to half death, attempted suicide and was sectioned. Mental health is very subtle and prolonged suffering can really ravage you unexpectedly. Get help without hesitation. Was also over ex, ghosting, lying and deceit.

Thank you all so much. I went to see the doctor this morning. I just cried and cried and he was lovely. He has prescribed me 20g Citopram (sp?) He was very kind about how well I'm coping and that there is no shame in asking for help. Still feel a bit shocked that I've reached this point, but also glad that I've done something about it.

Hope you're feeling better now Amazon x

Glad to hear you've seen the GP. It's brave to ask for help. I hope the medication helps; keep posting on here if that helps too.

Thanks @runner. It was a slow and agonising process and at the end I imploded. It was rock bottom, a death of sorts. I'm slowly trying to rebuild myself. It's tough going. Be strong and listen to your soul!

amazon I'm glad you're rebuilding yourself- it's such a slow process isn't it. I confessed to the dr something I've never spoken out loud before, which is that I have been here once before, and was self-harming. I don't want to go back there and I am glad that it's now there in my medical notes.
ClosetBeanMuncher Your post really made me think- it isn't all about ex is it, it's about all the unresolved shite I haven't dealt with before. I find the counselling the most exhausting thing ever- It's like running a marathon every week. That's probably a good sign, I reckon.